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Conference thebay::joyoflex

Title:	The Joy of Lex
Notice:	A Notes File even your grammar could love
Moderator:	THEBAY::SYSTEM

Created:	Fri Feb 28 1986
Last Modified:	Mon Jun 02 1997
Last Successful Update:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:	1192
Total number of notes:	42769

360.0. "Toungue-in-cheek Definitions." by APTECH::RSTONE (Roy) Tue May 19 1987 10:27

I don't know what brought this to mind, but from the depths of antiquity I 
recall portions of a list of definitions for the "Hi-Fi" addict as published
in one of the original issues of Mad Magazine back about 1957.  For what
they're worth, I thought I'd list the ones that I remember and see if anyone
can add to them...

Loudspeaker - Someone who tries to talk while the Hi-Fi is playing.

Woofer - A dog who tries to talk while the Hi-Fi is playing.

Tweeter - Louder that a tweet.

Amplifier - Similar to a bonfire where you gather around and dispose of
            your old ampli's.

Rectifier - A defective Hi-Fi that really burns you a**!

I believe the article also had a letter from a reader in which he described
a problem with his Hi-Fi.  He said that he once had the needle on his 
phongraph hop over five grooves at once and wondered if it was the record.
The response was that the existing record, at that time, was for a needle to
to have hopped over 22 grooves at one time.

T.R	Title	User	Personal Name	Date	Lines
360.1	It was his idea....	IOSG::DUTT		`Tue May 19 1987 15:00`	8
	Sub-woofer - a dog who tries to talk under water while the hi-fi is playing. CD player - a record player that failed the AB comparison test. Resistor - someone who still hasn't switched to CDs. Moving coil - excuse for unexpected pregnancy.
360.2	It sure was; however ...	ERASER::KALLIS	Hallowe'en should be legal holiday	`Tue May 26 1987 12:24`	12
	Re .0: Concerning the needle "skipping over grooves," a small point: Most disc records have only two grooves: one per side. Steve Kallis, Jr. P.S.: Coax -- What you get when you make recordings near a duck pond. Crossover -- One who switches from LP to CD.
360.3	From MAD Magazine, circa 1960	MTA::BOWERS	Count Zero Interrupt	`Tue May 26 1987 17:55`	5
	Pickup - Someone to listen to HiFi with. Wow - Listening to hiFi with a loose pickup. Flutter- Reaction during Wow.
360.4	Three-sided record	MINAR::BISHOP		`Fri May 29 1987 12:33`	7
	re .2: Monty Python's "Matching Tie and Handkerchief" album had three tracks--one side had two grooves. You never knew which you would play.... -John Bishop
360.5	why is a ____ like an overwound clock? My best conundrum, wasted.	VIDEO::OSMAN	type video::user$7:[osman]eric.six	`Mon Jun 01 1987 16:16`	17
	Re: "Matching Tie and Handkerchief" Reminds me of an old conundrum: A grandmother gives her little darling TWO ties for his birthday, because she loves him THAT MUCH. Several months later, upon visiting Grandma, he wears one of the ties, per Mom's suggestion. Instead of the expected delighted response from Grandma, she sneers: "What's the matter, you didn't like the other tie ?"
360.6	No relationship to previous definitions is stated or implied.	GOOEY::RUST		`Mon Feb 10 1992 06:58`	9
	Middle-class Americans: Americans who own VCRs but can't program them. (Courtesy of Dave Barry) [So these are the target audience for the Presidential campaigns... explains a lot.] -b
360.7	Out of the rat race if you don't either own or drive!	PASTIS::MONAHAN	humanity is a trojan horse	`Mon Feb 10 1992 07:11`	5
	Presumably an upper-class American would be someone who owned a VCR and employed someone else to programme it, and a lower class American would be the one who did the programming ? ;-) (Dave who has seen VCRs in shops and doesn't think they are worth buying)
360.8	Been there, done that!	PAOIS::HILL	Another migrant worker!	`Mon Feb 17 1992 04:38`	11
	Re several back... It happened to me one Christmas, when my mother gave me two ties. I immediately put one of them on and she asked what was wrong with the other. A house where teenagers live - is readily identifiable. The time on the VCR does NOT flash all the time. Nick - who has a VCR but cannot programme it as the instructions are in French, poorly translated from Japanese.