[Search for users] [Overall Top Noters] [List of all Conferences] [Download this site]

Conference thebay::joyoflex

Title:The Joy of Lex
Notice:A Notes File even your grammar could love
Moderator:THEBAY::SYSTEM
Created:Fri Feb 28 1986
Last Modified:Mon Jun 02 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1192
Total number of notes:42769

316.0. "A New Stupid Poetical Form" by DECWET::MITCHELL () Wed Feb 04 1987 02:43

Introducing the birth of the most stupid type of verse to come along since
the limerick!  This part is self explanatory:


From:	7040::KELLEHER "TOM KELLEHER"
To:	BOOKIE::NEILSEN,KELLEHER
Subj:	A little ditty to be sung in a stupid voice.

This is a little tune my roommate and I came up with.  He dreamed up
the first half while doing his laundry around the corner from
our apartment at school.  I enjoyed it and dreamed
up the second half while sitting on the
toilet in same apartment.  None
of our roommates were
impressed enough
to add to it.

Strange.

		{sing this in a lilting, uh...sing-song fashion
			...with a nasal voice, for best effect.
		When you see a string of dashes, hold that note and
			drag the word out.  This is good advice
			for all areas of life, by the way.}


                          "NO KNOWN TITLE"
				by Steven Mulroy and Tom Kelleher

			ISOPROPYL ALCOHOL!
			DIRTY SOCKS, THE BATHROOM STALL!
			BIOCHEMICAL DELIGHT!
			PLASTIC DUCKS THAT NEON-LIGHT!
				TURN ON-----!
				TURN OFF-----!
				JUMP HIGH----!
				THEN COUGH----!



			ARGON NEON KRYPTON GAS!
			HYPERSPACE AND WORMHOLE PASS!
			MASOCHISTS ARE MADE OF MUD!
			GERBER'S OWNED BY ELMER FUDD!
				YOU ARE...-----
				...MY NOSE------!
        			I AM...-----
				...BIC PENTAMETER------!!!!

I propose that this beautifully stupid form of verse take the *following form*
and that we call it either a Mulroy or a Kellehermerick in honor of its
originators: 

WARNING:  This can be addictive! 



JACKSON POLLOCK, WILLIAM TELL!
GUYS WHO FART AND LIKE THE SMELL
TERRAPINS IN CREW-NIT SOCKS!
LITTLE BREASTS ON GOLDY LOCKS!
THIS WAY-----!
THAT WAY-----!
NO WAY-------!
PISCATAWAY---!


               --John M.




BATMAN, ROBIN, SUPERMAN
EAT THEIR VEGGIES FROM A CAN!
CONAN, POPEYE, JM TOO!
SCREW THE COWS THAT GO MOO MOO!
            THIS SUCKS------!
            YOU SUCK--------!
            WE SUCK---------!
            SUCCOTASH-------!
            

                  --Rob Shuster



CROWS AND COFFINS, VDTS!
PENGUINS SPEAKING JAPANESE!
NAKED LIVER, SKELETON!
ALL FOR ONE, AND ONE FOR NONE!
             I BITE-----!
             YOU BITE---!
             WE BITE----!
             TRILOBITE--!

               
                 --John M.



BERTIE'S SHOVEL, MAX'S VAX!
LET'S EAT TOADS AND PLAY THE SAX!
DREAMS OF CARS AND TRUCKS AND TRAINS!
SHOOT OURSELVES, WE'LL SPILL SOME BRAINS!
                  NO MORE-------!
                  NO LESS-------!
                  NO WAY--------!
                  KNOW-IT-ALL---!
               

                  --Rob Shuster



CHARLIE CHAPLAIN, PENCIL, PEN!
SARDINE SANDWICH, BARBIE, KEN!
DIAPER PAILS AND MILLER LITE!
RECTAL BLEEDING EVERY NIGHT!
             BAR HOP-----!
             BAR MAID----!
             BAR TAB-----!
             BAROMETER---!

            
                 --John M.



SUBWAY, AMTRAK, MONORAIL!
JOCKSTRAPS PUT ON BACKWARD FAIL!
INTO, OUT OF, UNDER, THROUGH!
LET'S WATCH CAPTAIN KANGAROO!
            HE WILL-----!
            HE WON'T----!
            HE MIGHT----!
            HIROSHIMA---!

                 --John M.

T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
DateLines
316.1CLT::MALERFri Feb 06 1987 12:453
    Oh, my.  That's...interesting.
    
    	@V@
316.2A word from you sponsorTSG::KELLEHERFri Feb 06 1987 16:0921
    
    
    Now, I've been told this happens, but this is the first time
    I've ever experienced it.  I'm new to DEC, I've not 
    acclimated myself to its weird ways, or all
    the ins and outs of working here.
    So I sent this little song
    off to the editor of
    DESPERADO, and
    while blithely
    looking through this
    Notesfile, my name flashes
    across the screen.  'dat's pretty
    weird.  I'll have to check my last issue
    of DESPERADO... 'cause the guy who sent the
    song in...he ain't the editor.
    
    	And I'll have to let Steve know about this.
    	He will go nuts when he finds he's hit the charts.
    
    			Tom
316.3Another word from your sponsorTSG::KELLEHERFri Feb 06 1987 16:1311
    
    
    
    
    		...oh, and another little fluke, making this
    			all-in-all a very interesting
    			   	day for me:
    
    			   Mr. John Mitchell...
    
    			  I'm from Piscataway...
316.4One for the Man from Piscataway...DECWET::MITCHELLFri Feb 06 1987 19:1911
TUTANKHAMEN, RABID RAT!
LIQUIFY YOUR KITTY CAT!
RONALD REGAN, CHEVROLET!
DRINK CAT, THEN PISCATAWAY!
               LOW CAL....!
               HIGH CAL...!
               NO CAL.....!
               CALIGULA...!


John M.
316.5One for the man who's HEARD of Piscataway!TSG::KELLEHERFri Feb 06 1987 19:469
    
    	EATING MICE ON HALLOWEEN
    	MICROWAVE A SUBMARINE
    	HIEROGLYPHIC MANNIKEN
    	SKUNKS DEBUNK von DANIKEN
    		TOO SOON----!
    		TOO LATE----!
    		TO PRUNE----!
    		PATTI AUSTIN----!
316.6Patti Austin?DECWET::MITCHELLFri Feb 06 1987 21:168
KANGAROO IN KATMANDU!
555-1212!
CALL THAT NUMBER JUST FOR FUN,
BURP INTO THE PHONE AND RUN!
                BE CALM....!
                BE NICE....!
                BE MEAN....!
                BEATITUDE..!
316.7Somebody stop me!DECWET::MITCHELLSun Feb 08 1987 23:5111
STOCKARD CHANNING, LOGAN'S RUN!
NANCY AND HER "TINY GUN!"
SURGEONS GRAFTING COMPOUND EYES,
MAKING PEOPLE LOOK LIKE FLIES!
               BOUGHT THIS...!
               BOUGHT THAT...!
               BOUGHT A HAT..!
               BOTULISM......!


John M.
316.8More! More!USMRM2::MGRACERiding the Celestial OmnibusMon Feb 16 1987 12:131
    
316.9Is this what he would have wanted?BAEDEV::RECKARDMon Feb 16 1987 12:4313
    I can't, for the life of me (or anyone else for that matter), determine
    any method to the madness of the "chorus" section of the ORIGINAL verses.
    Each line, usually consisting of two or three syllables, betrays SOME
    relationship to the previous, but, whatever else this relationship is,
    it is at least obtuse.  This is its charm and is something with which
    one should not trifle.

    Then, along come some neo-Kelleher-mumble-ists, and, while adopting
    the original FORM, determine that there IS a discernible pattern to
    the chorus lines, and that this pattern makes sense, and, is even
    repeatable!  I ask you, was this the original intent?  Should we permit
    this outrage to continue?  What would the founder of this beloved verse
    form, may he rest in peace, say about this plagiarism?
316.10DECWET::SHUSTERWriters on the storm...Mon Feb 16 1987 14:0010
    FRANZ LISZT, EGG NOG, PLAGIARIZE?
    PIANISTS AND GREEN FRENCH FRIES!
    OUTRAGE, REAGAN, R.I.P.!
    SHOSTAKOVICH BIT MY KNEE!
                 DOG DAYS-----!
                 DOG GONE-----!
                 DOG DOO------!
                 DOGGEREL-----!
    
    
316.11Yet anotherDECWET::MITCHELLMon Feb 16 1987 17:088
BAR FIGHT, TOADSTOOL, MARMALADE!
MASOCHISTIC BUGS SNIFF RAID!
BARGAIN-COUNTER ELEPHANTS!
WOMBATS WALK IN SPANDEX PANTS!
                 SICK ROOM...!
                 SICK LEAVE..!
                 SICK JOKE...!
                 SYCOPHANT...!
316.12Kill me before I stop again!DRAGON::MCVAYIt's always darkest before it turns pitch black.Wed Feb 18 1987 21:229
    Hayfoot, strawfoot, forward march!
    Siffen your backbone up with starch!
    Strut like Hercules or Hector,
    Ready for the income-tax collector.

    	-- by Ogden Nash
    
    Pity, he came so close to immortality, but missed it.  It remained
    for the NOTEr Tom Kelleher to plum the depths of this art form...
316.13DECWET::MITCHELLThu Feb 19 1987 01:425
    I'm afraid Ogden's meter is off.
    
    
    
    John M.
316.14ERIS::CALLASSo many ratholes, so little timeThu Feb 19 1987 11:413
    That's okay, the meter in most of these is off.
    
    	Jon
316.15Enraged poetDECWET::MITCHELLThu Feb 19 1987 12:5512
    Re: .14 (Jon)
    
    WHAT?!!!  My meter is FLAWLESS!
    
    I *challenge* you to show me where my meter is off (It's OK for
    it to be off in the last four lines).  If you're right, I'll quack
    like a duck.
    
    John M.
    
    P.S.  Anyway, why should we listen to someone who can't even spell
    "John" right?  ;-)
316.16Ah, I see, add new rules...ERIS::CALLASSo many ratholes, so little timeThu Feb 19 1987 16:104
    Well, if you're not going to listen, there's little sense in
    continuing, is there? 
    
    	Jon
316.17DECWET::SHUSTERThu Feb 19 1987 18:086
    Meter on the subway,
    meter writing rhyme
    meter in the tub (hey!)
    but meet her right on time.
    
    
316.18Stupid new political formPSTJTT::TABERD'ye nae ken the wunda owit?Wed Feb 25 1987 10:2820
Uzi, Luger, M-16
PLO and Fedayeen
Contradora Lebanon 
Who-kills-who goes on and on
	Widdow's........!
	Kiddos..........!
	Kill those......!
	Who killed those!

Nicaragua, Salvadore
Commies knock at our back door
We sell to the Ayahtolla
Contras eat off our payolla
	Regan's ......!
	Paid gun's....!
	Say "fun!"....!
	Raygunomics...!


					>>>==>PStJTT
316.19DECWET::MITCHELLWed Feb 25 1987 21:246
    RE: .18
    
    Hey!  Those are good!  This could be the start of a new genre.
    
    
    John M.
316.20One from my line of workPOTAK::LEVITINNihil spaghetti carbonaraSun Mar 01 1987 21:348
		Flip-flop, XOR, PLA
		Standard cell and gate array
		Semi-custom, EMP
		Channel route and PCB
			INPUT
			OUTPUT
			THROUGHPUT
			SPUTNIK
316.21Two more silly ones ;-)POTAK::LEVITINNihil spaghetti carbonaraWed Mar 04 1987 22:2921
	Two more ditties.
	
	Xanthum gum and polysorbate
	Sodium erythorbate
	Aspartame and carageenan
	Locust bean and saccharine
		Low score,
		Low key,
		Low cal,
		Lo mein!
	
	Bobcat, leopard, tiger, lynx
	Beavers, muskrats, otters, minks
	Catch the beastie, skin it bare.
	Now you're wearing Bambi's hair.
		Fur coat,
		Fur hat,
		Fur gloves,
		Ferocious!
	
	Sam
316.22DECWET::MITCHELLWed Mar 11 1987 20:4211
Brontosaurus, trilobite!
Giant ground sloth, troglodyte!
Mammoths frozen in the snow!
Ronnie says, "I didn't know!"
                  Detune........!
                  Derail........!
                  Defuse........!
                  Connie Chung..!


John M.
316.23...all this acclaim...I could cry...{SNNNNFFFF!}TSG::KELLEHERMon Mar 16 1987 18:0210
    
    
    ISOTOPES WITH CURLY HAIR
    HARI KRISHNAS USING NAIR
    MONATOMIC MOUSKETEERS
    KADDAF' N' RONNIE CHUGGING BEERS
    	GO SLOW------!
    	LOW BLOW-----!
    	STOW DOUGH---!
    	EPISTOMOLOGY-----!
316.24Give him an OscarDECWET::MITCHELLMon Mar 16 1987 21:138
Incubate an incubus!
Doctor's office--hear the fuss!
Duckie with a heart attack:
"Quack quack quack quack quack quack AAACK!"
                          Bedlam.........!
                          Bed mate.......!
                          Bed bug........!
                          Star Trek IV...!
316.25Taxi! Taxi!REGENT::EPSTEINBruce EpsteinThu May 14 1987 22:445
    Can't believe noone caught this...
    
    Re: several back:
    
    Ogden Nash's meter has been off for near 50 years now...
316.26one strawberry tart without so much rat in it later....CALS::GELINEAUWed Jul 07 1993 08:1512
SECANT TANGENT COSINE SINE
3.14159
EULER'S NUMBER ASYMPTOTE
RHO RHO RHO RHO RHO YOUR BOAT
	LOGON
	LOGIC
	LOGJAM
	LOGARITHM


--angela