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Conference thebay::joyoflex

Title:The Joy of Lex
Notice:A Notes File even your grammar could love
Moderator:THEBAY::SYSTEM
Created:Fri Feb 28 1986
Last Modified:Mon Jun 02 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1192
Total number of notes:42769

279.0. "Seasonal puns" by BAEDEV::RECKARD () Wed Nov 26 1986 14:19

    How 'bout some puns for the season!
    
    Some of you birds out there should be able to stuff this note with
    turkey puns, Santa puns, hot cross puns, and the like.
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279.1You asked for it, Bob Crachett!!GOBLIN::MCVAYPete McVay, VRO (Telecomm)Wed Nov 26 1986 15:4916
    Part of the celebration of Christmas on the island of Nantucket includes
    the annual "Christmas Stroll."  Private yachts in the harbor also
    are festively decorated for the occasion.
    
    One yachtsman hired a local ship's chandler to decorate his ship
    like a Christmas tree, with branches and boughs to hang over all
    the rigging.
    
    However, when the yachtsman got down to the dock, he found that
    the contractor was on the boat next to his.  The incensed yacht-owner
    called up to the worker, "Ahoy!  You're treeing up the wrong barque!"
    
                         ============================
    
    Word definitions: "Meretricious", as in "We wish you a Meretricious
    and a happy New Year."
279.2DECWET::SHUSTERKeep Seattle Clean---Wash Wash.Wed Nov 26 1986 16:157
    Christmas Eve in Seattle:
    
    Wife: What's that clatter on the roof?
    
    Husband: Snow storm?
    
    Wife: No, it must be rain, dear.
279.3Try next MarchECLAIR::GOODENOUGHJeff Goodenough, IPG Reading-UKThu Nov 27 1986 10:321
    Re .0: Hot cross puns?  Wrong season(ing) surely?
279.4Season's GreetingsMAY14::MINOWMartin Minow, MSD A/D, THUNDR::MINOWSun Nov 30 1986 23:5314
Many years ago, the British satire magazine, Private Eye, published
a Christmas record (which I had at one time, but is probably long gone).

In it, they discussed the commercialization of the season:

	Christmas is the time when all the shops and storekeepers
	have a chance to turn a gigantic profit.  It was our lord
	himself who said "And there shall come a great prophet
	throughout the land."

I just quote 'em.

Martin.

279.5what's that noise?MODEL::YARBROUGHMon Dec 01 1986 09:181
Creche: the noise a Hanukah candle makes when it is knocked over. :-)
279.6DRAGON::MCVAYPete McVay, VRO (Telecomm)Mon Dec 01 1986 13:243
    Who comes down the chimney with a bagful of broken toys?
    
    Santa Klutz
279.7DECWET::SHUSTERKeep Seattle Clean---Wash Wash.Mon Dec 01 1986 16:046
    What do some 780's celebrate on December 25th?
    
    
    VAXmas, of course.
    
    
279.8DEBET::CANTORDave C.Tue Dec 02 1986 07:187
      Why do programmers confuse Christmas with Halloween?
      
      
      
      Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.
      
      Dave C.
279.9a little lateSTUBBI::B_REINKEthe fire and the rose are oneSat Feb 28 1987 20:533
    Why did the light house keeper call his cat "santa"?
    
    because she had sandy claws.
279.10Topical though not seasonalTKOV52::DIAMONDTue Feb 20 1990 11:183
    Who comes down a lawyer's chimney at Christmas?
    
    Escape Claus.