Conference thebay::joyoflex

    I have heard that the OPS5 Release document includes a chapter titled
    "Undocumented Features."
    
    

    Re: .0  I believe this is/was a favourite device used by IBM in
    their manuals to maintain the left-right 'pageness', or to reserve
    space for inserts.
    
    Some other company copied them in a manual I saw, but got it slightly
    wrong:
    
    	THIS PAGE UNINTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK
    
    Jeff.

    
    
    'Undocumented Features' is a euphemism for BUGS.
    

>    'Undocumented Features' is a euphemism for BUGS.
    
	It is nothing of the sort.  If one has a utility that works properly
in every documented case, then that utility has no bugs.  If it additionally
does something useful when given input other than from the documented range
of acceptable input, then that function is an undocumented feature.

Mark

    -.1 is quibbling.  In general, if a program behaves exactly as
    it's documented to, dumb or not, it's bug-free.  If it does something
    "better" than but not predictable from the documentation (I don't
    mean a proper superset), it's got a bug.  
    
    "Undocumented features" may exist if the program is a proper superset
    of the documentation, but not if any of the documented function
    is modified.  That really splits "undocumented feature" into two
    categories:  "Hidden" features, which are undocumented on purpose,
    and "bugs", which are undocumented by accident.

Guys, lighten up and look at the title of the Topic.
We've got a chapter in a book about things that aren't in the book...
Doesn't that sound oxymoronish to you?

- tom]

PS: but to get into the fray anyway, "undocumented features"
need not be bugs;  they might have been put in on purpose, as 
"midnight extensions"

    Wouldn't an undocumented feature be considered a bug since, for
    example, upon the invocation of said feature, one would expect
    an error message rather than an unexpected action?     
    
    -joet

    Back to the topic....how about:
    
        "A double negative is a no-no!"

    
    
    "As I've repeatedly reiterated...."
    
    

    It's not clear whether I should use note 118 or 149, but here goes:
    
    	The radio announcer explained that Celtics Basketball Playoff
    	tickets are still available, but the only seats left are ones
    	with an "obstructed view".
    
    /Eric

                             Free Kittens

    Re .11 -- what's oxymoronic about that?  Or am I missing something?
    

        Re: .12 -- you're missing something.  The implication is that
        "Free Kittens" is the usual state of affairs (vis � vis kittens). 
        
        Tom

RE:-.2

   Also note that if you've ever received a "free" kitten, you will, in the
course of a few weeks, have spent a small fortune on the little ball of fur.
This reasoning follows for free puppies, fish, monkeys, platypuses (platypi?).

---Phil

    In Brighton, Ma., on Harvard St., there's a shoe store that actually
    has the following sign in its window:
    
    	Buy One, Get One Free !
    
    /Eric

    Re: .15
    
    You need two to make TRAX!!

    How about 
    
                   GUN SAFETY
    
    
    Hmmmm, it's getting warm in here from the NRA flames.
    

    Re: .17                        
    
    Sorry!  I do not consider GUN SAFETY to be an oxymoron.
    
    It may be only a matter of degree, but you should relate that to
    other devices which also have a danger factor:
    
    Motorcycle Safety, Auto Safety, Boat Safety, Aircraft Safety,
    Power-tool Safety, Swimming-pool Safety, etc. etc.
    
    All can be just as deadly if handled carelessly, or without proper
    training, or with ill intent.
    
    Please note, I do not own a firearm and have not fired one since
    I was in the Army almost 30 years ago.  However, I have friends
    who own one or more and who treat them with respect.  I also know
    people who own some of the other equipment listed above and who
    treat them much too carelessly or with little regard to their annoyance
    of others.  To each his own [recreation]!
                                                  

    Oh, I don't know.  At least vehicles, power tools, etc., are not
    designed with the express purpose of causing damage or death, which
    is the ultimate purpose of guns.  (I include target-practice weapons
    in this category; the original intent of ALL such devices was to
    kill and maim, so their evolution into a "safe" device is almost
    an apology for their existance.)
    
    It's in the same category of the investigation ordered by the U.S.
    Supreme Court about four years ago: the FDA was ordered to investigate
    whether the drugs used in lethal-injection executions were "safe
    and effective" and "posed no health hazards or unnecessary risks".

Re:  "gun safety"

"Gun safety" is indeed oxymoroner than "auto safety" or "boat safety"
or any other the objector listed.

This is because guns are DESIGNED for killing.  Autos, boats, planes,
motorcycles, are generally not DESIGNED for killing.  hence "gun safety"
is more of an oxymoron than the others.

/Eric

    Re .21:
    
    Okay, where is it?
    
    
    				-- edp

    Re: .22
    
    The last one I saw was on Speakers' Corner in Hyde Park (London).

    It seems that just when you submit a seemingly harmless contribution
    into one of these conferences, it hits somebody's hot button and
    the flames leap up.

Can't agree with that...given the comment about NRA flames, it was 
obviously meant to cause comment.  On the other hand, I agree that it 
belongs in SOAPBOX or some other file dedicated to pointless arguments.

				>>>==>PStJTT

    
    
    			Military Intelligence

    re: .26
    

    re:  .26
    
    It's in the league with:
      Jumbo Shrimp
      Guest Host 
                  (George Carlinisms)
    
    But now, let's try making up some new ones that are at least close
    to the dictionary definition of - 
    
    "A rhetorical figure in which incongruous or contradictory terms
     are combined. . . . "
    
    I'll submit the following for openers.
    
    
    Express Checkout Line
    Sears Customer Service Desk
    Athletic Scholarship
    Life Insurance
    .
    .
    .
    

    RE: .28
    
    Sounds like some built-in bias in those first three.  Your personal
    experience may suggest the oxymoron category, but probably not the
    original intent.
    
    And how does "Life Insurance" differ from "Home Insurance", "Auto
    Insurance", etc.?   None of these will _insure_ that no loss will
    occur, but rather will guarantee that someone will be indemnified
    in the event that a loss occurs.

    ..or intelligent NOTing?

    We just received the second annual UFO Facilities Survey
    yesterday, and its last page is reserved for General Special
    Requests.
    
    -John

    re; .31
    
    UFO?  What an interesting site name.  Does the acronym fit?

    
    If the acronym fits, beware it.

    
    
    		In-house Field Service

    DEC Standard

This one actually appears on signs; there must be an explanation:

MLS exclusive

    
    weather forecast
    
    Webster's - forecast - to predict
    		predict - foretell
    		foretell - to indicate beforehand
    
    my interpretation - they must honestly believe it's going to happen
    when they tell us these things!!
   

Getting back to the original topic, which, if you've forgotten, was:

    		THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK

Many years ago, dear children, the RSTS/E system generation program
had a few "hidden options" to enable monitor timings and the fancy
console lights program.  For one release (perhaps V6-C), we decided
that hiding this good stuff was kind of silly, so an appendix was
added to document the options.  It was, of course, called "Hidden
Sysgen Options."

Somewhere around the next release or so, the material in that chapter was
merged into the rest of the manual.  Now, the page looked like this:

		Appendix J

	    Hidden Sysgen Options



	This page intentionally left blank.

-----

Martin.

    This is really a semioxymoron.  When speaking of those with a
    philosophical agreement with a certain military/political event
    in process in Central America, a radio announcer spoke of:
    
    "... those taking the pro-Contra position ..."
    
    admittedly, it looks less strange than it sounded.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.
    

    It isn't half as bad as the classic
    
    	anti-dis-enstablishmentarianism
    
    or is it?
    
    	RMM
    

    Re .41:
    
>   anti-dis-enstablishmentarianism
              ^
    Should be "anti-dis-establishmentarianism".

    Excuse the nit, which is for the benefit of readers who are unfamiliar 
    with the context, namely:
    
    		"(Those people who were in opposition to 
    			(the group wishing to dis-establish the Church of 
    			 England, who were naturally in opposition to
    				(the group wishing to maintain the Church of 
    			 	 England as the established church of
				 the realm
    				)
			 )
		 )"

    Haven't been looking at this conference for some time.  Thought
    it was about time I added another oxymoron.
    
    		ORIGINAL COPY
    

How about

	TOLL FREE phone numbers

If at first glance you disagree that there's a contradiction here, because
you're one of those stuffed shirts that points you that "free modifies the
word toll, you see", then think again.  For instance, how free is it by
the time you call and order something expensive (and "save" money too, not
to mention)

  Re: .-1

  That's not an oxymoron; it's an error.  It should be:

     Toll-free phone numbers

  Now the $64,000 question becomes: "Is it a spelling error, a punctuation
  error, or some other kind of error?"

  JP

    
    For whom the phone tolls?  It tolls for free.
    

    Re .44:
    
    "Free" does not just mean "no expense".  It can also mean "without".  A
    program which is error free has no errors, although many programs come
    with errors at no expense.  A toll-free phone number is one without a
    toll.
    
    
    				-- edp 

    re .47
    
    In this case, it amounts to the same thing.  "Toll-free" doesn't
    mean without expense, you're saying; it means without a toll.  But
    "without a toll" means without expense.  There should be a name
    for this.
    
    Bernie

    re:.47
    
    And Pepsi Free has no Pepsi in it, right?
    
    --- jerry

    Re .48:
    
    There is a name for that:  coincide.
    
    John

    It must mean "without PEPSI", 'cause it cetainly isn't without expense.
    
    So, in the expression "no such thing as a free lunch", is that a
    lunch without expense, or a lunch without food?  I know working
    here, I've had a few LUNCH-FREE days, and a few FREE LUNCH days.
    
    
    

The Practical Astrologer