| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 61.1 | | REGINA::LYNX | | Mon Mar 11 1985 23:05 | 4 |
| That's a lot like calling a nuclear bomb a "nuclear device." Does that make
you nervous when the system tells you about "device errors?" Is a fire alarm's
"condition" catchable with a VMS condition handler? What does one do when
such a condition is caught?
|
| 61.2 | | MUNOIS::DARNOLD | | Tue Mar 12 1985 19:08 | 2 |
| What else can one do but go to bed with a hot water bottle and a stiff drink
(and your teddy, of course!) and wait for the symptoms to pass!
|
| 61.3 | | EAGLE1::LEONARD | | Wed Feb 05 1986 18:44 | 4 |
| I once saw a spec that described a sensor for "nuclear events."
My first question was, "You need a sensor?"
Turned out they wanted to detect them at a distance. (Yeah, I would too.)
|
| 61.4 | | STAR::CALLAS | | Thu Feb 06 1986 22:10 | 3 |
| I'd prefer they described a censor for nuclear events...
Jon
|
| 61.6 | | AUTHOR::WELLCOME | Steve | Wed Dec 24 1986 13:02 | 4 |
| Whales have been beaching themselves on Cape Cod during the last
week or so. I heard somebody on the radio say somehing to the
effect, "If their condition becomes too serious, they will be, um,
euthanized."
|
| 61.7 | Political Correctitude | NEMAIL::KALIKOWD | LibR8 Q8 | Sun Feb 03 1991 02:49 | 54 |
| ... Yeah, I know it's been more than four years since this string has felt a
writer's caress, but it seems the correct venue for this particular sort of
silliness... Not Martin Minow's 377.* which are intentionally obfuscatory
euphemisms for NonComposMentaciousness... Let me therefore attempt to revive
this string with the following uneven batch of just-received gems (?:-) from
my daughter, to serve as a precipitant for some new witticisms from the
JOYOFLEX wordmongers.
She got these from a(n admittedly nerdy:-) friend who entitled them...
=====
Political Correctitude
---------------------
"I'm not lazy, I'm motivationally challenged."
"I'm not stupid, I'm intellectually challenged."
"I'm not slow, I'm athletically challenged."
"I'm not nerdy, I'm socially challenged."
"I'm not uncommunicative, I'm linguistically challenged."
"I'm not short, I'm vertically challenged."
"I'm not quiet, I'm vocally challenged."
"I'm not here, I'm existentially challenged."
"I'm not fat, I'm radially challenged."
"I'm not incapable, I'm really challenged."
"I'm not dickless, I'm genitally challenged."
"I'm not here, I'm geographically challenged."
"I'm not direct, I'm subtly challenged."
"I'm not earthbound, I'm gravitationally challenged."
=====
... and in the above spirit may I propose a couple of my own...
"It's not that I don't give a damn about ecology, I'm environmentally impaired."
(And, shamelessly borrowing from my own 788.11 :-)
"It's not that I have no sense of scansion, I'm enjambementally impaired."
"I'm not having my second childhood, I'm recapitulating ontology."
... Over to you, JOYOFLEXers ... Cheers, Dan
|
| 61.8 | | DUCK::CLEARING_HSE | Brian Patman | Mon Feb 04 1991 00:05 | 1 |
| I'm not amnesiac, I'm
|
| 61.9 | Pentagon Briefings | ODIXIE::LAMBKE | Rick | Mon Feb 04 1991 04:19 | 5 |
| They're not dead civilians; they're collateral damage.
It's not a battle, it's an action.
It's not a bomb target, it's an ordinance.
|
| 61.10 | Gulfisms | MARVIN::KNOWLES | Domimina nustio illumea | Mon Feb 04 1991 13:41 | 4 |
| This could be a whole new topic - the first casualty in war is
language.
b
|
| 61.11 | The massacree at the Pentagon
| CSSE32::RANDALL | Pray for peace | Mon Feb 04 1991 20:11 | 8 |
|
.9> It's not a bomb target, it's an ordinance
"Ordnance" (I think with no "i") is a perfectly correct term for the
bombs and other stuff they're slinging at the targets -- are they
using it to refer to the targets, too???? Sheesh.
--bonnie
|
| 61.12 | Other Pentagonians | ODIXIE::LAMBKE | Rick Lambke @FLA dtn 392-2220 | Thu Feb 07 1991 20:19 | 4 |
| "Short notice excercize" - surprised the hell out of everyone
"Combat Status: unknown" - they have 10 days to determine MIA/KIA/POW
|
| 61.13 | re: .10 first casualty of war | ODIXIE::LAMBKE | work processor | Thu Feb 07 1991 20:22 | 7 |
| >This could be a whole new topic - the first casualty in war is
>language.
"The first casualty of war is truth."
Senator Hiram Johnson, 1917
|
| 61.14 | Eschew! | DUCK::CLEARING_HSE | Polly Glott | Thu Feb 14 1991 21:05 | 4 |
|
"The first casuistry of Euphemisms is LAMBKE's."
Ms Polly Glott, 1991
|
| 61.15 | The | CRISPY::CLEARING_HSE | Polly Glott | Mon Feb 18 1991 13:10 | 53 |
| Excuse the digression!
Rick, I thought you would appreciate the following, extracted from an
item in the Guardian newspaper of 16 February, by David Rowan. In the
piece, entitled "The First Cliche", Rowan reproduces snippets from the
British "quality" press (Times, Guardian, Telegraph, Financial Times,
Independent, Observer) of the past month.
I'll put in the quotes alone, rather than detail the sources...
(NB The final one justifies the inclusion in this topic!)
- If truth is the first casualty of war, then sleep must be the second
- Truth, Credibility, Humanity. Casualties of war.
- Truth is the first casualty of war. A resonant axiom.
- Whatever may have been its first casualty, the English language has
been its second.
- But is the ability to ask questions about morality to be the Church's
first casualty of war?
- The first casualty of Bill Robinson's appointment as special adviser
to Norman Lamont may well be his skiing holiday.
- If truth is the first casualty of war the travel trade reckons it
must be the second.
- Truth is the first casualty of war, followed closely, as we know, by
the television schedules.
- ...the first casualty of war always seems to be the BBC hierarchy's
bottle. ("bottle"=courage)
- If the first casualty of war is truth, then the second is
understanding.
- All those unoriginal articles have been telling us for over a week
now that truth is the first casualty in war. In fact, opinion is.
- Humour becomes first casualty on the home front.
- If truth is the first casualty, priorities are the second.
- The first casualty of war is Lithuania.
- In this war, commercials were the first casualty.
- Truth, after all, is the first casualty of war and euphemism
continues to be the first line of defence.
|
| 61.16 | The ultimate male euphemism? | DIBBLE::PATMAN | Hello. I must be going... | Wed Feb 20 1991 00:37 | 145 |
|
SM Now, Mr Patman, how can I help you?
BP Well, it's rather, um... It's about my...
SM Yes?
BP My, er...well... Gosh, this is difficult!
SM It's all right. You can trust me. I'm a specialist.
BP I know. I know. It's just that I've never spoken with anybody
about it before.
SM About what?
BP About my... DIBBLE::
SM Your DIBBLE::? What on earth is that?
BP Oh, sorry. Of course. It's my... It's my node.
SM Ah, I see! Your node. Always difficult to give it its proper
name, isn't it?
BP Yes. Yes it is. One gets so used to...
SM ...to euphemisms. Disguise the facts. Save the embarrassment.
All that inhibition thing. Quite honestly, Mr Patman, I think it
would be much healthier if we could all come out in the open about
things like this. Stupid social conventions, really. I blame our
parents.
Anyway, enough of my ravings. How may I help you with your node?
What seems to be the problem?
BP Well, you see, it's so small.
SM Oh, come on! I'm sure it's your imagination. You probably just
worry too much about it. Most men experience the feeling of being
inadequate at some time, but...
BP No, honestly. It's really small!
SM How do you...?
BP I've compared it with other people's nodes. All my friends and
colleagues have much bigger ones. Mine is puny by comparison.
SM Oh, well, it's not the physical size that matters, Mr Patman,
it's...
BP ...what you do with it. I know, I know. I've heard all those
patronizing cliches in the past. But I know the truth. It is
SMALL, SMALL, SMALL and I'll never find life as fulfilling as
others.
That's the truth. I just can't do much with it at all.
SM All right, Mr Patman, step over here and we'll have a look at it.
BP There! See what I mean?
SM Gosh! It's so small!
BP I know it's small. That's what I've been saying!
SM I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen...
BP Please! I didn't come here as a freak show. I came to see if you
could help me.
SM OK. Now, does the size of your node prevent you from enjoying,
um... normal, um... communion...?
BP Communion? If you mean do I have trouble getting it together with
other people, the answer is yes. Sure, I can do things within
limitations but people have laughed at my pathetic abilities.
SM For example?
BP Well, any normal person can get it together and doesn't mind the
world knowing it. They just stick their name alongside their node
as if to say, "This is my node and I'm proud of it!"
I end up with prosthetics.
SM Prosthetics?
BP You know, borrow an artificial node with an "extender" to show
that I'm really big. Call it a DOOZER:: or something equally
macho.
Don't get me wrong. I find it very fulfilling and satisfying in
its own way. Others have said, on occasion, that I've given them
pleasure. Somebody once even said, "Wow...impressive!"
SM That doesn't sound like much of a problem to me.
BP But you don't understand. It isn't the same as having my very own
node admired.
It's false. Shallow.
SM Have you tried any other solutions. I mean, you know, other than
normal, straightforward, um...
BP I've indulged in fantasy.
SM Hmm...interesting! Tell me more.
BP I created an alter ego for myself. I took vicarious pleasure from
her activities.
SM "her"? Good grief! You mean you created a female persona to
indulge your...
BP Don't say "indulge"; that sounds frivolous. Polly was me. I was
Polly. She was an artifice within an artifice, seeking the joy of
lex.
But, ultimately, the pleasure I drew from her became tainted. She
became too real. Dominated me. Made me feel even more...
SM Inferior?
BP Exactly. In the answer to my problem was an even bigger problem.
Not only could I not perform normally with my node but I was
beginning to suffer real gender ambiguity.
A man in the States even sent me love letters...
SM I see. I see.
Now, I can't deny that yours is a most fascinating case which
screams for formal study. But I feel it would be unethical to
withhold treatment just to satisfy scientific curiosity.
BP Treatment? You mean you can help me?
SM I think I can. Without too much of a shock to your system, and
fairly rapidly, I think we can enhance the performance of your
node so that, as far as the world is concerned, to all intents and
purposes, you will be normal.
BP Oh really? Oh joy!
|
| 61.17 | mild language | RAGMOP::T_PARMENTER | Unsung Superstar | Fri Mar 25 1994 05:43 | 11 |
| Cable channels are now providing warning notices on what's in upcoming
movies. Most of the warnings are not particularly specific, e.g.
"contains graphic violence", but there's one warning I particularly
like: "contains mild language".
This apparently means contains cussing, but not excessive amounts.
Warning: Next page contains mild language:
"Damn it all!" said Peter, "I've caught my frigging buttons in Mr.
McGregor's goddam gooseberry net!"
|
| 61.18 | "Oh, bother!" said Pooh. | CUPMK::WAJENBERG | | Fri Mar 25 1994 06:29 | 6 |
| "Contains mild language" suggests to me there's a careful avoidance of
anything like swearing at all ... which I gather is NOT what they mean
to convey, so I hope they come up with a better phrase. "Slightly
rough language"?
Earl Wajenberg
|
| 61.19 | | DSSDEV::RUST | | Fri Mar 25 1994 06:57 | 4 |
| How about "Contains watercolor violence"? "Graphic" always makes me
think of blueprints or computer-generated revolving polygons...
-b
|
| 61.20 | | JIT081::DIAMOND | $ SET MIDNIGHT | Sun Mar 27 1994 18:21 | 1 |
| Mathematically, graphic means picturing the curves.
|
| 61.21 | | MU::PORTER | save the ales | Mon Mar 28 1994 13:35 | 13 |
| I'm fond of "contains explicit language".
Oh good, it's not one of those obscure artsy things where
I can't guess what the hell they're talking about.
---
Apropos the same thing, I believe the DEC policy against
smut on the network forbids "inappropriate graphics".
So watch out - if you have a line-drawing on a VAX
in a presentation where you intended to portray
an Alpha box, then you're subject to disciplinary
action.
|
| 61.22 | | GIDDAY::BURT | DPD (tm) | Sun Sep 03 1995 18:11 | 12 |
| I heard this on the radio this morning. Unfortunately during breakfast :^{
A "different" euphemism for "not the full quid"
"a blood-clot short of a black pudding"
Chele
|
| 61.23 | Must you? BTW, that one belongs in 377 | wook.mso.dec.com::mold.ogo.dec.com::lee | Wook like book with a W | Sun Sep 17 1995 22:23 | 1 |
| Eeeeeyuuuuu! Yuck! Ack! Gag! Blech! Icky! Guhrohsuh!
|
| 61.24 | | GVPROD::BARTA | Gabriel Barta/CIO-GPS/Geneva | Mon Sep 18 1995 08:19 | 2 |
| Welcome back, Wook. I like "Guhrohsuh!" very much.
|
| 61.25 | | AUSSIE::WHORLOW | My Cow is dead! | Mon Sep 18 1995 16:31 | 6 |
| G'day,
>>Welcome back, Wook. I like "Guhrohsuh!" very much.
Fried or boiled?
derek
|
| 61.26 | I have no idea where this is coming from, really. | wook.mso.dec.com::mold.ogo.dec.com::lee | Wook like book with a W | Mon Sep 18 1995 23:13 | 3 |
| Frahd, bald, wudduh diverns. Jus' gimme some cay-ENNE pehpuh!
Wook
|