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Conference taveng::bagels

Title:	BAGELS and other things of Jewish interest
Notice:	1.0 policy, 280.0 directory, 32.0 registration
Moderator:	SMURF::FENSTER

Created:	Mon Feb 03 1986
Last Modified:	Thu Jun 05 1997
Last Successful Update:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:	1524
Total number of notes:	18709

1261.0. "Unorthodox Wedding" by TNPUBS::C_MILLER () Tue Sep 22 1992 21:17

    Recently I attended a rather unorthodox wedding between an American Jew 
    (father was a rabbi) and a Canadian protestant. A Justice of the Peace
    presided over the vows, a minister read some passages on love selected
    by the couple, and a rabbi sat in the audience. The couple basically
    created their own service, however, I'm curious to see if some of the
    Jewish rituals were out of line (it has been quite a few years since
    I've been to a Jewish wedding).
    
    For instance: the couple stood under a home-made chupah held up by four
    females (I thought men were supposed to do this?).
    
    The rabbi in the audience (sans yamacha) made a blessing in hebrew
    (when he was summoned from the audience he pushed the couple out from
    under the chupah and stood under it himself) to the couple.
    
    At the reception the rabbi made a blessing over the chalah and
    distributed pieces of it to the bridal party.
    
    The JP placed the glass on the ground and the couple both stomped on it
    at the end of the ceremony.
    
    What bothers me is the chupah, breaking the glass, and the rabbi
    without the yamacha (was he making a statement?). I think the Israeli
    songs sung was appropriate enough, but I was rather offended by the
    other customs which were performed (they lost their traditional meaning
    to me). Any comments?

T.R	Title	User	Personal Name	Date	Lines
1261.1	sounds ok to me, considering...	TNPUBS::STEINHART	Laura	`Tue Sep 22 1992 22:15`	16
	By Jewish law, this was not a Jewish wedding even though one party was Jewish and they used some Jewish elements. There is no Jewish law (that I know of) that prohibits the use of Jewish traditions in a non-Jewish wedding. So although the chuppah, glass, and hatless rabbi offended you, they are not in violation of any Jewish law or tradition. (There IS no tradition for mixed marriage weddings, of course.) Probably the rabbi was a friend of the family who did them a favor by attending. He was correct in not wearing a yarmulke (unless he wears one all the time), because he only wears a yarmulke for Jewish religious services and ceremonies. I understand why he pushed the couple out of the chuppah: He didn't want to consecrate a non-Jewish wedding, and the chuppah is an integral element of Jewish weddings. L
1261.2	The canopy, at least, sounds OK.	ERICG::ERICG	Eric Goldstein	`Wed Sep 23 1992 11:02`	9
	.0> For instance: the couple stood under a home-made chupah held up by four .0> females (I thought men were supposed to do this?). My wife and I had an Orthodox (though not entirely orthodox) wedding, and this precise question came up. Our rabbi told us that there is no halachic significance to how the chupah is supported. The poles may be held by men, women, or children; for that matter, they may be physically attached to the floor, without human support. In our case, the poles were held by 3 men and 1 woman.
1261.3		SAINT::STCLAIR		`Wed Sep 23 1992 16:32`	12
	Re .1 >> He was correct in not wearing a yarmulke (unless he wears one all the time), because he only wears a yarmulke for Jewish religious services and ceremonies. I thought the reason for wearing a yarmulke was to show respect when G-ds name is mentioned. Therefore shouldn't one be worn at any religious service Christian, Islam, etc? /doug
1261.4	Why did he bother?	VERGA::STEWART	Caryn....Perspective is Everything!	`Fri Oct 02 1992 18:54`	21
	It seems to me, and this is of course just my opinion, that it's rather rude of the rabbi to "push" the couple out from under the chuppa before saying the blessing. If, as suggested in a previous reply, the rabbi was not wanting to consecrate a union that was not truely Jewish, then perhaps it would have been more appropriate for him to decline the invitation to participate. If he was, by his actions (the chuppa thing and not wearing a yarmulke) keeping himself from consecrating the marriage, then what was the blessing for? Seems a bit hypocritical to me. Personally if it were my wedding, I would rather not have the blessing of a rabbi at all if it meant it came from one who showed such obvious contempt. But that's me. ~Caryn