Conference taveng::bagels

680.0. "The Exodus - Digital Style" by PERVAX::WAKY (Onward, thru the Fog...) Tue Apr 04 1989 12:48

Someone sent this to me today - thought it was great fun and the timing is
great as we plan our Passover celebrations!

Waky


Memorandum No. 1

To: Aaron, Brother of Moses
From: Moses, Servant of the Lord
Subject: Advanced Planning for the Exodus

As you know, at the burning bush The Lord God Almighty informed me He planned
to deliver Israel from Egypt to Canaan.  I spoke to Him again today and it
looks like He's really sold on the Project.  This being the case, and taking
into consideration His single-mindedness in matters like these, I felt that we
had better start Advanced Planning as soon as possible.  Therefore, I'd
appreciate it if you would head up this area and arrange a meeting with
cognizant tribal leaders to see what system they can devise.  It's going to be
a tough one to tackle -- and with You-Know-Who taking a personal interest, it
would be politically unwise (to say the least) to shove through a crisis plan
five minutes before we take off.  On the other hand, it would also be
politically unwise to sacrifice speed of implementation for over-complexity. 
I'll leave it up to you.  Keep me informed of significant developments.


Memorandum No. 2

To: Moses, Servant of the Lord
From: Aaron, Committee Chairman
Subject: Project Exodus Planning Committee

In response to your request, I met with the tribal leaders yesterday evening
to set up a Project Exodus Planning Committee -- or PEP Committee, as we
decided to call it.  The Project was well received, particularly after I let
it slip Who was the Backer.  The tribal leaders set up the typical Steering
Committee/Task Force organization, with the Committee heavy on planning types
(elders, leaders, and others not presently working) and the Task Forces
staffed with key technical personnel (overseers, stores keepers, and flock
coordinators).  The Task Forces will meet daily after the evening meal, the
Committee plans to meet on-demand, at unspecified intervals.  The Committee
personnel, however, intend to use their individual powers of influence to
bring to fruition whatever plans the Task Forces evolve.

So far, the following Task Forces have been established as entities:

   a) Census Problems Analysis (people-oriented),

   b) Census Problems Analysis (animal-oriented),

   c) Canaan Location Determination (these are coordinating and
      mutually dependent),

   d) Route Analysis,

   e) Provision Requirements Analysis,

   f) Provisions-on-Hand Analysis, and

   g) Provision Transportation Analysis.

It is expected that more Task Forces will be created as the problem areas
become more clearly defined.

I intend to monitor the PEP/TF meetings for a few days to get a thorough feel
for the trend things are taking.  I'll report back to you as soon as I have
more data.


Memorandum No. 3

To: Moses, Servant of the Lord
From: Aaron, PEP Coordinator
Subject: PEP Status

The Task Forces and Steering Committes are progressing well; however, there is
one problem that requires your attention.  The Task Force personnel feel that
they would be much more productive if they could delegate subordinates to
perform non-PEP tasks and devote full-time to the Project.  Maybe you could
approach Him on this -- He might be able to arrange something with the
Egyptians.

The plagues He sent have also caused difficulty.  The meeting ground is near
the river, and between the dead fish odor and the influx of frogs, things have
not proceeded at an optimum pace.  It would therefore be appreciated if the
next demonstration plague could be directed, perhaps, more inland.

Another PEP Task Force has been created -- you might add it to your list.
It's the "Transition Implication Analysis" group.  Several people pointed out
that we hadn't considered the psychological over-pressure engendered by
uprooting so many people for such an extensive period of time in such a
sustained stress-situation.

It's heartening to realize so many diverse groups are beginning to actively
participate in the PEP concept.  I'm sure we'll come up with an exciting
system structure.

Have you any word on how much more time we have?  The Task Forces are just
beginning to understand the nature of the problem, and the Steering Committee
is relatively quiescent, awaiting definitive program of (inland) plagues to
Him the next time you have a conference.

By the way -- would it be possible to have bread and wine provided for the
meetings?  I feel that participation would be greatly enhanced.


Memorandum No. 4

To: Aaron, Brother of Moses
From: Moses, Servant of the Lord
Subject: Progress of the Exodus Planning Project

I have take your recommendations into consideration and will do what I can.
Unfortunately, your memo arrived too late to stop the lice.  I hope the river
area was relatively free from dust.

I am a bit uncertain about your latest Task Force group.  I have a feeling
that He would not entirely appreciate the need for "Transition Implication
Analysis."  I could be wrong -- but in the light of our discussion on political
posture, I suggest you change the name to something like "Religious Support
Requirements."  Sorry.

What have your Task Forces produced so far?  They have been freed from the
routine tasks for some time now.  As I understand it from Him, we have about
six or seven plagues to go -- and the intervals between are not lengthy.  I'd
appreciate it if you could get across the urgency of developing concrete
procedures.  We can explore the theoretical at leisure during the trip.


Memorandum No. 5

To: Moses, Servant of the Lord
From: Aaron, PEP Leader
Subject: Preliminary Findings

The fleas weren't too bad -- but please inform Him that a number of our people
work in Egyptian homes.  We had two T/F support members rendered absolutely
useless by the fly plague.  Something must be done to institute better controls.

As for PEP findings -- do you have any idea of how far off Canaan is?  And how
inaccessible?  There is no "good" way to get to the place -- the T/F concluded
the only logical way is by the sea.  The next best (and I use the word loosely)
is by the Coast Route.  Any other way is insanity.  PEP also concluded that the
Provisions required matched with the Provision Transportation available will
require that every may, woman, child and animal (as revealed by the combined
Census) must carry, at the very minimum 275 pounds of stores.  This is for the
simplest, most direct journey.  The other was off the counting device.

Another thing -- the "Transition Implication Analysis" group (which you
arbitrarily destroyed because, some feel, it threatened your politically
omnipotent self-concept) reports that 99.44% of the children of Israel will:

  a) die on the way, or
 
  b) commit suicide, or

  c) defect to the nearest civilized community.

These findings were based on the fact that the most direct journey would take
at least ten years -- and the most indirect (a ridiculous route based on the
premise of crossing the Red Sea, looping down the peninsula, crossing the
Wilderness of Sin and looping back up again) might take more than twenty years.

The actual consensus is that Israel would be better off in Egypt.  The
population explosion within the group shows great promise -- in fact, it
indicates that within two generations the native Egyptians may well be
significantly outnumbered.  Both Committee and Task Forces feel this approach
has the potential of offering a particularly stimulating alternative system
concept, and is worthy of an all-out investigation-in-depth.

The PEP groups also feel that perhaps His desires and His influence have
possibly been afforded greater weight than the occasion calls for.  They
believe that many currently acute problems with the Egyptians have been
precipitated by Outside interference, and that involved groups interacting on
a local level should be left free to handle local problems.

After intensive study of all facets of the question, I feel personally inclined
to agree with them.  The Project, as originally conceived, is simply not
feasible.

As a note -- despite numerous request, we have never received any wines, or
any breads.  I trust this will be remedied.


Memorandum No. 6

To: Aaron, Brother of Moses
From: Moses, Servant of the Lord
Subject: Exodus

At 0600 tomorrow you will have the people ready to leave.  They will take their
animals, the personal belongings that they can carry, unleavened bread -- and
nothing else.  They will proceed South to the Red Sea, which they will cross,
and then further South to pass through the Wilderness of Sin and loop back up
the peninsula.  The PEP Committee and the Task Forces will be disbanded.
Everyone will move as a group.  There will be no divisions.  You will report
to my tent as soon as possible; I have a few letters that need attention.

He says He appreciates your efforts but, thanks anyway.  He feels His overview
of the situation is sufficient.

I sincerely regret you never got the bread and wine.