| Leo,
Sorry to hear of your father's passing. When I read your note,
my first reaction was to suggest the Dr. Lamm book. That having
been done, I have some (free) advice and information.
Even reading a book as well thought out as Lamm's, it's possible
to become overwhelmed by the abundance of observances associated
with mourning. Literally hundreds will be described in that book.
You'll even find information on what to do when you cannot attend
the funeral or visit the gravesite.
Let me suggest a few basic observances. You'll find them described
in detail in the book.
1. Kaddish. The Kaddish (in general) is a prayer recited several
times in a service, at the conclusion of sections of the service.
Its message is: G-d is to be magnified and sanctified forever.
He is the one and only supreme being.
A special Kaddish, called the Kaddish Yatom (mourner's Kaddish)
is recited by mourners at various times during daily worship.
It is recited only in the presence of a minyan (10 adult Jewish
males).
It is a Jewish tradition to recite the mourner's Kaddish each
day during the first eleven months after a death, and then
on the yahrtzeit (anniversary of death).
One suggestion would be to make a commitment to attend a
synagogue service on a regular basis (weekly, perhaps) and
recite the Kaddish.
2. Tzedakah -- giving money. It is quite appropriate to make a
donation in your father's name. Some suggestions: CJP,
a local synagogue, trees in Israel, scholarship funds,
Soviet Jewry support/interest groups, etc. Consider making your
donation on a regular basis (monthly, yearly, etc.).
3. Music/celebrations. During certain periods of mourning, listening
to music or attending certain types of celebrations is limited.
You may wish to limit your music listening, for instance, by
not listening to the radio in the car. Also, you may put your
favorite records or cassette tapes away until the end of
shoshim (thirty days from interment).
These are some things that you can implement immediately until you've
had a chance to read the book and choose for yourself what you'll
observe.
If you need any more information, let me know.
Dave
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| Leo
Much sympathy to you and your family.
I know you are located in the Worcester area, (at least you work
near there). There are a number of resources in this area that could
help you. I am sure that any of the Rabbis in the area would be
most happy to speak with you. There is also the JCC, and the Jewish
Family Service, should you need additional resources.
If I can be of help, please let me know.
Jack
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| My thanks to everyone who replied, both here and through the mail.
I really appreciate your support.
I visited a rabbi of a local temple in Framingham and he suggested
basically the same. Considering that my father died far away, and
my non-religious background, he said that I should observe shivah
(mourning for seven days), recite Kaddish, and wear a black ribbon.
He also gave a small booklet which describes all the ritual.
Again, thank you very much.
Leo
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