Conference tallis::celt

398.0. "Maloney's Revenge" by DUB01::OSULLIVAN_D (Whereabouts unknown) Fri Jun 24 1988 06:08

For the faint-hearted, the following poem could be considered bawdy.
If you wish, horseman, pass by.    
		MALONEY'S REVENGE
			    Brendan Kennelly.

	The Lover Flynn, Maloney said,
	Was a gay man, accordin' to many. He'd
	Go through women like shit through a goose.
	Through the length an' breadth of the land he was
	Famous for capers. The gas
	Thing was he didn't give a fiddlers fart
	For any woman, though chasin', in worst and best,
	The delights of belly, bum and breast.
	Came the day, Maloney said,
	When he coaxed a woman out of my bed
	And treated her like all the others,
	Leavin' me high and dry, like many another mother's
	Son. That was the lover out the door -
	He'd take the lot and come back for more
	And never give a tinker's curse
	What soul was wounded, what body was hurt,
	What heart-breakin' things were said or done.
	The lover was gone, a shot from a gun.


	 But every dog will have his day
	And the time will come, come what may,
	When the man who has broken many a heart
	Will lose his own, and the craft and art
	Of years can't help him. So it was
	With the Lover Flynn. He fell
	Arseoverappetite headoverheels in love
	With the tidiest thing you ever saw,
	A doctor's daughter, neat an' prim,
	Halted the gallop of the Lover Flynn.
	Now a man in love is a man gone mad
	And the Lover wanted to prove he had
	Talent and brains and money galore;
	If she asked for something, he'd give her more
	And more again. The day arrived
	When the Lover at last decided
	He'd try to make her for a wife
	And settle down in the married life.
	As you well know, my friends, there's no-one more
	Respectable than your unscrupulous fucker
	When he decides to settle at last.
	You'd swear there was no such thing as the past.
	But the past is there, it keeps it's life
	In spite of house and child and wife.

	 Now what do you think of this for gumption!
	Says the Lover to me, 'Maloney, old pal, will you
	Do me a favour? When I go to her house
	To pop the question
	I want her to see the two of us
	There on the doorstep. I'll be dressed
	Like a lord, much better than best.
	I want you to act as my serving-man
	To whom I will hand my hat and cane
	When she opens the door.' 'All right,' I said,
	Thinkin' of her he'd lured from my bed.
	'Lover, old pal, you have your man
	Ready to take your hat and cane,
	Willin' to go through flood and fire
	To see that you get your heart's desire.'


	 The day arrived. We approached her house,
	The lordly Lover and my humble self,
	Bearing his hat and stick. A few yards from the door
	The Lover said, 'Hand me my topper now.'
	I did, and he put it on his head
	As I knocked at the door which she opened
	Herself. The Lover smiled from ear to ear
	And doffed his hat with a flourish there.
	As he did, she screamed in fright
	Or perhaps in disgust at the sight
	Of the shite on the Lover's head
	Sittin' there, innocent, neat,
	Till it plopped to the ground at the girl's feet
	From the polished head of the Lover Flynn.
	The Lover's face was black as sin
	As he whirled on me but I was the one
	Who was laughin' now after sweet revenge
	Well taken. Triumphant now and ready to run
	I spoke to my lord
	A few simple words -
	'Lover, old pal, what's the use,' I said,
	'Of love in your heart if you've shit in your head?'
	And then I was gone. Revenge was sweet.
	The Lover's future stank at his feet.
	The sound of my laugh was the sound of the past
	Squaring accounts with the Lover at last.