Conference tallis::celt

    Great stuff John.  Post it in GREAT_BRITAIN notesfile :-)

Isn't it amusing that all that jingoistic parish-pumpery in .1 was written
    in English! :-)
    
    Anyway, here are two contrasting views of contemporary British society:
    
    			     Expostulation and Reply

  		        The International Philanthropist

       		There are many Continentals who don't smell very sweet,
   		And most of them are really rather crude.
       	        Any Englishman will tell you in a manner most discree
	        That these foreigners do no-one any good.

       		But should any Englishman chance to go abroad
       		He'll be respected everywhere he goes,
		For an Englishman, it's plain to see, is very close to God
	 	As every Heathen, Wog or Dago knows.

        	He will furl his umbrella, don his bowler, catch the train,
		Be sure to wear his stiffest upper lip,
       		And he'll travel to a country where there isn't so much rain
       		And his will be the hand that holds the whip.

		There he'll educate the natives and make them civilised
		And teach them all exactly what's their place.
		Then he'll give them independence when they're well enough advised
       		And leave them then a far, far better race.

		When he's solved every problem and all nations speak one tongue,
       		You may meet him sometimes in his club, and then
		He will condescend to say that though their praises stay unsung
		It's a damn good thing this world has Englishmen.

       		J. B. Henderson, Surrey, 1970.
 	  
        	        The International Philanthropissed

		There are many Continentals who guzzle lots of beer
		And others who feel better drinking wine,
       		Any Scotsman though will tell you that both to him are dear,
      		And that whisky makes him feel so very fine.

		Should any Scotsman chance to go abroad
		He'll be the toast of every bar
       		With generous libations, for, Good Lord,
       		The Scotsman's Heaven's never very far.

		He will stuff things in his sporran, don his kilt and catch the train
		And try hard not to tremble for a drink,
		For swilling so much liquor has done damage to his brain,
		And it pains him sorely if he has to think.

		Betimes he must come South and, to his horror, cross the border,
		Which thought will drive the poor Scotsman insane,
		For in such temperate climes no pub can match his order,
		So soon he's off to Scotland once again.

		He bellows out his Scottish songs in his voice so warm, so glorious
		And rests his case on the local magistrates' leniencies.
		He makes his presence felt in a manner most notorious -
		It's a damn good thing this world has Public Conveniencies.

       		P. Mannion, Leipzig, 1977.
	

A reply from a GB noter after I posted this in GREAT_BRITAIN
    
               <<< RDGCSS::$1$DU72:[NOTES$LIBRARY]GREAT_BRITAIN.NOTE;2 >>>
                       -< The Great Britain Conference >-
================================================================================
Note 281.5                     Dream or Nightmare?                        5 of 9
CASV07::EPRESTON                                     45 lines  20-OCT-1987 18:10
                         -<  ...a day in the life...  >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, pity the poor Englishman, muddling through life surrounded by inventions...


On another typical day in Merrie Olde England, the intrepid Englishman rises 
to the sound of his alarm clock, invented by Antonio Alarum, an ancient Roman.
Little does he know that the numbers on the face of the clock he so regularly 
depends on were invented by Achmad Numberibad, an Arab, nor does he give a 
second thought to time itself, invented long ago, probably by God Himself, to 
keep us from getting ahead of ourselves.

As he slowly wakens to the day, drawing his bath (another Roman invention), he
pauses in thankfulness to James Watt - the Scotsman who invented hot water on
the way to inventing steam - and lays out his safety razor, invented by King 
Gillette, an American, and soap, invented by Erasimus Fastidiarum in 426 BC.

After his bath, being no doubt a tidy chap, he applies underarm deodorant,
invented by Louis II of France (of necessity, since the French at that time
eschewed the use of Roman inventions - except on occasions of State).
He may, however, take great national pride as he next employs that invention 
upon which civilization as we know it so greatly depends, the Water Closet,
invented during the reign of Queen Victoria, by Sir James ... ahh... I forget 
his last name..., but he invented it, just the same... so don't go thinking
the French invented it just because it's called a toilet! They invented toilet
water, but no, NOT the water IN the toilet (let's not get silly now). He may 
take further comfort in reminding himself that while the Scots may forego 
frivolous French inventions, there's nary a Scot without a WC!

As he shakes himself from his reverie (possibly another French invention, from
the sound of it) silently vowing to pursue more edifying thoughts, he makes his 
way to the kitchen (invented by the Danes in the 10th century, but who cares?)
He turns on his radio, invented by Marconi (an Italian?), and made in Hong Kong
or Japan or Taiwan. He takes a moment to consider his breakfast options:
Should he have toast (nobody knows who invented that - probably an accident)
topped with Marmalade invented by that Scottish lady, or really go for it and
put a scone under that Marmalade? Oatmeal on the side, too? How 'bout an English
Muffin instead? Oops, it's getting late - maybe just orange juice. Invented by
Ponce de Leon...

As he makes his way out the door, wearing and carrying numerous items, most of
which were invented by someone, he hops into his British Cadillac (Rolls Royce) 
and makes his way to his job in Investment Banking (some say invented in the
Middle East long ago), thankful he really doesn't have to keep track of all
those inventions after all, otherwise he'd probably need Psycoanalysis,
invented by an Austrian, Zigmund Freud...

    Leaprechauns have some news.
    
    re .3
    
    Marconi --- Italian????????
    
    Well not exactly ---- his mother was Irish. Has anybody ever checked
    out Marconi's exrly experiments with radio in Ireland.. It's fairly
    significant.
    
    Snake makes radio waves.

Adding more to 276.4 about Marconi.

Did you know that there is a house on the RTE grounds in Donnybrook
where Marconi was either born or raised, I can't remember which.

For the unitiated, RTE - Radio Telifis Eireann - is the Irish Radio
and Television channels.  The voice of government for the people, or
so it seems a lot of the time.

Bernard

         Let's just leave it as the voice of the government, at least
    for so long as SEC. 31 remains in effect.