| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 804.1 | progress, not perfection; sounds like you're doing okay! | GOLLY::CARROLL | Ask me about the '93 AIDS WALK | Fri May 21 1993 19:49 | 14 |
| Hi, Suzanne, I understand completely! The urge the eat over feelings
doesn't just go away overnight - it seems to last forever, at least it
has lasted for me through 2 years of recovery. The recovery part is
that 1) I don't have to act on it, and 2) I have other tools to deal
with my feelings so it happens less often. It sounds like both 1 and 2
are true for you as well - so that is progress. Remember, progress,
not perfection. It sounds like you are very in touch with what was
going on with you that night, and took care of yourself as well as you
could at that moment, so you're okay!
Have you considered noting in the EATING_DISORDERS notesfile? We talk
a lot more about this kind of stuff there.
D!
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| 804.2 | Tomorrow is another day. | ALFA2::PEASLEE | | Fri May 21 1993 21:49 | 6 |
| Why couldn't you just say no to your mom?
It sounds like you are punishing yourself (by eating more) for
not standing up for yourself.
Nancy
|
| 804.3 | WAKE-UP CALL | VMSNET::D_GRADY | | Sat May 22 1993 00:35 | 8 |
| It appears to me that, on the contrary, you are blaming your
mother for your own inadequacies. You were weak! Who isn't
at some time...but whether or not your Mom made that impromptu
request or not, you would have stuffed yourself with the
wrong stuff! Face it.....and then go on.....you ARE entitled
to not be perfect....but don't use your mother and the crutch!
|
| 804.4 | how about "human"? | GOLLY::CARROLL | Ask me about the '93 AIDS WALK | Mon May 24 1993 15:55 | 5 |
| inadequacies? weak?
glad to see we are so free of judgement of others in here.
D!, as perfect as I can be for today
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| 804.5 | Can we HIDE .3 | SOLVIT::TRUBACZ | | Mon May 24 1993 20:28 | 12 |
| I agree with D! While people are always free to express their own
opinions and ideas, they should make sure they understand what the
topic is and if an opinion or judgment is called for.
In this case Suzanne has shared something very personal and asked for
support not critism and NOT in the way it was said. You can't read the
system.
I would ask that the moderator *hide* .3 any one else agree.
Pauline
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| 804.6 | I've looked at life from both sides now... | BPSOF::NEWBERG | | Tue May 25 1993 08:25 | 40 |
|
I'm really going to stick my neck out on this one. Please don't chop
off my head. I agree that when someone really spills their guts and
reveals something very personal that affects their behavior, that we
have an obligation and an opportunity to be supportive. Different
people are supportive in different ways and people respond to advice in
different ways. The wake up call was an opinion and a form of advice to
say "now that you know what the problem is, guard against your typical
reaction, i.e., overeating". I think that people writing in to this
file have the opporunity to share what works for them to control their
weight and also the opportunity to share unique problems in facing
these choices. As a public forum, all are allowed to say what they
feel. There is no disclaimer that says you have to always be polite.
Weight control is a tough issue and it sometimes takes some toughness
to get through it.
I reread .3 and I saw it as tough advice. Sometimes, when I reveal that
I've reverted to some bad eating habits because of an emotional
situation, I need someone to say to me "Enough! Over-eating will not
keep your mother from ruling your life!" But, I also need to hear them
say "it's ok this time, just pull yourself up for next time." I think
that's what .3 was saying.
I am living in a country that just got out from under 45 years of
communism (read that as CENSORSHIP). My belief is that as long as our
comments are not full of libel or slander, we are free to express
opinions. I'm sure this file is not meant to be replied to only by
licensed psychotherapists, but normal, struggling human beings who view
this rocky road through life differently.
Rebuttals?
(Pauline - can we still be friends?)
I do agree, however, that the more sensitive issues might be better
dealt with in the conference dedicated to eating disorders.
|
| 804.7 | I will look at the full circle... | SOLVIT::TRUBACZ | | Tue May 25 1993 14:14 | 7 |
| Friends, Amy? After what you just said.... FOREVER friends :) Thank
you for adding sanity to a sensitive issue.
You are one smart lady......
humbly
=me=
|
| 804.8 | thanks for the advice. | CSLALL::LEONHART | Aussie land calling me | Tue May 25 1993 22:02 | 44 |
| Yes I know that one of my areas that need a lot of work is dealing
with my mother and how she makes me feel. A lot of my self esteem
probelms are around my mother.
I really truly belive that she has a lot of guilt around how my
ealy childhood was.
When we lived in Australia dad left us and mom has to work full time
and even longer, to make ends meet. I was sent of to sitters.
When we got to Germany I was sent to live with my grandparents
and as i tried to explain to mom I have only bad memories of my
grandmother who (it seamed to )always hit me or yelled at me about one
thing or the other. When we finerly came here mom had remarried and
life was good (i had a full time mom and a dad)
well all that ended when my sister came along. By this time i was
14 years old and the last thing i wanted was a baby taking away
all the attention i was getting.
I became a reble. Ran away from home took drugs and drank until i
could not feel a thing.
Right about this time in my life god through me a curve ball.
A baby (my son who is 18 now and a very well ajusted person)
This was an end to drugs and drink.
But then there was food.
Back to mom. I truly belive it is becouse of the lack of time toghether
as achild that she hold on too tight now and when I try (belive me I
have tried) to stand my ground she makes me feel like the unworthy
daughter. Mind you she does not do this to my sister who lives in CA
and my brother who lives at home.
"no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
is a saying i have been trying to live with and learn from.
I know I rambled quite a bit here.
As for the other notes, No I am not afended.
I was hurt at first but program kecked in and told me it's
there opinion and i asked for it.
so thank you for being open and honest with me.
The truth hurts more then a lie but at least I can deal with it..
Meny thanks
suzanne.
|
| 804.9 | | HDLITE::ZARLENGA | Michael Zarlenga, Alpha P/PEG | Tue Jun 01 1993 02:29 | 11 |
| re:.0
Don't let a stumble mean a fall.
But don't take solace in blaming this on anyone else.
You ordered the food, you ate it. No one else did that.
And you alone can stop that problem right now, if you want.
Take control of your life and run it the way YOU want to.
|
| 804.10 | | HDLITE::ZARLENGA | Michael Zarlenga, Alpha P/PEG | Tue Jun 01 1993 02:32 | 10 |
| .5> -< Can we HIDE .3 >-
No.
As painful as .3 may be, it's a legitmate expression of someone's
opinion. You can't make everything you don't want to see go away.
Learn to accept it or reject it, but don't start trying to censor
people who say things that displease you. That's no way to handle
the real world, where you can't simply hide people.
|
| 804.11 | emotional topic for me | SOLVIT::TRUBACZ | | Tue Jun 01 1993 18:37 | 5 |
| Already realized (thank you), my note was based on emotion as well, and
yes, each is entitled to express an idea, or thought and opinion.
Pauline
|
| 804.12 | And ANOTHER Thing | POCUS::FEINMAN | | Mon Jun 21 1993 19:04 | 26 |
| This might be a little "after the fact", but the reaction to the
suggestion that we hide #3 might have been better directed to the
perceived insensitity and self-righteousness expressed therein.
Pauline doesn't appear to me to be advocating either censorship or
hiding people, but rather trying to protect someone who shared a very
intimate experience and the desire to grow from it from the harsh
judgments of someone else.
ThatSuzanne was able to garner something positive from the note and
take responsibility for her actions is a tribute to her strength and
willingness to expand her ideas, that Pauline wanted to shelter a
friend from hurt is an example of the kindness, support and
encouragement found in this file.
That alternative opinions are expressed and the ability to contribute
without fear of being censored or chastised is the manifestation of our
wonderful first amendment rights.
BUT, #3, maybe a softer phrase might work its way into your "advice" to
others?
I am very impressed by the professionalism, tolerance and compassion
expressed by these responses.
Sylvia (who has to add her 2 cents now and then!)
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