Conference rocks::weight_control

Hi Gale...

Wow, that's a tough one! I don't usually feel that I have the right 
to confront someone when they lie about how much weight they have
lost or how they stayed on program or whatever. Of course, it 
would depend on my relationship with the person. If it was someone
I was close to, I would be more inclined to confront them than if it 
was just an aquaintance. 

I also probably wouldn't be saying "good person" very much if
I knew the person was lying.  

On the other hand, I would try to still provide support and
encouragement. Not by complimenting them on how well they have
done (when they really haven't) but by encouraging them to eat 
right, maybe offering to shop with them or go walking or whatever.

Honestly, though, Gale, I have to say...I am a very honest and 
straightforward person. I don't enjoy dealing with people who lie.
If the situation you describe went on for a long time (that is, it
was more than an occasional thing) I probably would end up having less
and less to do with the person. 

    This one's a toughie Gale but a good question...I had a similar
    situation come up recently, and I'm not sure I handled it the best
    way possible.
    
    A couple of gut reactions, for what they're worth:
                             
    It may be worth confronting the person involved on the chance that
    that person lied to you to avoid "letting you down".  If that was
    the case, perhaps some reassurance for that person is in order
    ("Everyone has days where they go off program or bad weighins, I'm
    not going to bite your head off when you do, so please tell it like
    it is.").  If the person lied for some other reason, I'm not sure
    what I'd do....my reaction would be (and was in the above mentioned
    case) one more of disappointment than anger.
    
    As for the question "Do you still give them your time and support",
    that would for me depend on whether it was a case of one lie or
    continuous lying.  Anyone's entitled to an occasional transgression,
    but a person who continuously refuses to face the truth about his/her
    weightloss efforts is only fooling his/herself, as well as wasting
    the time of others trying to support him/her.
    
    
    Paul

    
    
    I would not give up on that person as we can't see that persons
    insides. 
    Maybe by you showing that person that you are doing it and not
    laying maybe that person will see who wrong they were and correct
    themselves.
         
    
    Of course that person is only fooling themselves and is hurting
    only them ..and if you have a chance and you notice it maybe
    you could say it like in a nice way..Like are you following your
    program alright and do you understand it ?  
    
    
    I have a friend that lies to get attention and it's kind of
    sad but I just listen and not say anything as I know she
    is hurting inside and I would be afraid of hurting that
    person..
    
    I know I had said one time that I had lost some weight one
    time and I really didn't .. as it was a hard week and I
    asked the leader what should I say to friends , and that
    leader said say you did fine and if they bug you just tell
    them you lost .. That person your weightloss is your busniess
    and noone has to know but you and your leader.
    
    
    It's not easy...
    
    
    best of Luck
    
    
    Ann
    
    
    

    There are some people who are pathological liars; they will lie rather
    than tell the truth for no apparent reason.  If this person is one of
    those, you have two choices: either try to get them into counseling
    (not easy), or get them out of your life.  Chances are very good that
    you alone won't change them.

    Most people, however, lie because they think they have something to
    gain (this is not always a conscious process).  So step back and take
    a look at *why* this person might be lying.  Most of us who have been
    overweight for as long as we can remember are rather fragile; we need
    the approval of others to be sure we're okay.

    You have been on a weight loss program for some time.  You've been
    steadfast and successful.  Now your friend is having trouble sticking
    to program.  It seems likely to me that she is feeling insecure about
    how you'll view her if she admits that she's weaker than you are. 
    Believe it or not, you may be intimidating!

    I would sit down someplace quiet with this person, and say, "Look, I
    know it's hard.  I've had setbacks and pig-out days, too.  I won't
    think any less of you for them, and I do want to help.  Please let me. 
    If you won't admit that you're having a problem, I can't do much to
    help you through it."

    Let the person know that you are aware that they lied, but that you are
    still their friend, in spite of that.  Friendship means helping through
    rough times, and you do want to help.  Don't be too rough on them --
    the only thing they could've hoped to gain by those lies was your
    approval, which shows how much they needed it.

    Beverly