Conference rocks::weight_control

    One time I was in a Howard Johnson on the Mass Pike.  I was standing
    at the take out counter trying to catch the attention of a waitress.
    There was a man standing next to me who was of average build.  
    As the waitress was working behind the counter, she passed
    directly infront of both of us.  Several times we both tried to
    get her attention by speaking to her, but she seemed to look right
    thru us.  After repeated attempts on both our parts to speak
    to her, I remarked to the man next to me "I hate it when people
    treat me as if I were invisable!" to which he replied "Lady, if
    _YOU_ are invisable, WHAT AM I?".  I wonder what sort of mentality 
    it took to say that sort of thing to a complete stranger.
    
    Marion (who_came_up_with_ten_good_comebacks_five_minutes_later) 
                                            

    re .1:
    
    >	...I wonder what sort of mentality 
    >	it took to say that sort of thing to a complete stranger.
                                       
    Probably complete ignorance and insensitivity...
    
    
    I wouldn't quite classify this as an "insult", but it really got
    under my skin the time my four year old nephew held his arms as
    far apart as he could and asked his mother, "Why Uncle Paul *this
    big*?".

    
    RE To 104.1,2 
    
    Yes people don't care what they say and they think they are being
    funny.  
    And that story Paul about that your nephew hit home because one
    summer my sister and I did the laundry in a laundry mat and a little
    girl came over to my sister and said are you skinny and she said
    yes and then of course she comes to me and said are you fat?
    Of course kids don't know that those kind of things you shouldn't
    ask..but then I think she is young and doesn't understand it yet.
    
    Also I talke to my pastor one time and he said if a person makes
    fun of a person or can't except a fat person that , that person
    is the one with the problem not the fat person.  A fat person 
    knows they are fat and doesn't need the world to tell them...
    
    I think fat people have taken alot from people and I bet if 
    people weren't so mean that alot of us would never have been fat.
    
    I feel that you will find that heavy people seem to be very caring
    people..
    
    I will bless the day when I win this over eatting problem and see
    what else the world can find???
    
    Hang in there friends we will come out shining yet!!!
    
    
    Ann
    
    
    
    
    

    There was a guy I dated for a short while in college who graced
    me with his Very Own Nickname:  Thunderbuns.  Which he used to call
    me in public.
    
    I writhed at the time, but ultimately the joke was on him (although
    he doesn't know it).  After I became a belly dancer I toyed with 
    the idea of creating a comic belly dancer act.  I remembered the 
    nickname and thought, "what a great stage name for a comedy act!"  
    I even wondered if it could be translated into Arabic.
    
    I never completely developed the idea of the comic act, but when
    awed friends and students would rave about my hip work I would 
    laugh and say, "Just call me Thunderbuns, The Ass Of Steel."
    
    "Unacceptably Large" had transformed itself into "Unbelievably
    Powerful" in my psyche.  Has that ever happened to any of you?
    
    Marcia

    I read somewhere that fat people are the last minority.  For example,
    if someone in a store is looking for something, the clerk doesn't
    hesitate to say "Over there by the fat lady", but would never dare
    say "Over there by the (offensive ethnic slur)"

When I was a little girl my grandmother took to calling me dumplin'...
I was a rather cuddly child, although not overweight, and she thought
it suited me.  Well I am 31 now and still known by grammy as dumplin'!!!
If it were not for the fact that Gram is the love of my life I would have
asked her to stop it years ago as the rest of the family uses it to tease
me from time to time.  I wonder if I were model thin though, if it would
bother me.. probably not.

My mother's side of the family are very small women with very large thighs,
my father's side of the family are tall slender women...  I fell into the
trap of physically taking after my mother's side of the family where we
are known affectionately as "thunder thighs"....  I am not to terribly
fond of that one either.  In fact I was speaking to my mother's niece
who is soon to have her first baby and one of her concerns was if it were
a girl was it going to have the family "thunder thighs"!

Sometimes I wonder if we don't get entirely too hung up on these things..

sigh.

gailann

    Maybe this should be in the "Mistakes and Misconceptions" note
    elsewhere but I recall my Mom always making a big deal over "rosy
    cheeks and fat legs" as if that were goodness... 
    
    hmmmmm...
    
    Grins

    Re: .6
    
    Excellent point!  I _do_ think, despite those of us who have a real
    problem, (which is not often given the dignity it deserves) that 
    entirely too much emphasis is put on the amount and distribution of 
    bodyfat as a bottom-line (groan) determiner of health/happiness/beauty 
    (especially that last one!).  You wonder, (well, I do) hearing 
    comments like "gee, I hope it's not a girl so she won't inherit the 
    family thunder thighs", what has happened to people's perspective on 
    themselves (and others) as whole people.  There are _tons_ of worse 
    things that could happen to a child than thunder thighs!  Yet how 
    many people will have the wit to see that?  Sad, isn't it?  
    
    One very sobering story I heard from an acquaintance was about a 
    beloved aunt who is dying of cancer and diabetes.  And you know what 
    my acquaintance said?  "She's gotten so wonderfully _thin_."  That's
    obscene!  The woman is dying and all her niece wants to focus on is 
    that she's thin for the first (and last) time in her life?  I can 
    understand that she may be protecting herself from her grief with 
    comments like this, but geez . . .
    
    Marcia

    I was often lovingly called "chubette", or "weeble", I was always
    destroyed by kids -- fatty, rolly, fatso, blimpo, wally
    
    It was explained to me that I had big bones and that's why I carried
    the "extra" weight. That I woul *always* be on the heavy side.  You
    know like "dad's side of the family"
    
    You know what was even worse, the ultimate hurt, were the kids that
    watchedeverything you put in your mouth followed by 
    
           "hey, look at the garbage disposal let's feed it"
    
    Today, they still lovingly use the pet names, they still try to figure
    out why there's extra weight (now it's my age, harder to take off in
    the late thirties, you know), and worse, they still watch everything I
    eat (knowing I'm attempting to diet) fortunately no mention of the
    garbage disposal
    
    
    Sheeeesh
    
      Pauline
    

    Yeah, Pauline, doncha just wish people would MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS? 
    As if my body, my weight, my food, my diet, etc is anybody's business
    but my own!  
    
    I got annoyed the other day because my Mom (who knows I watch what I
    eat because I eat at her house regularly) told my Grandmother I was "on
    a diet" (which I am not)...so my Grandmother sent me some pecans for
    Christmas (family tradition) with a stern note saying "Don't eat these
    too fast because they are high in fat and you'll gain weight!"  Grrr! 
    Well-intentioned, I know, but I think my diet is a personal issue, and
    I either will or will not gain weight.
    
    I especially resent diet tips (especially couched in sentances like
    "All you have to do is..." or "It just takes  a little willpower
    to...") from people who have never struggled with weight + diet.
    
    Somehow I almost preferred the unabashed maliciousness of children to
    the patronizing supposedly well-intentioned watchfulness of
    self-appointed food guardians.
    
    Reminds of a "Sylvia" stip a friend of mine cut out for me.  It has
    Sylvia reading from "Sylvia's Book of Advice, Good": "The overzealous
    Superhero tries to enforce that sensible diet; you know, the one where
    you can eat whatever you want as long as you stop when you're full." 
    It shows said overzealous superhero standing over a woman at a table
    saying "Put down that bread; you aren't really hungry" and the response
    "What are you, some kind of diet pervert?  Go watch somebody else eat."
    
    D!