Conference rocks::weight_control

    >But what I cannot figure out is what I am missing spiritually to have 
    >such a problem.  


I guess I don't look at it as what am I missing spiritually by being 
overweight, but wnat am I gaining (no pun intended!).  What I mean is that 
somewhere down in my psyche, I want to be fat.  Consciously, I hate it.  
But something in there likes it and I wish I could figure it out. 

I sometimes I wonder if I am afraid to be thin again ... but that is so 
weird it scares me.

But there is something that keeps us all from keeping the weight off and I 
really don't believe it is purely a lack of will power....

Food for thought. (It is not fattening !!)

Mary

    reply .1 reminded me of something I've pondered.
    
    When I was losing the 110 lbs., the attention I got was unbelievable
    (I crave attention).  After I'd lost the weight, the attention level
    grew.  After I'd been at goal a few months, no one noticed nor
    commented any more.  Subconsciously I believe that I missed the
    attention so I decided to gain 40 lbs. (bringing about more
    attention).
    
    Make sense?
    Mike

    A doctor told me why I had trouble keeping the weight off, protection.
    Whenever I lost weight, I had no problem getting dates.  The problem
    was that some of them would get serious and propose to me.  Now
    I have been married twice, both failures, and the thought of getting
    married a third time scares the living Hell out of me.  So what
    do I do???  Why gain weight 
    
    Fran

    
    	To me, since I have been overweight for the last 20 years,
    	it is a matter of what I'm comfortable with.  Losing the
    	weight I need to lose means stepping out of my "comfort
    	zone"...  it's scarey to think about being thin when I haven't
    	been for so many years!  
    
    	Something that helps combat this fear for me is Overeater's
    	Anonymous.  They don't have a recommended diet, so I can use
    	my favorite / what works for me, yet the group provides support
    	I need to keep going. 
    
    	Myra
    

    This note is interesting!
    
    What about the spouse aspect?  I got married last summer to a guy
    who is @300 pounds, 6'4".  I'm overweight myself.  Now I'm wondering
    if somehow I subconsciously chose this guy to fall in love with
    because he could never say anything to me about my weight or comment
    on my diet or exercise (like some friend's husbands).  I guess this
    could be a form of protection, too!  I don't like vegetables much
    and he doesn't like pasta, so I have made him a deal - I'll eat
    4 ounces of veggies for every 4 ounces of pasta he'll try! 
 As long as it's not 4 ounces of Breyer's chocolate!

    
    	I guess it's time to quit watching and begin contributing. 
    	
    	8.5 asked "What about the spouse aspect?"  That's what's prompting
    me to write.  I've been watching this file since it's beginning
    for my wife.  
    
    	For the record, I'm 6'2" and 195 lbs.  My wife is currently
    5'4" and 175 lbs. (I'm guessing since she refuses to tell me.) 
    Since we've began dating (17 years ago - been married 15 years),
    her weight has gone from 115 (when we first met) to it's present
    level.  Most of the weight gain came with the birth of our two
    daughters.  And until a year ago, my wife REALLY felt the guilt
    and depression from being unable to lose and finding dieting
    just allowed her to maintain a weight, NOT take any off.  
    
    	What changed her outlook was the discovery of thyroid problems
    and it's effect on her metabolism (extremely slow).
    
    	Now we know she's got a messed-up thyroid, the guilt is gone
    and life for us ALL is better.  
    
    	To get back to the reason I'm writing this, weight problems
    for your spouse CAN affect you, too.  Believe me, I've had to live
    through all the diets mentioned here, plus some other gems which
    cropped up through the years.  All I can say is I try to be as
    supportive as possible and try as hard as I can to let her know
    she is loved and she should not be so hard on herself (which is
    the HARDEST message to get across!).
    
    							-Steve

    Regarding keeping weight on for protection . . .
    
    One of the things I "protected" myself from for many years was any
    and all negative feelings.  To experience them would have been to
    deviate from my own strict code of ethics (absorbed from parents)
    that said I must _never-never-under-any-circumstances_ inflict my
    bad attitudes and feelings on other people.  My parents' reasoning
    was that other people had enough problems without my 'burdening'
    them with mine.  So when bad feeling became overwhelming, I tried
    to soothe them with the most primal form of nourishment--food.
    
    Another "protection" aspect I discovered quite by accident.  At
    times in my life when I was very ill, I lost weight.  I remember
    when I had Martian Death Flu for a month--lost 20 pounds without
    even trying!  Looked great, felt hideous.  The only times in my
    life when I spontaneously lost were times of illness or stress so
    great that even eating didn't soothe.  So something in my
    subconscious now believes that if I become too light, I'll become
    ill, or simply lack sufficient strength to live my daily life.  
    
    This last feeling was borne out when I went on my last, classic, 1500
    calorie-a-day diet; I lost all the weight I wanted to, and didn't have
    the strength to get out of bed in the morning.  I finally decided that
    I couldn't live my life in bed and allowed my appetites free rein
    again.  All my lost energy magically returned, including my sex drive,
    desire to dance, to work--and most of the weight I'd lost.
    
    My body and I now have a sort of "truce" going; I'm not as slim
    as I'd like to be, but not as bulky as I was.  My weight has stabilized
    (been within the same 8 pound range for 10 years) so I feel somewhat
    better about being larger than weight charts believe I should be.
    
    Marcia

    Re: energy levels on a diet:  Exercise will help you maintain
    your energy levels.  I'm doing weight training, serious weight
    training as in Bodybuilding and taking all my sets to and past
    failure, working up a real sweat, and finishing off with 20
    minutes on the exercise bike, 4 times a week.  I've never had
    a higher energy level.  So much enthusiasm for life.  I want
    the days to be longer.  I'm eating 1100 to 1200 calories per
    day.
    
    Before, the days were too long, and I went through bouts of
    depression almost every day.  I *was* eating probably 2500
    calories per day - with both hands.  I'm lucky I didn't
    have two mouths!
    
    Re: protection:  Being fat protects you from a lot.  You can
    excuse yourself from a lot of responsibilities because, after
    all, you're sub-human and abnormal.  That's what I thought
    about myself.  That's hard to admit.  I'm on the verge of
    going back and deleting it but maybe it'll help someone to
    know that there's someone else out here who felt fat and
    ugly and subhuman for most of her life.  I remember being
    in nursery school, in a kiddy-ballet class, and being taunted
    by the other kids for being pudgy.  I remember turning into
    a beautiful princess in my head, and building up a wall of
    fat outside.
    
    But I'm not subhuman, and I'm not ugly, and I'm not going
    to let nursery school taunts run my life anymore.
    
    Something I've told myself time and time again over the past
    six months is "you've only got one place to start, and that's
    right where you're at, lady.  So, get started!  You're
    worth it!"
    
    So, believe me, YOU are worth it too.  And NOONE can possibly
    start any other place than one, and that's right where they're
    at.

    
    --Louise

	I to believe that it is out of protection that I stay about
    20 pounds away from where I would like to be.  I know that when
    I have met people in the past, 85 pounds ago, that these people
    liked me for me.  Now when I was at the weight that I felt comfortable
    at I was never sure if it was me or the idea of being with my body.
    This is something that I have always noticed about myself as well
    as others.  Take a look....A fat woman with 3 or 4 men in a resturant.
    One assumes that they are all just good friends out to have a good
    time..but put a slim woman in the same seat.  Do those ideas change.
    	I am an intelligent person.  I want to be respected for that.
    Not as something to be seen with.  Someone with no thoughts of their
    own.  So by staying just of my mark.  I can be someone.  Not something.
    	Does any of this make any sense to anyone else out there?
  
    	As far as ideal weights go.  I do not believe in these weight
    charts.  I have been down as far as they say I should be and I could
    not get out of own way.  I was weak and had no drive.  I was to
    thin, and it was my bodies way of telling me so.  True energy breeds
    energy, but I couldn't even do the exercises that I had been doing
    right along.  Your body knows what it wants and what it needs. 
    You know what will be comfortable when you get there.
      
     

    Note 8.9 hit me where it hurts.  I was always slim, was used to
    being 'eyed up' and the odd casual relationship.
    
    Weight problems put an end to all of that.  On the other hand, I
    have matured and have a deeply rewarding relationship with my wife.
    
    Does this mean that my lack of dieting success is because of fear
    of losing a precious relationship ? 

    Boy I saw your note a reread 8.9 and surprize it was me that wrote
    it. 
    
    I have found that it takes two to make your weight loss work.  You
    need the support of your wife 100%.  And trust.  I think it was
    the lack of this trust in my last relationship that keeps me for
    getting the rest of it off.  I am afraid of lossing my relationship
    that I am involed with now.  But with out trust what do you have??
    About a month ago I decided that I need that trust.  If it isn't
    possible in this relationship than the relationship is not ment
    to be.  So I'm on my way!   If you really think that this is hte
    reason that you have not.  Talk to her, it sounds, from the one
    statement that you made, that the two of you have what it may take
    If it is strong now having the two of you fit, strong, and happy
    with your own inner selfs will make it the best, and if you live
    to be 110, just think of the possiblities....
    
    Robin
    Sorry about any spelling
    problems

    Re 8.10 and 8.11.
    
    Turns out that I gained weight because I was ill.  Now that I'm
    cured I'm getting on with losing the weight.
    
    Couldn't agree more with Robin's comment that I couldn't do it without
    my wife's help.
    
    Greg.

    I just started reading this conference, and was particularly fascinated
    by this note.  I have always suspected that many of my problems
    (including a weight problem) were related to some spiritual need.
    There are many "new age" theories on this point, but so far, I haven't
    found one that seems right for me.  In reading the responses to
    this note, I noticed that no one has mentioned the word "God". 
    Could letting a "higher power" into our lives really provide some
    help in the constant weght battle?  I know that Overeaters Anonymous
    provides this type of support, but I have found the practical approach
    to food very restrictive in that program.  Anyway, I don't have
    the answer to this question, all I have are more questions.  I guess
    that is where I am right now.
    
    Debbie
    

    One things I've found about OA is that there are many different
    approaches to food -- I think the trick is to find a sponsor who
    manages food in a way that feels comfortable to you (and who has
    some recovery!) and learn from them.
    
    There are people in OA who do eat sugar and flour, contrary to public
    perception, but most of us find that we cannot.  Some have to restrict
    fats, but have no issues with sugar and flour.  Others binge on
    protein, but do fine on a vegetarian diet.  Some people weigh and
    measure -- I'm more  comfortable using certain size dishes, not
    taking seconds, and putting what i feel like I need to eat into
    that dish.  That way there are some boundaries, but I'm not weighing
    and measuring.  For other people, the cup and scale feels like their
    lifeline, even into maintenance.
    
    Many people in OA do watch TV.  I cannot.  (No big loss for me either).
    If I watch the commercial channels, I'm bombarded with food stimuli.
    So when I want to watch, I get friends to record something on their
    VCR and we skip the food ads!  Or we watch public tv.
    
    Anyway, I think that for me the "higher power" is the people in
    the program right now.  Isolation is something I struggle with,
    and for me a miracle is not being isolated!  And isolation is very
    tied to compulsive eating for me.   
    
    Holly

    
    
    I recently got serious about my relationship with God, realized
    I wasn't a Christian, got baptized and made alot of changes in 
    the way I've been living my life.  One of those changes has been
    in my eating.  I weigh 202.5 today, I started at 213.5 on July 29.
    
    I had lost weight once before, but before getting even halfway to
    my goal, I quit and gained back all the weight plus 10 lbs.  
    
    I've been reading a book called "The Diet Alternative" by Diane
    Hampton, she talks about eating, as God intended it to be, by using
    examples from the bible.  She explains about people who struggle
    with gluttony, and compares it with drunkeness... she points out
    that while a congregation would not tolerate someone continuing
    in their drunken habits, they don't always help someone with gluttony,
    even though the bible often lists the two together as sins.  It's
    the most convicting book I have ever read, outside the Bible itself. 
    
    I don't believe this book can help everyone, but for anyone who's
    interested in looking into God's Word and seeing what it says about
    overeating, there are bound to be results.                          
    
    hugs!
    
    dm

    Dm,
    Thank you for recommending this book. It sounds great. I am getting
    ready to start Medifast on Wednesday so this sounds like it will be
    some helpful reading.
    
    I agree with what you are saying in comparing alcoholism and gluttony.
    A sin is a sin. I am just praying for strength and that God will
    deliver me from this hold on my life. I know that He will and will
    strengthen my willpower. I am looking forward to being a better
    living testimony!
    
    We all sin, its just that some of us have our sin follow us around..
    like my "caboose" of a backside. ha!
    
    Take care and God bless and strength you too.
    
    In His Almighty Love,
    
    Rothel
    

    RE: 8.0
    
    A spiritual problem?  First address the sugar addicition.  Sugar
    is in everything, have to watch labels and really come to terms
    with this.
    
    You should see a remarkable change in your appetite once you are
    off sugar.....and believe me, that is a spiritual experience in
    iteself.