[Search for users] [Overall Top Noters] [List of all Conferences] [Download this site]

Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

Title:Welcome to the Non-Custodial Parents Conference
Notice:Please read 1.* before writing anything
Moderator:MIASYS::HETRICK
Created:Sun Feb 25 1990
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:420
Total number of notes:4370

397.0. "friends" by QUOKKA::39702::SPICER () Wed Jun 26 1996 15:40

    I need some advice from the NCP noters.
    
    I have a young son - soon to be 6 and starting first grade in September.
    He visits regularly, and we have ordinary days together and fun days
    out just like any other family. I am not looking for things to do and
    quite often it seems we just don't have enough time as it is.
    
    But he is with me about 30 - 40 percent of his free time and I think
    that he ought to spend at least some of it with kids his own age.
    
    My problem is that I don't live very close to his mom so it isn't easy
    for him to see his school or neighborhood friends when he is with me.
    In any case I don't know their families and, from what I understand,
    the link is really mom to mom.
    
    Where I live there are no children in his age group and none of my
    colleagues have children his age.
    
    I might be neurotic or I might have a valid concern, I don't know
    which. How do other's feel and what do you do about it ?
    
    Martin
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name		DateLines
397.1MKOTS3::RAUHI survived the Cruel SpaWed Jun 26 1996 15:5511
    As they say in the manufaturing of banjos, gutars, and other fun toys.
    'Fret not!' :) There is always McDonalds on a saturday where you will
    met other NCP's. Maybe a lovely CP and her child.:) It worked for me!:)
    Then there is always a list of kids as he starts school, there are
    birthday parties that you gotta get an invite out to. Hell, you gotta
    think in terms of meeting people as you would sometimes date. And then
    there will be someone you and he will feel comfortable with, and you
    can have him visit or have the child visit with you. :)
    
    Try that!:)
397.2TEXAS1::SOBECKYIt's complicated.Fri Jun 28 1996 20:0710
    
    No, you're not neurotic. And it's great that you think of your son's
    feelings. Even though time together is precious, kids many times enjoy
    trips to the zoo, etc., if they have someone their own age along.
    
    Have you thought of inviting one of your son's friends along when you
    go on day trips? That might work out very well for your son.
    
    John
397.3Check the community Calander.QUOKKA::17576::PERRY_WWed Jul 03 1996 07:1427
    
    It is a credit to you that you consider your sons interests.
    
    I have the same problem when my son visits me alternate weekends.
    The time I have with my son is precious and alternate weekends
    is -not- enough time with him.  Total time is four days p/month
    and ocassionally a long holiday weekend.
    However, it is important that he spends some time with kids his own age.
    
    Some suggestions:                        
    
    - Join a local girl/boys club and your children can meet their own age 
      group
    
    - Parents w/o Partners is an organization that has many Parent Children
      functions.
    
    - Check the local community calender for events that involve children.
    
    - I have my son invite a friend along for the weekend as mentioned by 
      Re:2. 
    
    One of the problems is that one of my sons is very shy and doesn't make 
    friends easily so you have to do the best you can.  The important thing
    is to always let them know you love them.
                                                Bill
397.4DONVAN::KILLELEAThu Jul 11 1996 12:4913
    
    I recall worrying about the same things back when I first got divorced
    and my son was the same age.  I know what you mean about perceived normal
    mom-to-mom connections.  I felt the same way at the time.  Quite by
    accident I learned that becoming actively involved in an activity with
    my son was the perfect answer.  In my case that meant coaching his
    soccer team.   He met many kids his age and, as coach, I met all the 
    parents.   My son is now 11 years old and counts among his best friends 
    several that he met through soccer.
    
    dk