Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    
re .0

>My question is this:  Given that my husband has joint legal custody of the 
>children, shouldn't custody default to him when the custodial parent is 
>away?  Does she have a right to say that they should be elsewhere?  If we 
>were to legally pursue this, would the courts stand up for his rights as a 
>father or would it be the typical scenario where what the mother wants
>goes?

    You may be able to get the custody orders modified somewhat since she
    has moved so far away, but Joint Legal Custody is a farce.  It gives
    the NCP certain access to legal papers, the right to get the child
    medical care if needed, school papers, etc, but very very little else.
    Your right to visitation is exactly what is in the court papers,
    anything else is at her whim and fancy.

    fred();

    
    	As a ncp who went through this several times, as had been mentioned
    there isn't much that can be done, even under Joint Custody.  
    
    	You can request of the ex all you want, and this can still fall
    on deaf ears.
    
    	I wish there more I could offer.

    
    I think that you have a pretty good chance of having the children for
    that particular week if you go before the judge and ask. This is my
    opinion only, but what you're asking for doesn't seem to be anything
    really out of bounds.
    
    Just curious...you mentioned that one reason she objects, or thinks
    that the children's best interests would be served by being with the
    grandparents, is because YOU would be watching them? Why is this, if
    you can share this with us?
    
    Also as has been mentioned, joint legal custody has no bearing on this
    situation. But I disagree that JLC is practically useless; I've had
    experience to the contrary, in regards to obtaining emergency medical
    treatment for my daughter.
    
    John

    In response to reply 3:
    
 >>>Just curious...you mentioned that one reason she objects, or thinks
    that the children's best interests would be served by being with
    the grandparents, is because YOU would be watching them? Why is this,
    if you can share this with us?
    
    The ex has never actually spoken to me and refuses to ever speak to
    me, so she really couldn't judge one way or the other on whether or
    not I am a good mother (I do have one son of my own).  The real reason
    is jealousy.  I'm the SECOND wife.  Ex wives are typically jealous and
    resentful of the second wives, and she has an extreme case.  I've 
    actually had quite a good influence on the children because I have 
    a very structured discipline style, whereas she has a basic NO 
    discipline style with the kids.  I think she resents this as well,
    because this is what she has stated in conversations with my husband.
    
    These things are never easy!

    
     I would ask the kids where they want stay for the week.
     
    I had that problem a couples of years. I had the kids at that time and I 
    had fly home (Germany) for 2 weeks.  I asked my ex. because I think he
    have the right befor the grandparents to have the kids. 
                                                           Inge

    Usually, there is a clause in your final decree reguarding summer
    vacations and vacations. There is, in some, a clause specifying school
    vacations. Read it, and see if there is a clause specifying. And if
    there is/isn't/gray-area, pention the court system to clairify. This
    will rock the system big time!:)
    
    

    
    After a divorce my former skipped town with our two children,  
    A situation simillar to yours except she moved to another state.
    Might as well cut my heart out, it was one of the worst experiences of 
    my life. I took her to court to move back but the judge said no.
    I filed for custody and the judge said no. I've been driving a 
    4 to 6hr round trip on alternate weekends for 8+ yrs now to see my
    children.  
    To see your children for that week you have to go to court and get a
    court order to see the children.  What you should do is go to court and
    get a court order for her custodial highness to drive halfway when 
    the children are exchanged.  I was able to do that.  My former now
    drives 1/2 way with the children on weekends they are with me
    It's a cruel game!      good luck!         Bill  

    I was able to get my ex to drive halfway also.... I really drove  2/3's
    and she drove a 1/3. But, just to get her to do that was an act of
    congress.:) My ex was driving from Waldoboro Maine to Kennybunk Port.
    And I was traveling from Nashua to Kennybunk Port. Met at the Burger
    King along the highway. Gave her the child support, for my weekend
    enchange for our daughter... Give a new meaning for those who can
    remember the cold wars and 'Check Point Charlie'.
    
    

    
    RE:8
    
    I also drive 2/3 of the way when we exchange the children. My former
    goes 1/3 of the way after the court order to each drive 1/2 way.
    I didn't complain because I was happy she was at least driving part
    of the way.
    How about proposing a house bill in the State legislature to 
    automatically reverse custody when the CP parent decides to move
    away.  I'm sure that would deter some of the irresponsible moves
    away with children.
                                        Bill. 

    re: all
    
    Sorry guys, but I don't know what kind of lawyers you had to negotiate
    a decree ...
    
    I am a NCP, and Joint Legal Guardian, and have FIRST refussal any time
    my son's mother is to travel on business or go on a vacation without my
    son. It's written in the decree.
    
    

    re: last
    
    Would you mind if I ask how often it has come up and how often you
    actually take the child?
    
    I have an ex who when I was going on a cruise two years ago, I asked if
    he wanted the kids and he laughed and said how could he possibly take
    care of the kids and get them ready for school, worry about their after
    school care and get to work (something I seem to be able to do every
    day.....).  So I said okay and arranged for my mother to stay with
    them.  
    
    Last year I was going on another cruise and I didn't ask him (by the
    way the kids are still available to him for his time so I didn't feel
    the need to share my plans with him)and when he got wind that I was
    leaving he called me, highly insulted that I hadn't checked with him to
    see if he would take them for the week, after all they are his
    children.  So when I brought up the facts from the year before, he said
    that I still should have asked him.  I felt really bad about that and
    apologized and said that I would ask him in the future.  My boyfriend
    says I have nothing to feel guilty about, due to his answers from the
    year before, but I do and I will ask him this year.....I'll let you
    know his answer.
    
    Anyhow, I was just wondering do you actually take the child, especially
    if you live in another town, how do you handle the logistics of school
    and work and child care?
    
    Roberta

    My ex-brother in law drives from Manchester NH to York Maine to get his
    children. Picks them up, does homework, makes sure there is a packed
    lunch, clean cloths. And delivers them back to York Maine for school
    then drives back to Manchester NH to go to work.