Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    
    reply
    
>	I'd like to know more about how this "Guardian et Litem" is suppose to 
>>>	work and anyone's experiences with it. i.e. Have these objective 
>	parties been truly objective AND qualified to make such a 
>	recommendation? 
    
    The Guardian et Litem is supposed to be the lawyer to represent
    the _children's_ interests.  They have very often been found to be
    only a second lawyer for the mother.
    
    >We're not talking about DSS quality here, are we?
    
    'Fraid so.  These are usually lawyers with nothing better to do.\
    
>>>	Would this possible depression be considered and/or evaluated 
>	by a court? (I've looked over the depression check-list and it fits
>	like a glove.)
    
    Probably only if you could prove it is affecting the children.  Even
    if so, if she goes into a therapy and/or on medication to treat the 
    problem, and you're probably still screwed.  It's really hard to 
    make someone who has not been through it understand just how hard the 
    system will bend over to leave the children with the mother.  Judges
    don't like tv cameras and NOW marching up and down the corridores 
    outside their chambers.
    
    fred();

    When seeking out a GAL, go into the court house, look thru others
    divorces. All are on public view. IF you have WESLAW on cd! NOW your
    going to be able to do a search on the GAL, and search out how the
    person leans. Asin, is the GAL a pure sexist? Are they fair? Are they
    the second attorney for the ex? And you now can do things to either
    keep or get rid of the GAL. 
    
    Also when looking for a good GAL, you should try never to discuss
    money, always the children, and make sure the GAL is not fresh out of
    school. You want to know how many years they have been in the field.
    And how many cases. 
    
    The real problem with GAL's, are that todate, the GAL is imune from
    prosucution and lidigation when they do a rotten job. IF you do a
    rotten job at work, either its the tools, the day, or you better be
    looking for a new job, because your held accountable for YOUR job. And
    you can be fired and even suied for bad work. A GAL "CANNOT" be. And
    they ARE the second mouth to the judge. So, sexism is alive and well in
    our court systems. Just ask a GAL to give you custody.:)
    
    

    
    
    	I'm in the final stages of interacting with a GAL here in Mass.
    	I don't know what to expect, but I'll share my experiences with 
    	you.
    
    	I am seeking custody of my 12 year old daughter (I currently have
    	custody of my 16 year old son). I am in the final stages of my
    	divorce; the custody issue is holding it up.
    
    	When I asked for custody of my daughter, my wife's lawyer told the
    	judge that it was merely a 'stalling' technique. The judge said he
    	would appoint a GAL, looked over at me, and said, "And you're going
    	to pay for it". I never had a choice, or a chance to negotiate
    	this.
    
    	The GAL I have is not a lawyer; the judge adamantly stated that he
    	does not use lawyers as GALs. Instead, she has a social-worker and
    	psychology background.
    
    	I had to pay her a retainer fee of $1000 before she began her
    	'custody investigation', as she calls it. She bills at $100/hr
    	against the retainer.
    
    	I received my final bill yesterday, another $2366, which must be
    	paid before she will release the report to the court.
    
    	She said that an average investigation/report takes about 3 months.
    	Mine started in October, and just finished, which is about right.
    
    	As has been mentioned, the GAL is appointed to look out for the
    	interests of the children *only*.
    
    	I'll write more later; these are the basic mechanics.
    
    	John
    

    
    	During the custody investigation, the GAL will interview all
    	parties relevant to the issue. This includes, but is not limited
    	to, both parents, all children, family doctors, counselors that
    	may have been involved along the way, the local police dept.s,
    	and up to 3 references that you choose (your spouse also gets this
    	benefit of references), school teachers, etc. Believe me, you
    	should be prepared to be put under a magnifying glass and to
    	have your past scrutinized closely. 
    
    	All this, with the benefit of the children in mind, which is as
    	it should be. All this at about $100/hour, which you have to pay,
    	at least in my case. Be aware that if your spouse is vindictive,
    	or emotionally unstable, as mine is, you may end up have to respond
    	to a lot of allegations and finger pointing, which certainly does
    	not help your case at all. Plus it is expensive.
    
    
    	More later.
    
    

    
    
    	Another thing that the GAL made clear to me was that the judge was
    	*not* bound by the recommendations in her report. In fact, he is 
    	not even required to read it, though I can't see that happening.
    
    	The GAL can make recommendations that any or all members of the
    	family seek counseling.
    
    	The GAL I worked with seemed objective. However, when she inter-
    	viewed me, the first 2 hour session was held in her office, during
    	which I recounted our 17 year marriage. The next two-hour session
    	was held in my home, where I felt like I mainly was responding to
    	issues that my wife had brought up (she had been interviewed in
    	the interim)...the questions seemed so much more....pointed, I 
    	guess is the word I'm looking for.
    

    Many GALs have a biased adjenda. Even before you pick up the case.

    If you're in MA, I would recommend Margaret (Clapp) Winchester - she is
    an attorney - she does alot of GAL work.  I worked for an Attorney who
    shares a suite with Margaret and several other attorneys - it is not a
    law firm.  She is incredible with children and truely looks out for
    their best interest and isn't swayed by either parent.  
    
    I answered her phones when her sec. wasn't around, I've interacted with
    her, seen the way she works and I have tremendous respect for her.  
    
    FWIW - I got my paralegal degree and was working in the law field.
    
    good luck
    
    Joyce 

    Joyce! Congrads!!!:)

    Thanks George.
    
    joyce

    Knowing what I know about the night life in night school and your what
    background in your notes. You deserve allota credit!!
    
    

    Actually George, it was after I got TFSO'd - so I double and tripled
    classes and managed it in a year going days and nights - part of that
    time I was on unemployment and it was considered "retraining" so I
    didn't have to look for employment (it was a program DET offered). 
    
    
    However, the last semester I had no unemployment and no job - wasn't
    easy on 1 budget, but thank goodness I qualified for scholarships.
    
    I'd intended to go on to Law school, Paralegal being my first step to
    test out the waters.  I graduated with a 4.0 and qualified for the Phi 
    Theta Kappa scholarships.  
    
    Fate intervened and due to a medical problem, I wasn't able to pursue
    Law School.
    
    Excuse us for sidetracking this note.
    
    joyce

    FWIW - its Guardian ad Litem
    
    legalese isn't always obvious ;-)
    
    j

    re .11
    
    Good job!
    fred();

    Sorry for more side track.
    
    Still Joyce, its something to be proud of. Despite the odds, you should
    made it work. I too wish I could go for a law degree. But, Digitals
    recs on your job, and what you can and cannot take for night school. 
    
    Ever see the 'Paper Chase'? Its an oldie about law school and school in
    general. As I trudge off to night school again, I am often reminded of
    this movie.