Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    
    I don't think he can just give up responsibility for the children
    on a whim.  In certain circumstance he can give up personal
    responsibility for purposes of adoption, but I think there has to
    be someone willing to adopt to do that.

    Having a reasonable and logical conversation requires _two_ reasonable
    and logical people.  Sometimes you have to realize that the person
    you are dealing with is just plain nutso.  Maybe not nutso enough
    to be locked up somewhere, but nutso never the less.

    fred();

    How old are the chilren in question here?  What a terrible thing to
    put kids through, no matter what the age!!!
    
    Good luck to you,
    
    Roberta

    
    
    	I don't see any way he can get out of his obligations of child
    	support or take away your rights of visitation, so the divorce
    	will never be 100% till the children are grown, if then.
    	
    	All he can do is choose to never see his children again. I agree
    	with .2, what a horrible thing to do to the children.
    

    
    My ex is trying to pull something like this.  She has not asked to
    see the kids in over two years.  Then she claims that part of the
    reason she doesn't pay child support is that she doesn't get to
    see the kids.  A lot of the other reason is that she just finds
    someone to live off of instead of working, then claims she can't
    pay because she is unemployed.  

    She was in town a few weeks ago to get ready for my daughter's 
    wedding.  Never called, never asked to see them.  Finally _I_
    told them to call her and set up some time to visit before she
    had to leave town again.

    fred();

   I don't really believe my ex is doing this to get out of payments.  The
   reason he blew his top this particular weekend is that he got a letter
   from my lawyer indicating that I was going to apply to the court for a
   Guardian ad Litem to be assigned to my children.  Why am I doing this? 
   There are a great many reasons, but one of them is that he is constantly
   badmouthing the children and telling them anytime they misbehave that he
   is going to just cancel visitation.

   It's not that he wants to give up visitation, nor do they want to stop
   visiting him, but they're tired of him threatening them all the time, and
   telling them what ungrateful ba**ards and sh*tmakers they are.

   I've tried over and over again to get him into counseling with them.  I
   even tried taking my kids to counseling myself and inviting him to join
   us, but he insists that he doesn't have any problems, only they and I do.

   They're aged 13 and 11, by the way.  My son (Mark, 13) has severe
   emotional problems.  My daughter (Julia, 11) has problems, too, but she
   handles them much better and tends to blow her father's rages off (as
   best she can).  These kids love their father, at least, they want to.
   I'm sick and tired of seeing them in so much misery.

   I've been divorced from this man since 1985 and he's still the greatest
   source of pain in my life.  Now it's through my children instead of
   directly.  The mental abuse is profound.

   I wish there was some other way.

   							Terza

    The ex is still la-menting over the divorce and is using the kids as
    the final wepon. Some of it I would take with a grain of salt, much of
    the other is a barking dog vs a non barking dog thierom. And that is so
    long as he is barking, don't worry tooo much. Its when the dog stops
    barking is when you have to worry about life and limb. 
    
    There is always going to be the deep trouth of pain with divorce.
    Something that 70% of those who inicaite it dont understand till its
    done with... 
    
    For me, I have sent out Christmas cards, birthday cards, to Evas
    out-laws. And no responce. Execpt on aunt/sister-out-law who sends the
    card back to me.:( So. In real life, take kids to councle, take
    yourself to councle, and if the ex doesn't go. He will someday die a
    bitter old man who will loose out on the most important thing in his
    life.... watching his kids grow into adults. For, children are neither
    moms nor dads, they are on loan to us from God Almighty for the next 18
    years.... then they belong to themselves.....
    
    

    If you have custody, and this is the way he is behaving, then maybe
    it's just as well that he cancels visitation.  A little reverse 
    psychology may be in order.  This is the chain he's found he can yank
    and unload some of his pain on someone else.  If the kids had the 
    backbone to say "you're right, it's time form us to go home", then
    I think that at last that part of the b.s. would end.

    His reaction to the G.A.L. is probably an indication that you have
    hit a button.

    fred();

    After years of my wife using my son/visits to get revenge for what she
    sees as my sins I asked the judge to appoint a GAL. It helped
    considerably.
    
    The GAL will interview all parties and make a recommendation to the
    judge which is normally accepted. You must remember that the GAL
    legally represents the child(ren), not you or anyone else.
    
    I have never understood how anyone who professes to love their
    child)ren can use them as pawns in any divorce situation. I hope that
    one day he grows up and understands the impact of his actions.
     

    
    I guess using the children as weapons to get back works both ways!
    
    Good advice is for you and children to continue/get counseling. At some 
    point if your former continues this hostility the children will turn away
    and he will lose his children and maybe grandchildren.
    I grew up with something simillar to your situation and it left 
    emotional scars on my sister and I.
                                                      Bill