| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 368.1 | IMNSHO | CSC32::HADDOCK | Saddle Rozinante | Wed Oct 18 1995 17:02 | 39 |
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Women file something like 70% of the divorces. I don't know if
I have the time or disk space to go into all the reasons but I'll
take a crack at a few. Granted, I am going to be making some HUGE
generalizations here. I'm sure that many in this file there are many
why can give personal stories to the contrary. However, it is my
opinion through long hard (and I believe honest) study that the
following is true in the majority of cases.
One of the main problems is the huge double standard for our society.
Men (if they have much smarts at all) will know that they are going to
get the shaft in the divorce. Women will know (if they don't their
lawyer will explain it to them) that they will keep most of the marital
assets, the kids, the car, house, etc, _and_ her lover while forcing
the husband to finance the whole thing through "child support'. What A
Deal! (Although reality often turns out to be much different). It has
been my experience in working with many men (and women) that when push
comes to shove, men will generally try harder to keep the marriage
together. All the woman has to do is come up with a good excuse (for
herself at least) that _she_ isn't the one to blame (and there are
some definitions of "abuse" out there broad enough to float a
supertanker on) (and everyone knows only men can perform abuse ;^/ ).
You will rarely see a man divorce his wife because she is not working
and supporting the family in the manner to which they would like to
become accustomed. Men? Well--(insert toilet flushing sounds here).
One of the major reasons that women file most of the divorces is
welfare. Most states will not pay AFDC to married families. The
sorry deadbeat should have been more committed to supporting his
children if he was going to have sex. If the mother wants to get
food for her kids, then the deadbeat must go.
On the other hand, a good portion of the 70% is because it is a lot
easier for the man to just take off and leave the paperwork to the
woman. Which party was the cause of the actual breakup, though,
is still a matter of debate.
fred();
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| 368.2 | Societal progress has never come without a fight | QUOKKA::32663::WAUGAMAN | | Wed Oct 18 1995 18:17 | 29 |
|
> One of the main problems is the huge double standard for our society.
> Men (if they have much smarts at all) will know that they are going to
> get the shaft in the divorce. Women will know (if they don't their
> lawyer will explain it to them) that they will keep most of the marital
> assets, the kids, the car, house, etc, _and_ her lover while forcing
> the husband to finance the whole thing through "child support'.
Maybe, maybe not. In particular starting with "if they have much
smarts at all..." You have to try to find out, and my guess is that
not enough perfectly willing and capable men do, and only because of
the horror stories (i.e. fear). My guess is that if more men did
try, the numbers and sheer momentum would force change, and that
70% number would start closing in on 50% where it should be. Myself,
"smart" or not; I can't see not fighting back (and so far for me it's
worked). It has to be what you sincerely want and are able to do,
but if it is, any argument against trying can be combatted with a
better one: "it's only time and money". Most divorcees have plenty
of life left to rebuild, to live.
A direct quote from my S2BX was "I didn't think you'd want the kids".
Besides being insulting the notion was also ridiculous from a practical
standpoint, a major miscalculation. And this came after "please vacate
the premises". Another miss. This is where the problem with that
divorce statistic starts: assumptions about where the divorce statistic
ends.
Glenn
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| 368.3 | | MKOTS3::RAUH | I survived the Cruel Spa | Thu Oct 19 1995 08:58 | 15 |
| A friend in Littleton NH, Ron, had his ex take the kids and move into a
one bedroom apartment. He knew first hand what was going down. And I
told him so, I danced on the floor boards in his livingroom telling him
where the dog died. And so, he got an attorney, he got the paperwork in
order. And he got 'Pear Harbor'ed' when his ex came over with a
birthday cake, had sex with him, and rummaged thru the his legal
papers! He held off against all saying otherwise, and got blown out of
the water. He wanted to make up and get back together. She was just out
for a suprise attack.
Yep. 70% of all us men are neanderthal, rasputians... We just go around
dragging knuckles, smashing beer cans against our forheads, and fart as
we watch tee-vee...
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| 368.4 | | CSC32::HADDOCK | Saddle Rozinante | Thu Oct 19 1995 09:52 | 20 |
|
reply .2
Not to be picking on you, but actually you help prove my point. Your
s2bx thought it was going to be a cake walk. Now reality has struck.
However, as you also point out, in the majority if cases it would have
been. That most men don't bother trying, knowing the odds against
them.
You're also right about something else. If more men did stand up for
their rights it would change. The problem is getting men organized
into a political force. It seems that unless it benefits them
personally then men don't want anything to do with the problem.
There's the head-in-the-sand-it-won't-happen-to-me bunch, the
God-I-hope-it-don't-happen-to-me bunch, the if-I'm-nice-enough-
she'll-come-around bunch, and the too-emotionally-and-financially-
broke-to-care bunch. Leaving the ones in the trenches a decided
minority. Welcome aboard.
fred();
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| 368.5 | "I didn't think you'd want the kids" | QUOKKA::17576::PERRY_W | | Mon Nov 06 1995 04:23 | 20 |
| Re:2
Interesting note Glen. I was given the same line by my former as we
were discussing our breakup; "I didn't think you'd want the kids"
The point is she thought she was telling the truth. I think back when
it all happened most women thought men didn't want their children.
Tough to convince the public that there are fathers who want custody
because of all the bad publicity we get.
I did emphatically tell her I wanted to see our childre a minimum of
50% of the time and we agreed. Shortly after that she moved out of
state with the children which negated any 50% arrangements.
I have often wondered why women file divorce papers 70% of the time
if that stat is correct. Maybe men don't file divorce papers for the same
reason they don't file for restraining orders against abusive women.
Is it stupidity or maybe that DougO guilt for -long suffering womenkind?
I did file to stop her move out of state and for custody. The judge
refused both requests. All I got was a court order for her to drive 1/2
the distance when I picked up my children my two weekends p/month
with the children.
Bill
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