Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

363.0. "oh no...religion!" by QUOKKA::7361::ROCHE () Mon Sep 25 1995 13:38

    
    
    I'm wondering what other's have done when there has been a dispute
    between divorced parents about religion.  In the case I'm talking about
    the CP is very active in the religious establishment of her choice and
    includes the two children (5 and 3) in most all her religious
    activities and also has them in heavily involved in religious
    activities for them (Bible school, sunday school, christian
    kidnergarten and daycare).  The CP has been known to state that she
    thinks the NCP has turned his back on God, etc, for many illogically based 
    reasons I won't go into. Nonetheless it is her opinion, not necessarily 
    fact.  
    
    The 5 yr old blurted out very judgmentally the other nite, 'now I know 
    you don't believe in God, Daddy, because you don't say a prayer before 
    dinner.'  He also stated to me (SO of the NCP) that 'you don't believe
    in Jesus!'  Keep in mind, I've never stated my position on this to him
    and don't believe I've ever behaved in any way to lead him to one 
    conclusion or another on this.
                                                          
    
    When the NCP querried the CP about these comments from the 5 yr old 
    - she very defensively stated,  well, he must have come to those 
    conclusions himself and refused to talk about it further.  The NCP
    merely mentioned the statements and asked the CP if she had any ideas
    where he would have come up with the ideas.
    
    The NCP is very supportive of the CP bringing up the kids in
    the religion of her choice.  He has taken them to the church, taken
    them to various church events, has been supportive of their attending
    the school with the religious emphasis, etc.  Is it 'wrong' to expect
    the children to respect other's religious opinions and not make
    judgemental statements?
    
    We had a conversation with the 5 year old saying that it was fine if he
    had questions about what other people believed - but he should ask
    'do you believe in God', in lieu of saying ...'you don't believe in
    God.'  Just because you don't say a prayer out loud doesn't mean you do
    not pray, etc.  Trying to open up his world a bit beyond what he is
    obviously learning about religion from what the CP is supporting.
    
    What more can we do?  
    
    hmmmm....I don't think so. 

    
    
    ps... I just re-read and I don't know where that last line came
    from!
    
    so just ignore that last line from the base note...
    
    

    
    It has always been my opinion that almost any religion (with the
    exception of some of the cults) is better than no religion.  However,
    if the CP is using that religion to turn the child against you, then
    there is something you can do about that.  It's called alienation
    of affection, and you can sue her until she looses _all_ her religion
    over it.  

    Otherwise, all you can really do is what you are already doing. 
    Explain to the child your point of view and that doing things exactly
    like they think it should be done or not does not necessarily mean
    that you do or do not believe in God, and that God isn't as particular
    in _how_ you worship, just that you do worship.

    fred();

    
    If she is deliberately trying to use these classes to interfere with
    your visits, then I'd have a big problem with it.  Otherwise, I would
    try to negotiate some extra time to make up for the time that is lost--
    say take her back a couple hours later, or an extra day per month
    (which is likely the way it will end up if you go into court over
    this).  As far as the transportation goes, you're right.  As far as the
    court is concerned you have no more right than Uncle Joe. You may have
    to eat the transportation to keep the peace.   You may want to imply
    you willingness to cooperate with the classes and transportation in
    trade for the extra  time.  However, if it does go into court, I'd go 
    for both extra visitation _and_ transportation.
    
    fred();