Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    I had to pay for it, and take time off taaa-boot. And it wasnt
    appriciated by the boss person.. When I told my attorney of such, she
    said that there are two choices. Either shut up and do it, or pay me
    $700 to show up in court to defend a $100 issue. It was then and there
    I realized the economics of divorce/war. And it was the turning point
    where I went off to the stacks in the law libary and learned as much as
    I could as I also got involved with a local fathers group.
    
    I have no legal answer this question. I just have one of common sence.
    And I would also look at the final decree. If it is stipulated there,
    fine, read the fine print. If it isn't and you are interested in the
    clairifacation(sp) of this element... spend the money and find out the
    out come. Remember there isnt a court system in the land that follows
    its own law. They term is who is interperting, and the judge acts as a
    ref to the problems.
    
    Mean time, I would figure out, how to get more time off to see the
    kids. The kids are going to know who is bs'ing who later in life. 
    
    Mine always has time and money to go on vacations. She has yet to take
    a week with her daughter. She can cry a good case of working poverty.
    She is a sleeze in this game. I have filed bankruptcy about two years
    ago. I have lost an income building due to the slump in the market. I
    am not a farmer, nor any other business that the goverment will give
    some helping hand too. So, life... I eat the big one on that. 
    
    Mean time, she, the ex, can walk away, write it all off with a quick
    claim, and her credit doesnt suffer on dime. Mean time, I have to hang
    in there, take more on the chin, and smile as the courts pass large
    pieces of granit up my poop shoot. 
    
    I don't mind spending time with my daughter. I want to spend as much
    time as I possibly can. She is young only once. And these times she
    will remember for the rest of her life. 
    
    Peace
    

As a friend of mine says "choose your battles".

If this is a one-time or once-a-year deal, is the cost that big a
deal? Consider that everyone may benefit by her getting a week long break
from the kids. Or maybe the cost can be split....

Another thing you mentioned is that you expect that she will watch
the kids while he goes on his vacation. Maybe there is some missing
information, but it sounds to me like a fairly even give and take...

This might be an opportunity to set up an agreement for the future,
something like, I will help with day care for *one* week of vacation
a year, in return I expect you to watch the kids for 2 weekends a
year while I am on vacation (or whatever).

    re: .0
    
    	Who pays depends if they have made other arrangements than called 
    	out in the decree.  
    
    	I assume ... that Dad is the NCP, therefore, paying "his fees - 
    	all inclusive" based on his weekly child support payments. 
    
    	This is a one shot deal, and unless he has committed to either 
    	split or pay for the abnormallity of this situation, it is up 
    	to the mother to make payment arrangements. Anything over and 
    	above takes a "mutual agreement", it just doesn't fall to Dad's
    	wallet ...
    
    

   Re: .3

   It's not that I disagree with you, it's just that reality often dictates
   the opposite.  I agree with Rauh on this one.  Sometimes you bite the
   bullet and do what's unfair because you have longer term goals and the
   child's interests at heart.

   From one who has made unfair decisions many a time so the kids might
   benefit rather than suffer.

    
    I have a simillar plan with my children as a NCP and I simply just
    make all the arrangements and pay for daycare for the summer months 
    my children were with me. Daycare is a devastating financial burden  
    for both parents but most unfair for the NCP when he/she must pay 
    both child support and daycare at the same time.  
    Kind of wipes out any savings if you have any.
    
                                               Bill
    

    
    
    Thanks for all your replies.
    
    The details of this kind of situation are not outlined in the decree,
    nor have the two parties discussed them at any length beyond what I
    mentioned in the base note.  (I'm the SO to the NCP dad - so a somewhat
    biased bystander here) 
    
    Although it's true that the Mom's upcoming vacation and Dad's probably
    are equal time-wise of when the children would be with the other parent
    - my feeling is that Mom thinks Dad should pay for daycare during her
    vacation AND his.  (not that she has said this - but it wouldn't 
    surprise me)  [sometimes i'm embarrassed to be the same gender]
    So...I think the whole topic should be discussed not only for now but
    for the future as well.  Otherwise a precedent could be put in place 
    by accident so to speak.
    
    
    -mary
    

    
      re:  -(sometimes I'm embarrassed to be the same gender)-
    
    Interesting comment!   
    
    It's a credit to the basenoter that she can show sensitivity to Dads 
    side of this issue.   Now if the media would do the same!
    
    Wishfull thinking I guess!
                                           Bill