Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

343.0. "Looking for support groups/people" by SVCRUS::ERB () Fri Feb 17 1995 10:34

	Mods
	
	This has been originally posted in quark::mennotes. My friend has
	been reading this conference also and sees some very good advice.
	Would you post this as a new note with title 'Lost everything'
	or is it ok if I just create a new note. Let me know this morning
	if at all possible.

    	My friend isn't looking to vent. He's just at the stage where he
    	is looking for some group or person to talk to, offline, especially
    	this weekend, to help him get through this rough time. This is his
    	first attempt to reach out for help. 
    
	Thanks
	Stu Erb



             <<< QUARK::USER_DISK:[NOTES$LIBRARY]MENNOTES.NOTE;1 >>>
                  -< Discussions of topics pertaining to men >-
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Note 141.39                  Divorce: advice for men                    39 of 50
QUARK::MODERATOR                                     39 lines  13-FEB-1995 14:03
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    The following entry has been contributed by a member of our community
    who wishes to remain anonymous.  If you wish to contact the author by
    mail, please send your message to QUARK::MODERATOR, specifying the
    conference name and note number. Your message will be forwarded with
    your name attached  unless you request otherwise.

				Steve






   In the period of from Dec 20 till today I have lost my youngest brother
   to a senseless murder. My wife waited till the week before I was
   scheduled to go out of town on a business trip to have papers served on
   me to be thrown out of the house and appear in court the Thursday before
   I had to leave town for the business trip. My job is one where I cannot
   take any time off without advanced notice; I deal with paying customers
   who expect me in front of them. She did this to me Jan. 23.

   I had to go to court that Thursday morning and her lawyer offered me to
   sign a list of temporary orders. I was very shaken and signed them; I
   hadn't had time or resources to get an attorney beforehand- my wife had
   cleaned out the joint accounts. I've since got an atty and will speak
   with him this afternoon.

   While out of town on Feb.1 my wife tells me about the 'other man'. This
   hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought I knew her and that she would
   never do this to me, but it happened.

   I'm still in the shock stage. The reply in .26 was very good advice for
   me. My main problem so far has been trying to talk with her and elicit
   some positive response. As has been said, that doesn't work.

   I need some support group to talk with. Anybody know of any in the
   Fitchburg, Mass. area? Looking at that ceiling all night long in my
   studio (she has the new house we built last year) is driving me nuts. I'm
   about ready to start hitting the booze again.



	

    
    
    	=====================================================
    
    			and here is an update from him....
    
    	=====================================================
    
    
    
    


	Thanks to all of you for the kind replies and advice.

	She's going to Vail, Co. next week for a ski vacation. Wouldn't
	have found out about it except my daughter told me Tuesday.

	I want to take some of you up on your offers of somebody to talk
	to. I will drive anywhere in New England this weekend,starting this
	evening, I will call anywhere in the world for someone to talk to.
	If you would, please send mail to my friend at SVCRUS::ERB
	He will relay the messages to me.

	I have also been looking at the non custodial parents notesfile and
	there is lots of good advice in there also. I will ask the mods over
	there to cross post this there also.

	Thanks again.