Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    -Visitation is spelt out to the letter of the law! When, holidays, etc.
    
    -That the child will not move more than say 50-100miles from the
    marrital home, if parties are in marrital home. You cannot limit the
    mothers move, that is against her civil rights. You can do the child.
    
    -That any equitable division of marrital property takes place, by,
    bla-bla date.
    
    -If marrital home is involed, that if there is to be a division of the
    home, it defalts to date the child grads from high school, or becomes
    amacipated adult, or finishs college. And that if both parties agree
    that there is a buyout clause prior to the grad of the child.
    
    -that if the child is in need of braces, eye glass's, or etc. that both
    parties contribute equally. Or, if you wish, give her a percentage on
    the dollar she makes, thus as you aproach the Marital Master, it shows
    that your giving in to sweeten the pot. in some way shape or fashion.
    
    -If the parties are giving up real estate, as mine did in her vestment
    of the non-producing income property, that a quick claim deed is
    signed.
    
    I guess thats about it on an over view. .0 wish's to get more detail, I
    would recomend an attorney. 

    Also you might want to consider something about college - who pays
    what, etc. If the mother is still receiving child support while the
    child is in college you might want to consider mandating if you want
    that money to go towards college. 
    	Cindy

      Consider figuring the cost of participation in activities i.e.,
    youth sports, girl scouts, etc. I know from experience that certain
    youth activities are very expensive and quite a financial burden
    if only one parent is contributing. 
    
    Jeff

	  The following is a reply from the anonymous basenoter.  (Format-
     ting is mine.)

				     Brian, co-mod

     ----------------------------------------------------------------------

	  The lawyer is telling us that some of the following things we
     want written into the divorce decree can't be written in and/or
     "that's not important" or "they just don't write that kind of thing
     in" -- Anybody have any of these things spelled out in a divorce
     decree?  The state in question is Massachusetts and these things don't
     seem unreasonable but I'm not sure whether to believe the lawyer or
     not.

       -  Transportation for visitation with the child to be split 50/50
	  between the custodial and the non-custodial parent.  The way it's
	  written now, the non-custodial parent "may take the child . . ."
	  implies that the custodial parent does not have to contribute to
	  the transportation.

       -  Outlining specific percentages for contributing to the child's
	  education.  Right now it's written that each parent must
	  contribute based on their ability.  In this case, the
	  non-custodial parent will have the ability and the custodial
	  won't. The fear is that the custodial parent can force the
	  non-custodial parent to assume all (or most) of the burden of
	  college education rather than splitting it 1/3 each between the
	  child and the parents (the custodial parent will continue to get
	  child support during this time so there's some incentive here).
	  (Note that we don't wish the child to be denied an education,
	  only that it doesn't become a free lunch for everyone else)

	  Well, I perhaps can mention that _both_ of these subjects are
     explicitly addressed in my divorce decree....

				     Brian

    The first (transportation) was spelled out in my (Colorado) decree.
    I had her held in contempt once because she had agreed to pay for 
    half of the plane tickets (as she was supposed to).  I purchased the
    tickets, then she stiffed me.  I had her leld in contempt and ordered
    to pay her share.  I still haven't gotten the money, though.
    
    Also the education contribution, as far as I can tell.  Is generally
    lumped in as part of the "child support" and is based on the "formulas"
    set forth in each state.
    
    fred();

   And I wonder who the lawyer's working for, anyway?  If it's important to
   you, then it's important.  And who is this "they" who doesn't write these
   things in anyway?  Neither of these are logical arguments.  I hope this
   lawyer does better in court.

   Both of these items (transportation and education) are addressed in my
   divorce decree, although, in hindsight, not as well as I would like.

   My experience with judges in Colorado has been that as long as the
   agreement is fair to all parties concerned, they accept it.


   							Terza

    I  failed to address the issue of limiting the custodial parents moves 
    with the children out of state and sure enough she skipped town with 
    my two little boys.  To avoid all the pain and anguish that my children
    and I suffered from a malicious move away, MAKE SURE to set distance 
    limits the custodial parent can move to. I reccommend a thirty mile
    limit so NC parent can see the children during the week. It's important
    to help children with homework and daily problems and give hugs etc.  
                                                        BILL

    Bill,
    
    .1 second paragraph.:) Nasty stuff these divorce games....