Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    In some states it is part of the program that you pay for overtime. And
    in other states it is not part of the program. And in New Hampshire it
    flops back and forth. 
    
    Anyhow, sounds like you got the traditional rail road game. And it was
    hot in the ol kitchen. I don't know what to say to you about your
    experience execpt to the opposing councle to tuck his bill in his butt.
    Or with the hurry up game I would do the old drag the feet for they are
    trying to manage you via FOG. Thats Fear Of God. You can apeal anything
    you dont like in the game like this execpt if it is cast in concrete
    that it is so. But the division of personal property and etc is
    negotiable. Always. 
    
    If the opposing camp says to you to cough it up and they fill for
    the big motion. You can apeal it. And lidgate their little tush's.:)

    Sounds like you had one of my old lawyers (had 3).  The bad news is I 
    came up totally empty.  And, the overtime issue got stiffed to me 
    along with everything else - even though I hadn't had ANY overtime for
    6 months prior to the court date.  The ruling was it was "available"
    then, and could be in the future (say what???!!)
    
    And yes, I got the same hurry up, and the lawyers are in bed together.
    And yes, I learned the same lessons - painfully.
    
    My advice:
    
    	Before throwing away any more money on ANY lawyer (because no
    	matter WHO you get, you're still throwing away good money), try
    	to buy some time to do two things:
    
    		>  LEARN as much as you can on your own!  Go the the
    		   library, talk to friends, talk to anyone who sounds
    		   like he/she can offer sound advice; preferably one
    		   who has been burned by the court.
    
    		>  Try to CONNECT with activist/support groups, who can
    		   provide a lot of the above.  Get all the knowledge
    		   and support you can!
    
    These sharks smell a sucker (and I don't mean that offensively).  I
    mean that if you don't learn to play their game, they have no qualms
    about burying you financially.
    
    Finally, trust your instincts.  Even though this is a very difficult
    time for you, from your note, you sound like you have your instincts
    about you; you weren't feeling right:  trust that feeling, and
    respond to it!
    
    Good luck, and welcome to the club.
    
    -Bill 

         I 3rd the motion trust your instincts and don't sign anything
    you're not comfortable with. My wife ,bless her heart, has yet to file.
    We've been in long drawn out negotiations since MARCH!!. I was given a
    sort of ultimatum in rehards to Parochial School Tuition. ie: we'll
    be taking you to court to get an order against you. Well seeing as I
    voluntarily left the house and agreed to pay 36% of my gross as an
    interim child support arrangement another $120-$140 a week will make
    them happy. You can bet your bottom dollar that I'll fight tooth and
    nail against this. Late yesterday my lawyer left a message that they 
    now have a proposition to make. Unless it's a 50/50 slpit on tuition
    they can go pound sand. My lawyer allready assured me that in his
    opinion there isn't a Judge in the state that would force private
    school tuition when public schools are an option. Now I only have to
    determine whether or not my lawyer is in bed with hers!
           I've been given the name of a person in the Worcester area that
    may be helpful to anyone wanting to let the lawyers starve. He helped
    my landlord sit down with his ex and hammer out a decree. He even went
    against his own lawyers wishes. Went through the courst without a
    single hitch...
    
            Bob whose day will soon come

    Ike,

    I hope I don't sound like I'm coming down on you personally with this,
    but, as bad as I hate "special interest groups", this kind of stuff 
    is going to continue unless and until men band together into a
    group with some political clout.  We keep letting them take us
    on one at a time where we don't even know enough to raise our hands
    (figuratively) let alone fight.  Men are usually totally unprepared
    for what happens during divorce.  They are usually in denial that 
    it can/will even happen to them, or they are praying to God it don't.
    Women get all the support and sympathy and men "get what they deserve
    for being such scum for so many years".

    I'll add my agreement to previous notes...Learn for yourself the
    law and where you stand.  Learn how to fight back.  If you can,
    learn to be your own lawyer where you don't have to put up with
    the b.s. run around.  Contact the "father's rights" support groups.
    They can provide a lot of information and emotional support (they
    are usually pretty thin on financial support for the same reason
    you are).  

    Go to the library and read up on "family law".  It is an emotional
    %$#@, and it will make you maddern' $#@! when you find out just how
    badly the system is screwed up, but you will _know_ where you stand
    and what the law and your rights are.  You can't play the game when
    you don't know the rules.

    It can be done.
    fred();