Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    
    BTW, the reason I said he was an army recruiter is because I was
    wondering if that was the excuse for this guy being so strict
    with the kids or does he just like having authority.  
                                                                 

    1. If you see a bruse on the child. Take the child(ren) to an emergency
    intake center. And have a nurse document it, and make a report on it.
    This protectes yourself from being falsely accused and protects the
    children as you will discover in the near future. You may not be able 
    to reverse custody. But by doing things right you just might give them
    a better life besides being in the New Army with DI step dad.:)
    
    2. If you feel that there is emotional abuse, you have rights to get a
    councler involved. Esp with them spending too much time in bedroom for
    disiplin. Gee, If I could have gotten out of eating all my spam that
    way.8) Anyhow. First ask in writing that you wish to take the children
    to councle. Then if you are refused, then ask the courts to allow you
    to do so with a motion. And that is a simple task, in Mass just walk
    into your local district court, and they will help you fill out the
    paperwork for such! Amazing stuff! Esp when you believe that there
    is child abuse there. And you will be suprised how receptive you will
    be recieved! I have had great luck when I walked in with all my paper
    work in line.
    
    

    
    
    One more thing, whatever we do has to be done sneakingly.  I know
    that's not the right way to go about things but for the kids sake
    we have to.  Bringing them to a clinic to have something documented
    wouldn't work.  If the mother catches wind of anything she'll make
    the kids and fathers life miserable.  She has her way of doing that
    and gets away with it.  Not just that, I've never really seen them
    with bruises but they also get hit with the open hand.  The little
    one did tell me that he hits hard and makes him real red (he used his
    red pajamas as a description).  It's sad to hear their stories!!  I'd
    say that most is done with mental abuse.  This is terrible to say but
    the courts go way over board for the female side!!!  Now
    a days alot of fathers are much better off having custody.  WHy can't
    these judges see threw these phony woman and notice that their only
    interested in the money they receive not the childs well being!!!!

    Unfortunately _knowing_ something and being able to _prove_ it can
    be two different things.  The court is not interested in what you
    think.  Only in what you can prove.  

    As George said, If you ever notice any marks on the kids, REPORT
    IT IMMEDIATELY.  For your own protection if nothing else.  Otherwise
    the mother can come back and claim that the kids came back to _her_
    with the marks and _you_ are responsible for them.  

    If the step-dad is making the kids pull their pants down to be spanked,
    this is _sexual_ abuse.  If you can prove it, or if you can document
    physical abuse ( marks on kids) you may have a good chance of getting
    custody.  If you try and fail you may at least put her on notice that
    you are watching.  

    The court may look the other way at the kid getting a swat on the 
    behind, or the kid getting sent to his room, but hitting a kid in
    the face is abuse (again if you can prove it in court).

    Whatever you do, don't let on the the kids that you don't care.
    Let them know that you do care, but there's nothing you can do
    without proof that you can take into court.  When they are old
    enough, they can make the choice to live with their father if they
    aren't too poisoned by then.

    And like I tell everyone else DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT.  Keep
    a journal of everything that happens--who, what, when, where, etc.
    If you can establish a pattern of behavior, personal journals are 
    admissible evidence in most courts.

	Deb

	In the previous two responses there was one of the key recommendations
	and that is to document, document, document, everything.  A child
	drops a glass accidently and cringes in fear, ask why he/she is upset.
	Everything that you perceive, beleive or view as out of the norms
	document it.  You may be spend every waking hour during alternate
	weekends doing this but it does pay off.  

	Have you or your boyfriend ever spoken to the children's guidance
	counselor?  School is a good indication as to how things are going.
	Speak with the Guidance Counselor and explain your concerns.  Most
	guidance counselors are concerned about the children and not the
	concerns of the parents.  You also get a third party unbiased opinion
	as to how they are being treated at home.

	Have you ever met with or received a guardian-Ad-Lidem or a social
	worker assigned to the case.  Have they ever spent time with the
	children after the divorce?  Let me warn you, these people are
	almost to the point of burnout and always come back and tell you 
	they want to help but there are many cases worse then yours.

	Have you ever made the recommendation that you feel the children
	should receive counseling.  The courts (as George stated) are
	more than willing to allow this for the sake of the children.

	If you get pictures of physcial abuse or information from the 
	guidance counselor that there is abuse, then I would contact the
	local military base or recruiting headqurters.  The military 
	investigations often resemble a three stooges movie, but they 	
	do take it serious. However, they often take care of their own
	and would move him to another area.  Which could move the
	children away from their father.

	My recommendation is not to play games while they are with 
	you and get a level of trust with them.  

	I can offer my sympathies, as one who lived under the same
	constraints and problems your boyfriend is facing.