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Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

Title:Welcome to the Non-Custodial Parents Conference
Notice:Please read 1.* before writing anything
Moderator:MIASYS::HETRICK
Created:Sun Feb 25 1990
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:420
Total number of notes:4370

233.0. "This ongoing topic has been moved from note #6" by BTOVT::WORCESTER_J () Thu Sep 17 1992 20:44

    I've decided it would be proper to move my topic here over from 
    Introduction 6.71,72,73,74,75... Boy, what tremendous support...
    
    Went to see Eddie, my brother after work.  He told me he spoke to Val
    whom the district court appointed me as my public defender after my
    application was reviewed and approved by the judge.  Val is going to be
    in court all day Friday, but told Eddie to have me drop off a copy of
    the "Master's Report".   She will review it, plus she has a copy of
    SRS's affidavit of the child abuse charges.  We will meet Monday
    morning in her office.  
    
    Eddie told me he spoke with Dr Maurice Small, President of Fathers'
    United for Equal Justice in NH, on the phone today.  Eddie told him
    what's been taking place.  Maurice told him, SRS is now my enemy.  Not
    only that, but also said that this case is very dangerous for me.
    
    I was horrified when I asked Eddie what the penalty would be if the
    court decide to hand me a guilty verdict.  He said 4 to 10 years, if
    the allegations were true.  
    
    Well, it's NOT!!... He asked if I'm willing to take a lie detector test
    if Val request it, I told him of course.  But, it's not admissable in
    Vermont courts.  
    
    I'm in a situation where I might just have to give the girls up.  Not a
    good feeling at all...
    
    John
    
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
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233.1If it were meCSC32::HADDOCKDon't Tell My Achy-Breaky BackFri Sep 18 1992 09:5644
    John,

    Taking kids from someone who is **alleged** to have done something
    and placing them them in the care of someone who is **proven** to
    have serious mental problems sounds pretty flaky to me.  Doesn't
    sound very safe or healthy for the kids.

    FWIW I'm acting on the basis that I believe that John is innocent.
    Because coming into a notes file with this is pretty risky in and of
    itself. There are a lot of people out there who will take the attitude
    of "guilty until proven innocent", or "lets not take a chance that  he
    may be innocent and just stick it to him anyway".  I don't think
    someone who was guilty of what John is being accused of would seek help
    in this manner.

    Again I am not a lawyer, but if it were me in this situation I'd: 
    1) Make the safety of the children the *first* priority.  Yes, they 
    have really dumped on you, but I think that that is the result of
    manipulation by someone who has serious mental problems and and no
    qualms about doing what she's doing. 

    2) Present the documentation of the ex's mental problems to the  court
    and to SRS.  Request that the children be moved to foster care if
    nothing else immediately if not sooner.  Document as much  as possible
    that these people have gotten the documentation and  your request that
    the children be removed from her care.

    3) Yes SRS is to be your enemy.  If the Judge removes the kids from
    her, then you may have a chance and the Judge may be looking at this
    in an objective if not skeptical manner, and the case of SRS and
    your ex is seriously discredited.  If the Judge refuses to remove the 
    kids, then I'd consider the Judge to be hostile also.  

    4) If they refuse to remove the kids, I'd file suit in _Federal_ court
    for violation of "equal protection under the law" and "reckless
    endangerment of the physical and mental safety of your children"
    against SRS _and_ the Judge personally on the basis that these people
    would remove the children from you on an *allegation* but refuse to
    remove them from her with hard documented proof.  If nothing else the
    hostile judge will have to remove himself from your case on the basis
    that he now has a personal interest in the case.

    fred();
233.2AIMHI::RAUHI survived the Cruel SpaFri Sep 18 1992 11:152
    I would get in writing, that the courts will not take as evidence a 
    lie detector test. And ask the ACLU also why they will not. 
233.3AIMHI::RAUHI survived the Cruel SpaFri Sep 18 1992 11:275
    When you go into your hearings, remember that you can and will request
    a court recorder. This is to protect your civil rights. You will tell
    and demand that your attorney will not speak till either there is
    a court recorder present, and/or until the wheels of justice are
    turning on the tape machine.
233.4Article on False Allegations of AbuseBTOVT::WORCESTER_JFri Sep 18 1992 12:41221
From:	PENUTS::GWILSON      18-SEP-1992 13:00:21.62
To:	BTOVT::WORCESTER_J
CC:	
Subj:	Article on False Allegations of Abuse

John,

  Are you familiar with USENET ?  There is a notes-like discussion
forum that can be accessed using a software tool called VNEWS on
USENET.  Information on VNEWS can be found in UPSAR::NEWS-BACKBONE
and CLO::VNEWS.  The groups you would probably be interested in are
alt.child-support and alt.dads-rights.

Below is an article from that group that I thought would be of
interest to you.  The next mail message is a reply to this article
by Aaron Hoffmeyer, an individual who is currently going through
very much the same thing you are experiencing.

Regards,
Gary


Article: 3878
From: [email protected] (Erik Lode)
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 1992 19:52:20 GMT
Subject: False sexual accusations article
Message-ID: <[email protected]>
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, Fort Collins, CO, USA
Path: pa.dec.com!nntpd2.cxo.dec.com!nntpd.lkg.dec.com!news.crl.dec.com!deccrl!caen!sdd.hp.com!scd.hp.com!hplextra!hpfcso!erik
Newsgroups: alt.child-support
Lines: 189
 
  Here is a news article from a few weeks ago.  Included is an underbar
article on what to do if you are falsely charged.
 
 
	_The_Denver_Post_				August 26, 1992
 
			Allen-type cases crowd dockets
			Child sex-abuse charges balloon
 
By Bill Briggs
Denver Post Staff Writer
 
  On most days in many big-city courtrooms, a stream of Woody Allens
squeezes onto the docket.
 
  The names are hardly headline material.  But like the famous filmmaker,
these men are fighting for the custody of their kids.
 
  And more than ever, they're also wrestling with charges of child sexual
abuse.
 
  In the real world of crimes and misdemeanors, Allen's case is about as
ordinary as a good review for one of his movies.
 
  Child sex-abuse allegations arise in 30 percent of all custody cases,
according to the Family and Law Program in Ann Arbor, Mich.  (Just 10
years ago, that number was about 7 percent.)
 
  A separate study by the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts
found such charges are fabricated about one-third of the time.
 
  Why are American courtrooms suddenly awash in sexually tinged custody
wars?  The answer may lie in this simple fact:  The allegation works.
It's a highly effective legal maneuver.
 
  "I do think there are instances where people use it as an advantage
because given those kinds of accusations, the judge is apt to rule on the
side of caution," said Denver attorney Laura Shapiro.
 
  Molestation charges seem to be surfacing now "in every other case.  It's
very common," added Shapiro, incoming president of the Metro Denver
Interdisciplinary Committee on Child Custody.
 
  It's been called "the ultimate weapon" or "the neutron bomb" of custody
skirmishes.
 
  Still, some experts believe there are very real societal factors fueling
the trend.
 
  Years ago, for example, families generally stayed together.
 
  Abuse victims had to grow into adulthood before learning that what had
happened to them was wrong.
 
			       More reports filed
 
  And back then, what passed for parental discipline has since been
outlawed.  In other words, child abuse is being reported at a much higher
rate.
 
  At the same time, savvy lawyers know that accusing a client's spouse of
sexual misconduct often can ensure quick victory or a positive settlement.
 
  They also know the judicial system is heavily slanted toward the
accuser, maintains Dean Tong, author of "Don't Blame ME, Daddy:  False
Accusations of Child Sexual Abuse."
 
  Tong asserts that police investigators too often are hunting for a
conviction rather than the truth.  And once a parent or cop convinces a
social worker that abuse has occurred, the social worker sets off to "save
the child" rather than conduct an objective probe.
 
			     Judges accept findings
 
  Finally, Tong contends, judges tend to rubber-stamp the abuse findings
of police officers, social workers and doctors -- the so-called experts
who often don't have the knowledge to be able to make that sensitive call.
 
  "Very few people have that kind of training or expertise," Shapiro said.
"That's the problem with the system."
 
  Many times, there is physical evidence or compelling testimony to back
up sex-abuse claims.  In other cases, it's obvious to experts on both
sides that a spouse has dreamed up the nasty charge.
 
  But most often, these allegations slip into a gray area, Shapiro said, a
place where it comes down to her word against his.
 
  "The gray-area cases are hard because you want to balance protecting the
child with protecting the parent's rights to see that child," she said.
 
				 The gray area
 
  "Often, with cases that fall into the gray area, the (accused) is not a
pedophile," Shapiro said.
 
  "You need to look at figuring out what happened and get moving forward
because kids need both parents."
 
  The Allen affair appears to be one of those murky examples.
 
  The 56-year-old filmmaker, whose works include "Annie Hall" and
"Sleeper," is being investigated by Connecticut state police for allegedly
molesting his 7-year-old daughter Dylan in the attic of ex-lover Mia
Farrow's home Aug 4.
 
				 Denies Charge
 
  Allen, who firmly denies the charge, is seeking custody of Dylan and two
other children -- his and Farrow's biological son, Satchel, 4, and another
adopted child, Moses, 14.
 
  "This is a classic case," said George Bentley, president of Beyond
Dispute Inc., a Denver mediation service.
 
  "Whatever is going on between Mia Farrow and Woody Allen probably
doesn't have much to do with the obviously inflammatory allegations.
 
  "You have to question how much of that is being used to further a
selfish interest," Bentley said.  "Many people are saying, 'He's probably
guilty, that slimeball."  Yeah, it worked (for Farrow).  It doesn't matter
whether it's true or not."
 
  Hurling sensational allegations at the other side is a common legal
tactic that goes beyond custody scrapes, Bentley said.
 
  For example, if there's any way to accuse someone with violating
racketeering statutes -- whether or not the charge is warranted--that can be
threatening enough to force a big-bucks settlement, he said.
 
  "There's a heavy emotional impact with calling someone a racketeer--a
gangster," Bentley said.
 
   "It turns up the temperature, really cranks up the stakes," sometimes
allowing a lawyer to squeeze more money out of a defendant.
 
********************************************************************************
 
	       Parents have ways to combat false charges of abuse
 
By Scott Owens
Gannett News Service
 
  Dean Tong, author of "Don't Blame ME, Daddy:  False Accusations of Child
Sexual Abuse," offers the following advice to parents who face untrue
charges of molesting their children.
 
    *	Hire a competent and qualified lawyer immediately.  Make sure the
	lawyer is familiar with cases involving sexual allegations in
	custody and divorce cases.
 
    *	Do not accept a public defender.  Few are qualified or experienced
	in this area.
 
    *	Immediately retain a civil rights attorney to sue for damages
	against false accusations.  State agencies, as well as the
	accuser, might be liable for damages you suffer from false
	charges.
 
    *	Do everything possible to halt any further interviewing or
	treatment of the children.  Such actions can train impressionable
	young children to give the desired answers.
 
    *	Keep detailed records of everything.  Document the children's
	visits or reasons given when visits were canceled.
 
    *	Maintain contact with the child.  This makes it more difficult for
	the child to believe what others are saying when it contradicts
	the child's own experience.
 
    *	Make sure the child is not being coached.
 
    *	Take a lie detector test, paid for in cash.  Invite social
	services workers to attend.
 
    *	Check to see if the accuser levied charges against anyone else.
	It could call the accuser's credibility into question.
 
    *	Question the use of anatomical dolls.  Hire an expert to help you
	rebut the validity of the dolls and any interviews using them.
 
    *	Become an activist in family rights and for the rights of the
	falsely accused.
 
    *	Allow yourself to grieve for the loss of time with your children,
	for you loneliness, and for you child's current circumstances.
 
    *	Be careful what you say--it will be used against you.
 
233.5reply to False Allegations of AbuseBTOVT::WORCESTER_JFri Sep 18 1992 12:42170
                                              18 Sept 1992 
Article: 3922
Xref: pa.dec.com soc.men:57566 alt.dads-rights:2474 alt.child-support:3922 soc.women:67123 misc.kids:58871
Newsgroups: soc.men,alt.dads-rights,alt.child-support,soc.women,misc.kids
Path: pa.dec.com!nntpd2.cxo.dec.com!nntpd.lkg.dec.com!news.crl.dec.com!deccrl!caen!sdd.hp.com!uakari.primate.wisc.edu!ames!pacbell.com!att-out!cbnewsl!cbnewsk!noraa
From: [email protected] (aaron.l.hoffmeyer)
Subject: Re: False sexual accusations articles
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories
Date: Fri, 18 Sep 1992 06:15:33 GMT
Message-ID: <[email protected]>
Lines: 158
 
In article <[email protected]> [email protected] (Peter Barbee) writes:
>>	_The_Denver_Post_				August 26, 1992
>>
>>By Bill Briggs
>>Denver Post Staff Writer
>>
>>  Child sex-abuse allegations arise in 30 percent of all custody cases,
>>according to the Family and Law Program in Ann Arbor, Mich.  (Just 10
>>years ago, that number was about 7 percent.)
>>
>>  A separate study by the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts
>>found such charges are fabricated about one-third of the time.
>
>Does this mean that 20% of all custody cases involve actual child abuse?
>That number seems extraordinarily high.
>
>Peter B
 
No.  Obviously the author of the original article was not a math major
- nor very concerned about accuracy.  To quote a Family and Law program
in Ann Arbor, Michigan, which probably based their numbers on recent
cases, then quote a study by the Association of Family and Conciliation
Courts, which was probably done several years ago - before false
allegations of sexual abuse against the father became the rage in
divorce custody and visitation disputes, and by not stating the context
of that number (and I've never come across such a high substantiation
rate for any kind of abuse reported anywhere), is comparing apples to
oranges.  And the 1/3rd figure is probably one of many statistics in
the AFCC study and it is not in context.
 
I would not doubt that the key was "fabricated."  Meaning that in one
out of three of these cases, it was understood that the parent had
planned the allegations, had literally thought to themselves, "I'm
going to destroy this person.  I am going to use the children to make
these allegations against this person.  There is no way this person
will be able to convince anyone that he did not do what I say he did.
The courts will assume that the children are telling the truth.  The
courts will presume that person guilty.  He will be destroyed.  I will
get what I want.  My children will not suffer greatly, but the goal
will be accomplished.  I will get sole custody.  He will have to pay
me.  And he will have to kiss my ass at all times in the future if he
ever wants to see his children again."  I wouldn't doubt that in
another 1/3 of the cases of such allegations, the women make the
allegations out of paranoia, out of hysteria, out of a reflection of
the media hype about all these fathers who, while going through
divorces, all of a sudden, start molesting their children - due to the
lack of communication between her and her ex-spouse, which is enforced
and encouraged by the courts.  My ex is trying to claim that she is one
of those.  I feel very strongly she is one of the former.
 
According to Wakefield and Underwager (1991), 80% of the allegations of
child sexual abuse made during divorce custody and visitation disputes
are blatantly false - there is no physical evidence, usually the strongest
evidence is the testimony of a 3- or 4-year-old child saying something
that seems very unnatural, that seems coached.  
 
Many of the investigators of child sexual abuse allegations made during
divorce custody and visitation disputes are women, and to me, it is
enlightening that so many of them are concurring that mothers are
fabricating these allegations and coaching the children to say they
were molested in so many cases.  
 
Anyway, back to the stats.  There have been numerous studies done on
the phenomenon of false allegations.  Where they came from - who
knows?  10 years ago they were very rare and only occurred in
(according to this source) 7% of the disputed custody cases, which are
less than 1/4th of the total number of divorce cases.  Yet, so far in
the last two months, I have seen, both the above article, and an
article in USA Today, that 30% and 25% of all custody dispute cases now
involve allegations of sexual misconduct by the father of the children.
 
Yet, Drs. Hollida Wakefield and Ralph Underwager, Karol Ross and Dr.
Gordon Blush, Dr. Timothy Campbell, and many other professionals who
have investigated at least 2500 cases each, have determined that the
vast majority of these allegations are false, manufactured and
malicious.  Also, extensive psychological tests of the women making
these allegations reveal that 75% of them are borderline psychotic
personalities - meaning they have major problems, but can still get by
in society.
 
Yet, the courts choose, in the best interests of the children, to
assume that these women are telling the truth, because merely
fabricating such an allegation and stigmatizing a child for life for
something that never happened, subjecting a child to intense
examinations with proctoscopes and other scopes (the names of which I
can't recall) that take pictures, "play" interviews with life-sized
dolls with anatomically over-sized genitalia, forcing a child to live
with a lie that puts that child in high risk categories for drug-use,
delinquency, academic failure, psychological problems, and suicide -
all that is better than presuming that an accused person is innocent -
as the Constitution guarantees.  You see, all men are rapists, and
that's all they are, so when one gets discovered, well, that's just
fine and dandy.  It should be up to him to prove that he did NOT do it
and damn the Constitution.  The founding fathers didn't have children.
They couldn't understand these things.  This kind of empathy is solely
the realm of ovarian nurturers.  These women feel they "deserve" sole
custody of children, no matter what underhanded tricks they have to
pull to get it.  And our laws, which are applied fairly in all other
cases, simply do not apply when the alleged victims are children.  We
have to have a new set of laws for those cases.
 
So, women apparently are using this "revelation of truth" in 25-30% of
custody dispute cases in the US today.  Yet, even Children's Services
statistics  assert that over 60% of such allegations - even when not
part of a divorce - are false.  Couple that with statistics that I have
from Pennsylvania for last year.  Apparently there were about 21,000
child abuse cases reported in the entire state - approximately 33% were
substantiated.  Yet 8000 children were removed from their homes - many
to be returned when it was determined that no abuse took place.  Of all
these substantiated abuse cases, less than 50% were sexual molestation
allegations.  Many of the substantiated abusers were women.  Women
disproportionately sell their children for sex.  The majority of people
convicted of child abuse, in general, are women.  Of the total number
of children residing in Pennsylvania, less than .13% were substantiated
as being physically abused or sexually abused in a given year.  The
"child abuse" craze is more hype than fact.  And the "hype" inspires
the courts to take allegations that are completely without merit,
contrived and malicious - seriously - "in the best interests of the
children."
 
The jury is still out on this issue - but hopefully a reasonable
verdict will be returned soon.  The judicial system has to start
recognizing the truth about what is happening here - fathers who battle
for custody, who are very close to their children and want to maintain
that relationship with their children, are being lumped together with a
bunch of sick perverts who abuse their children.  It is the fathers
that are closest to their chidlren, that care the most about them, that
are being victimized by these false allegations.  Why?  Because making
these allegations works.  If it didn't, it wouldn't be happening.
 
I do recognize that the system is starting to take notice of what is
going on and is trying with some degree of earnest to make amends -
figure out better ways to get to the truth.  When this tactic starts
back-firing on those who use it and back-firing in a big way, then the
false allegations will decrease.  As it is, the false allegations are
in no way a reflection of real abuse that does take place out there.
 
I can believe that when a divorce starts with such allegations, it is
more likely to indicate that real abuse did take place.  However, when
allegations come up months into a divorce, with no physical evidence,
and after it looks like the father is going to succeed in obtaining a
reasonable settlement - well, give me a fucking break.
 
Aaron L. Hoffmeyer
[email protected] 
 
P.S.  If you are really interested in obtaining as much information about
false allegations of child sexual as is possible, I recommend contacting
Reid Kimbrough in Preston, Connecticut - a litigation consultant on
false allegations of child sexual abuse.  He has one of the most
comprehensive databases of studies, reports, documents, books etc.
available in the world.
 
	Reid Kimbrough
	3 Parker Street
	Preston, CT 06365
	(203) 887-4424
	FAX: (203) 887-0060