Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    I think that I would keep the SO out till your certain that there is 
    a promise of moral marriage in a near future date. For if your SO
    decides to take off, or moves in and out like the New England weather.
    It makes for an unstable home enviorment. I am meeting other women on 
    a alt weekend affair. No one will meet my daughter till there is some 
    stability in the relationship with that woman. Turnstyle SO's are not
    good for children.

    cont. And certainly no one will ever move in unless there is a date for
    marriage set.

reply.2

I agree with your feelings on this. I feel that marriage is also a prerequesit
to sharing the same bed while the children are present. However my soon to be ex
does not share these same feelings so I am trying to convince her and I need
some help in doing this. It would be very confusing to our children if we both
don't agree not to cohabitate while our children are with either parent. I really
don't want to take this issue to court.

 Thanks
   Neil....

    Neil,
    
    I was divorced when my son was 9 months old.  Obviously I have had
    relationships since then, some of them live in.  This hurt my son
    deeply as he would be attached to the man, then the man would leave and
    my son had to grieve the loss.  I agree with George.  Don't live
    together unless there is a good, stable relationsip there with the
    possibilty of marriage.  It hurts the kids too much.
    
    Karen

    If your ex is living with someone, there isn't one #@$% thing you
    can do about it--legal or otherwise.  Unless you can prove that
    the "relationships" are indeed harming the chidren emotionally
    or physically...ie does the S.O. have a record of child abuse,
    or child molestation?  Are the kids demonstrating some changed
    behavior that an "expert witness" will testify in court is a
    direct cause of the situation?
    
    Otherwise, I agree with George and Karen.  It's not good for
    the kids.  I still think that there is *something* to be said
    for morality.  Your behavior can also leave the children with
    a very bad view of marriage and relationships.
    
    fred();

All of my lawyers told me flat out now to live with anyone while court was
going on.  This was also told to my SO.

-darryl

    My lawyer told me flat out not to live with anyone as long as I had
    custody or I could Kiss my custody goodby.

Neil,

I agree with the others and for much the same reasons. I might add that a child
whose parents have divorced is more likely to get married and divorce them
selves. Seeing a pattern of live in lovers come and go does not send a good
message to the child. This leaves a long and lasting image which they carry with
them for years.

Children get attached easily to your live in lovers, when they leave, it bring
back the memories when mommy and daddy split up.

Wait till you have a sure thing.

John

    One neet or pain in the back side clause in my divorce stipulation that
    was agreed upon by both sides, (I drafted it) in lew of my ex and her
    beau with the past problems is that neither party will expose our
    daughter to sex offenders and/or fellons. I think that this should be
    thought of as your talking to that SO to be. Find out who the hell
    they are. Nothing like bring in the plague from the outside. Or
    inviting in the fox to the hen house. That scares the hell out of me
    the most for you never know who your talking to and what comes of that
    relationship. And what baggage that they are carring around.

    ....cont. Its not like anyone is really going to have a SO who is of
    such past. Or that I would intentionally bring home someone who is got
    some sort of problems like that. But you don't know, you cannot say if
    you find out to or not to believe them. Me? The mear mention of
    anything would automaticlly have them tossed into the streets. 

    
    
    Hi,
    
    I recently split with a NCP who I was living with.  It did hurt
    the child involved, but there was alot gained from it as well.
    We had discussed marriage before we moved in togehter, but he
    decided he wanted out and found someone new while we were still
    living together. The bad part is that he dragged his daughter
    through this new relationship.  Consequently she was quite
    confused with what was going on.
    
    When I finally moved out she and I had a good conversation.
    She is 5.5 and understands far more than we give her credit
    for.  I feel she benifitted greatly from having me in her
    life, and I know I gained alot from her being in my life.
    I miss her terribly at times and wish there were some way
    I could still be in contact.
    
    I wouldnt recommend having the SO move in UNTIL the wedding
    has occurred!!
    
    Michele

 Thanks for all your replies to this note! I agree with all of you and
 plan not to have any live in SO's in my home while our children are
 with me. I read a few books which also suggest keeping your lovers 
 out of your home while your children are staying with you untill there
 is a marrital commitment. But any more info on this topic would still be
 greatly appreciated. I still have not convinced my wife though and I'm
 really concearned about our children's welfare. 

 Thanks Again! & Please keep more Info. coming.

  Neil.....