Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

171.0. "lament" by ESMAIL::BEAN (Attila the Hun was a LIBERAL!) Tue Nov 05 1991 07:14

    I am losing my children because of the vindictiveness of my ex-wife.  I
    wrote this poem as a lament for that loss.
    
    
        There was a time, so long ago,
        	When you were pleased with me.
        You laughed, you played, you sang a song,
        	And your life seemed full and free.

        But, now, it seems, the times are few
        	That laughter fills the air.
        And oft I think of you and fear
        	Your loss, and feel dispair.

        Three years ago, this month, I left.
        	In May of '88.
        I could not stay.  I would not live
        	In anger, full of hate.

        The worse has come, it will not go!
        	My fears are realized!
        I failed to prove, to show you both
        	The reasons I despized

        To stay there, in that house so full
        	Of anger shown to me,
        By the woman whom I'd married, and
        	Who cared not the least for me.

        It wasn't you, you're not to blame!
        	Though you may think it so.
        For you I stayed as long I did!
        	For you, I couldn't go.

        But, as you grew, and older got,
        	I knew the time had come,
        To leave and try to gain a life
        	So long deprived, now gone.

        The pressure grew, the air was thick,
        	I could not let it pass.
        I'd reached for help to save the wreck
        	But once again I missed.

        Once, long ago, we fell apart,
        	Divorced, and then again
        We married, twice, to try once more
        	But doomed it was, from then.

        For years we fought and led a life
        	That others would disdain.
        I lingered on, with hope she'd change,
        	Not so, it soon was plain.

        And so I left.  It hurt us all.
        	Our hearts were full of pain.
        And struggled I, to make you see
        	That through it all, we'd gain.

        For years of fights, and hurt and hate
        	Was worse by far, it seems,
        Than living, all, among that clime
        	And hiding all those things

        That made our lives unhappy then,
        	Because we could no live
        With peace of heart and happiness
        	Your mother could not give.

        It's not all her.  It's not all me.
        	We share the guilt for this.
        It's not you kids, I hope you see,
        	It's ours!  We made this mess!

        But one of us is wont, it seems,
        	To blame the other for
        The mis'ry and unhappiness
        	That falls around the floor.

        And though, it seems, there is no end,
        	The anger and the pall
        Will pass, and from it come
        	The end.  And peace, and love, for all.

        But, now the hurt is terrible.
        	And anger flies anew.
        And things are said and things are done
        	That fill with sadness through.

        And now there is no joy of heart
        	That comes from you to me.
        Time lingers on eternally
        	These years are only three?

        When will it end?  Where will it stop?
        	Will peace there ever be?
        Will time forever keep apart
        	The love I have for thee?

        My children have forsaken me
        	"Two sides" there have to be!
        "It's his, or mine! The choice is yours!"
        	She says, "what will it be?"

        So, caught between, until the day
        	You leave, you cannot choose!
        You must protect, you must preserve
        	The peace!  You dare not lose!

        The choice is yours, you say to me.
        	It hurts to hear those words.
        But, deep inside I know you did
        	Not choose.  The choice was hers!

        The words are harsh.  They hurt the ear!
        	Yet I know they're not your own.
        You mime, unknowingly it seems,
        	Her words.  Her thoughts.  Her tome.

        She hates, you hate.  She cries, you cry.
        	It can be no other way.
        I know this all, and yet there's pain.
        	I long for that one day

        When we can laugh and cry again,
        	And share the joy of love.
        And talk and play and live and know
        	That peace, from Him above.
        	
        And put behind us for all time
        	The tears that sadness brings.
        And pleasure in our happiness
        	And hear the voice that sings.


        I love you.

        Daddy

    
    I feel your pain all too well and my heart goes out to you. It is good
    that you were able to write what you feel inside rather than letting it
    rot inside and decay. 
    
    I am now looking at the strong possibility of losing my 15 year old
    daughter. She allegedly does not want to see me , talk to me, or write
    to me. Even though I write to her I don't know even if she is getting
    to read my letters. I too wrote how I felt and sent a copy to her, I
    just hope she had a chance to read it.
    
    Part Of My Memories
    +++++++++++++++++++
    
    Snow filled the night skies of December 24th
    and the miracle of your birth happened that morn.
    Our lives as Husband and wife now were changed
    to Mother and Father.
    
    Life so small with blue eyes watching my every move
    clasping my finger with no intention of letting go.
    Face so pink and hair so soft made my heart swell
    with pride and wonderment that you had arrived.
    
    First words spoken on Father's Day were DA DA
    something that I'll always treasure and remember.
    Many heart felt thoughts of days past now fill my days
    and nights with an emptiness that is so hard to endure.
    
    It was my choice to leave and start a new life
    choices such as these are never easy for any of us.
    Please try to understand even though you are hurting
    so intensely that you have decided to keep me out of your life.
    
    I have no desires nor want to have you out of my life 
    that's something I will never have in my heartor mind.
    Flesh of my flesh, Blood of my blood, you will always be
    in my heart.
    
    Mistakes and broken promises have been made by me to you 
    tis I know and for this I am asking for your forgiveness.
    Please !!! Christine .... Please don't let this continue I 
    beg of you ... For I want to be a Father with you as my Daughter.
    
    I want you to be in my life and not just part of my memories.
    
    
    All My Love 
    
    DAD
    
    

    I know all too well the feeling.  The "trick" is to keep the door
    open.  Keep trying, don't give up, keep showing them that *you* love 
    *them* even if they are not returning the *demonstration* of their love
    right now.  Even though it is a major b##ch right now, I GUARANTEE 
    that somewhere down the road you will reap *major* benefits and the 
    CP will drown in their own bile.
    
    THE ONLY WAY SHE CAN WIN IS IF YOU GIVE UP!!!!!!!
    
    fred( been there.....and back );