Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    If she doesn't show, and you are able to win on a now show. You are
    able to server her with a bench warrent for perhaps an arrest if she
    doesn't comply with the court order that you are pentioning for. As in
    if you win round #1, and open the case, and win on fraud. She doesn't
    show. You are now handed a hunting license. And if she does go,
    "underground", you can now use orgs like the FBI to help you hunt her.
    For parental kidnapping is a felonie, and she is looking for some time
    in the big house, where her next beu may not be of an oppisite sex.

    The issue will turn on whther or not she has subjected herself to
    the jurisdiction of the NH(?) courts.  Since you are essentially
    reopening a divorce in NH where she did submit to jurisdiction then I'd
    say that it is arguable that they still have jurisdiction.
    
    Of course, even if you get the order, you've got to get it enforced and 
    that becomes mroe complicated when she is out of state.  I suspect
    that -- because the child is now a resident of another state -- that it
    should not be assumed that the state where the child now resides will 
    automatically give full faith and credit ( enforce) the NH judgment. 
    They may claim jurisdiction and insist on litigating the issue there.  
    
    So, what I'm saying is this will be complicated and expensive at best.
    But, if you want any chance of success, be sure that you have top notch
    legal representation in every legal forum because the "technicalities"
    -- in law school they call them the Rules of Procedure -- can kill you
    no matter how just your case. 
    
    Best of luck.
    Polly
    

    I have also "sued" my ex wife.  
    
    My rights to visit my children have been totally abbrogated by my ex and
    her hostilities towards me and my wife have alienated my children from
    me.  She has literally turned my
    children against me, and in two and a half years I have been
    unsuccessful in maintaining any reasonable relationship with them.
    
    Since the divorce was in Texas, and the children live with her there, 
    I hired a Texas lawyer to defend my
    rights.  We filed a law suit last month, in which we are
    filing for a motion to modify the divorce decree so that it calls out
    specific dates for visitation, requires my ex to deliver the kids to me
    on those dates,and also asks the court to require her to pay 1/2 the 
    transportation expenses as well as all my legal fees.  My lawyer is absolutely
    positive I will get the visitation dates.  Whether I get the financial
    help and court costs is fluff to me.  It'd be very nice, but that's not
    why I sued.
    
    Peggy, my ex, has now counter sued... and her attorney has filed and I
    have received a list of "requests for production" of certain documents,
    and a list of "interrogatories" that would bowl you over.  She is
    alleging that to visit me in MA would "jeopardize the physical health
    and/or emotional development" of the kids.  She is accusing me of
    mental instability.  She is accusing me of being in arrears in child
    support.  She is making vulgar inuendo about my wife and her children. 
    It's incredible, but all this is actually happening right now!
    
    I am exhausted right now for having spent so many late nights preparing
    my responses.  They are nearly ready, and will prove ALL her
    allegations to be total fabrications.  I am sorry for my children's
    sake, but finally they will see what sort of person their mother has
    become, and how deceiptful she is and how dishonest she has been.  
    
    But, I derive a certain vicarious pleasure out of all this.  
    
    I will win.  My ex should be humiliated (but probably won't be).  
    And someday, hopefully soon, my
    children will be here with me in MA, to see what "the rest of life" can
    be like.
    
    
    I want to express my PROFOUND THANKS and APPRECIATION to the
    participants of this notesfile.  Especially those who have so strongly
    advocated that NCPs DOCUMENT everything!  
    
    I have taken their advice, over these last few months, and now I have
    all the documents I need (I hope!) to prove to the court that my ex
    wife has literally stolen my children from me!
    
    Wish me luck, and good luck/ good will to the rest of you!
    
    (I'll keep in touch)
    
    
    
    tony

   Great news!  The ex informally responded to the petition
last night. It appears that having served two of her friends
with subpoenas has caused her enough shame to cause her to
show up and it doesn't look like she has an attorney!

Thanks for the responses.  While it appears that I'm over that
hurdle for this round, sooner or later, she's going to bump into
someone who knows how to abuse the system with all the moving
around she does - five addresses in two years.

Regards,
Gary

Well, good luck, hope things work out.

I have stumbled upon something interesting about my ex yesterday and this makes
me wonder about what is she up too.

When we separated by in January 1990, since I decided to get out, she had
custody of my son (bad mistake on my part). Being the NCP, we must pay child
support. Then around September, her new SO moves in with her. He's a nice guy
and has been divorced for 3 or 4 years and was a NCP during that time. Next
thing you know, he has custody of his two sons and now gets child support from
his ex wife. Knowing my ex, I couldn't figure out what she wanted two more kids
around for and even helped him get custody of them, until last night.

Picture this, he works and make a good living, based upon all the toys this guys
has and property. My ex works and bring in 36K per year also. Now I pay child
support of about $500.00 and the guys ex pays $600 or so for the two boys, so
that's about $1,100.00 in child support they get. Add in the $1,600.00 a month
she clears and what ever he clears, you get the picture here. Knowing how
materialistic she is and loves to spend money, what a perfectly legal scam!

I always wondered why she wanted custody so bad, when we were married I looked
after my son most of the time. She didn't want any more kids either, since she
thought they were too much trouble. I am starting to hear from her step brother
(no love loss between them by the way) the kids are left alone at times. I have
know about this for some time, but haven't been able to get the proof I need to
nail her on this (she is very clever how she goes about this) and it takes time
to prove the pattern (docu, docu, docu).

It's now **all so clear** why various events have occurred over the last year
and a half. Hmmmmmmm, nawwwww, this is too easy........

Now either I am getting carried away here or maybe my imagination is getting
over active, but I suspect, the money is the main driving force here. Now if you
picture this for your self, what do you see? 

John

    Polly,
    
    	I donno about the technical skills of an attorney. Yes, deep down
    inside there beats a heart, but we ALL question of what. Esp getting
    the corn-holing that many of us have had because we are men. I yet to
    find a good attorney who was worth the blood money we have paid for
    them.
    
    With respect
    
    George

    George, are you aware that Polly is an attorney who has practiced
    family law?
    
    My guess is that like every other profession -- lawyers, clergy,
    doctors, computer programmers, presidents, congressmen, yes, and even
    writers -- there are good ones and there are bad ones.  And, like
    every other profession, it's quite unfair to the good ones to
    blacken their reputation just because you've been burnt by one of
    the bad ones.
    
    Karen

    My opologies to Polly. But my opion, sorry, still crude, stands. I hope
    we can hear more from Polly insofar as these cases go. Perhaps she can
    help me change my rather poor opion. I do want to believe that there
    are good attornies. But so far I can only say naughty things. :) 
    
    
    Peace
    
    George

Sorry to get back on the original subject, but I have some
great news.  I achieved a significant victory in court
for my daughter yesterday.  A full custody investigation
was ordered and a hearing will be held when complete.  In
the interim, visitation will be restored.  The Marital Master
ordered the ex to turn over my child for visitation immediately.
Mistakes I made were few as I had done my homework.  The
other party represented herself as well and unintentionally
admitted the charges.  Apparently, the court was over-
whelmingly convinced of the truth in my petition as the
Master interrupted me when I was about half way through
my testimony and told us that she had made a decision
to order the investigation.  Representing yourself is not
easy.  But while you may lack full knowledge of the rules,
there is nobody that knows the case better than you. So in
a significant way, you do have a great advantage.  Gotta
go.  It's time to start preparing for the next round.

Gary

Gary,

Sounds excellent, it appears the ex got caught with her pants down on this one.
Not a smart move on her part, but good for you. Unlike my ex, you know what's
going on, but because she has been very clever, hard to prove what's the truth.

John

Gary,
 Sounds great, Looks like you took a stand for what you believed in 
and applied about $20,000 worth of legal clout, at least thats
what most lawyers put custody cases at. Could you give some pointers
to some of us would be pro-se litigants, As in resources used, should ofs, 
could ofs, and such.

Mick

    TERRIFIC!!!  These issues are tough enough without the jurisdictional
    issues mucking things up.  Best of luck!
    
    Polly

re .12

>and applied about $20,000 worth of legal clout, at least thats
>what most lawyers put custody cases at. 

That was the low end quoted to me by several attorneys.

>Could you give some pointers
>to some of us would be pro-se litigants, As in 

>resources used, 

   Well, the most important thing that I did to prepare for
my day in court was to network with people who had already
been down that road.  Second on the list was to spend as
much time in court as possible observing cases.  Make note
of the questions that come up over and over again.  You
may be faced with the same questions and should be ready
to answer them. eg. "What have you done to try to resolve
this situation before coming to court?", "What do you suggest
as a possible solution to this problem?" (Thanks Mick)  You
also need to spend some time at a law library learning both
the RSA's and the case law that may apply to your situation.
I made copies and then reviewed each of them as often as possible.
I also purchased a law dictionary so I could look up terms that
seemed to come up over and over again.  Prepare your case as far
in advance as possible and practice presenting it as often as possible.
Your case should be prepared in a "politically correct" manner.  While I
had all my facts down, I did not tie them together very well.
Someone who had some experience helped me take those facts and tie
them together to make the point I was trying to make.  The rules
of the court are too numerous to learn in a short amount of
time, but you need to get a basic idea of what to do and not
to do.  I saw several cases where one party represented him/herself
and the other party had counsel.  When the pro se litigant had
the facts and/or law behind him/her, the counsel went after him/her
on procedure.  Another observation I made was that when both
parties were pro se, it seemed that the courtroom was simply a
forum to continue the arguments the couple was having when the
marriage fell apart.  Keep in mind why you are there and respond
only to those arguments by the other party which are revelant
to the issue at hand.  The attitude that you appear to have in court
is also important.  I had a great deal of support in the courtroom
and they all agreed that I displayed an attitude of genuine concern
for my daughter and the ex appeared to be hostile.  I think it was
also important that I appeared to know my rights, but at the same time
did not appear to be pretending I was an attorney.  


>should ofs

  I should have stopped feeling sorry for myself because of
the situation my daughter and myself were in sooner than I did.
Once I did, things started to happen.

  I had a cooperative witness who became hostile several days
before the hearing when I decided to subpoena her instead of
taking an affidavit from her.  Basically, she went from being
my star witness to suddenly not having any knowledge of the events
that took place.  I was too busy the last few days and was not
prepared to deal with this witness and ended up agreeing to let her
off the hook.  I should have gotten the affidavit from her when she
was cooperative and then brought her in to court anyways.  That way,
she would not have been able to change her story.

I put off making copies of documents until the last minute.  I let
this task slip because it seemed too easy.  It ate up a couple hours
of my time.  I should have taken care of this well in advance.

>could ofs

  I draw a blank here.  I think I took all the necessary steps
and fortunately, the mistakes made along the way were few.

>and such

  I would not necessarily recommend representing yourself.  I did so
out of necessity.  If you do have an attorney, it is still important
to know what your rights are so that your rights won't be compromised.
I would not have been in the situation that forced me back into court
if my attorney had honored my requests and had not misled me about my
rights.  Do you know how to spell malpractice?


  Most importantly, George Rauh was there to support me in my efforts.
At the same time, he was busy playing dad to his little girl, Eva
and doing his own court battle.  There were several times along the
way when I was ready to throw in the towel, but George got me up and
back into the ring.

Regards,
Gary

    Shucks Gary! What can I say! I am blushing big time on this side of the
    keyboard. I guess I better say "THANKS!"!!! And I guess I had better
    say, that your the guy who got up there and kicked butt! :) Most of all
    what I should say is that your sucess is the results of good team work.
    And it is the team that will help you, not pre-ma-donna's. And you have
    learned that in Digital. 

    Gary,
    
    From another who can appreciate the job youv'e done in representing
    yourself.  GOOD JOB!!
    
    fred( been on vacation last two weeks);

  I didn't heed the advice of my local father's rights
suggesting checking you docket weekly since the court
I am in is forty miles from my home.  I hope my error
will be to the benefit of all out there that are
representing themselves.

   I went to Rockingham Superior Court this A.M. to file
a Motion for Reconsideration and Clarification.  While
I was there, I decided to review my docket.  It was,
to say the least, very interesting.  There were four
pleadings filed by the other party that were not copied
to me, in violation of Superior Court Rules.  The most
shocking being the one that asked for a CAPIAS for non
payment of child support as well as wage assignment.
Pretty incredible considering that I am up to date on
my child support obligation.

  The most interesting thing I saw at the courthouse though
was a cartoon that showed a Ben Hur type sitting across
from his attorney.  The caption said something to the effect
that all he needed was his client's signature and the divorce
would be complete.  She would get the home, the chariot, etc...
He would get the lion skin he was wearing.  How dare they
discriminate against us and then make a joke out of the whole
thing!

Regards,
Gary

    Gary,
    
    Excuse my ignorance, but what is a "docket"?  Can anyone go into
    the courthouse and read their docket?  What types of information is
    found there???
    
    Thanks!
    
    Lesa

  I am refering to the file containing all the paperwork from
my case.  I'm not sure if the way I'm using it is correct.  I've
also heard docket used to refer to the roster of upcoming cases.
Some of the things it would contain would be libel for divorce,
financial affidavits, motions, and correspondence to the court.

  In N.H., you can look at your file, make copies of it etc...
All you need to know is the case number.  I can't comment on
other states.

Regards,
Gary

    It's finally over.  The past 18 months or so were spent sitting
in on hearings, going to fathers' rights meetings, taking some law
courses, and networking with others in the same predicament.  It
has all paid off.  We settled by stipulation.  I proposed the
settlement and it was accepted with very few changes.  My child
support order was cut in half.  I no longer have to carry medical
insurance for Jen.  The stipulation is written such that it will be
difficult for the ex to take me back to court.  Mediation will be
mandatory for any future non-emergency issues.  Child support is
very unlikely to ever be raised due to the wording of the decree.
Most importantly though, we have joint legal and physical custody
of Jennifer.  

Some observations from all of this:

1. Even though the Master clearly believed the allegations I made
in the courtroom, the court refused to issue an order that indicated
Jen's mother had done anything wrong.

2. The court allowed the ex to violate my due process rights on four
occasions by allowing her to file motions that were not copied to me
and by allowing her to correspond with the court in a manner that
violated the NH Superior Court Rules.

3. Money buys justice. We went through three guardian ad litems.  The
problem with the first was money.  He filed to withdraw and was allowed
to do so.  The second attempted to withdraw also because we couldn't pay
him $80.00/hr.  I objected.  The court ordered that he be paid from a fund
set up for that purpose and that both parties would reimburse the fund.
He again filed a withdrawal.  Again, I objected claiming that my daughter
had a statutory right to a guardian and that she was being denied her
constitutional right to equal protection based on her parents ability
to pay for that protection.  He apparently did not wish to deal with
a party that would hold him accountable for his actions.  The court
allowed him to withdraw anyways and a new guardian was assigned.

4. The court simply ignores the law.  While the court refused to issue
an order that indicated the wrongdoing of the ex, they did vacate the
custody provision of our final decree.  In New Hampshire, custody may
only be changed after a final hearing if the children are in imminent
danger.  Where this case lacked any such allegations and the court
vacated a final custody order, they tacitly determined there was fraud
on the part of the ex.  In cases of fraud or bad faith conduct, there
have been a sufficient number of cases that place all costs on the
wrongdoer.  In this case, the court refused even when I specifically
asked for such compensation. 

5. It pays to learn the legal system and do it yourself.  I found
myself unwilling to give in on issues where the law was clearly
behind me.  Had I used an attorney, I probably would have been
coerced into compromising on these issues.  The cost is also a factor.
The estimates from several attorneys ranged from $20,000 to $30,000.
Total cost doing it myself was just over $200.


6. I am convinced that the stipulation that we reached is far more
than I ever would have been able to receive using the services of an
attorney.  I believe that if I had used an attorney I would have
only received a modification of child support and visitation.  Doing
it myself gained me custody of my daughter and resolved the balance
of power issue that was going on between myself and my ex-wife.
I have clearly shown her that I have the ability to make her life
miserable on a moments notice if she tries to take advantage of me
and because of that fear we have finally developed a civil relationship.  

Gary

    Congrads Gary. You have been to hell and back. You worked like hell to
    get this done. Where many would have thrown in the towell, you were
    steadfast in you mission. And good or bad or indiffernt; your in a
    better position with you divorce than you were 18 months ago. 
    
    Remember, when the road gets ruff, the weak get screwed. Stay tuff.
    
    Geo

    re.20
    
    Congratulations and a BIG attaboy.  Good luck to you and your
    daughter.
    
    
    
>2. The court allowed the ex to violate my due process rights on four
>occasions by allowing her to file motions that were not copied to me
>and by allowing her to correspond with the court in a manner that
>violated the NH Superior Court Rules.
    
    I know you are probably rather burnt out on legal b.s. right now, 
    but you could probably file a complaint with the Judicial Diciplinary
    Commission ( or whatever it's called in your state ) about this.
    Even if you don't get any complete action, the Commission has to 
    investigate the complaint, and judges just _hate_ even an
    investigation.  Look up the Bar Association in the phone book.
    They should be able to tell you where/who to contact to start
    proceedings.
    
    fred();

       About 2-3 weeks ago, one of the � hour TV pseudo news shows
       in Boston (Evening Magazine? Chronicle?) did a piece on women in
       prison. The interviewer asked the Prison Warden about the
       recidivism rate for women prisoners versus men.  The Warden said
       that the rate at which the women they release, returned to prison
       was much higher than that of men.  When asked why, she said

           "by the time we see them, they have gotten away
            with so much for so long, that they are already
            hardened criminals."

       Considering what has happened here, it sounds like the justice
       system has a hand in creating its' own problem.


       Richard

    re.22
    
    
>    I know you are probably rather burnt out on legal b.s. right now, 
>    but you could probably file a complaint with the Judicial Diciplinary
>    Commission ( or whatever it's called in your state ) about this.
>    Even if you don't get any complete action, the Commission has to 
>    investigate the complaint, and judges just _hate_ even an
>    investigation.  Look up the Bar Association in the phone book.
>    They should be able to tell you where/who to contact to start
>    proceedings.
    
   You're right.  I am burnt out on the legal b.s. and I'm taking
a break but if and when I am ready, I think it would be worthwhile
to file a complaint not only against the judge but also against
the second guardian ad litem that was assigned to my daughter.

Gary