Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    Why don't you ever expect to see a cent?  'cause she's a woman?
    or you don't want to fight it.  If you don't, don't expect someone
    else too.
    
    I have a feeling that more men wish to not fight their NCP ex-wives
    because of the mere fact, that they are males.  If stereotypes of
    "dead beat dads" and that Mom NCPs don't pay, this attitude will
    need to change.

    
    re. NCP mother not paying child support
    
    Personally, if it were me, I wouldn't CARE about child support.
    If I could get custody of my 2 sons the $600+ a month that I didn't
    have to pay would seem like monetary reward enough.  Besides with what 
    she would probably have to pay, by the time I got a lawyer and took it 
    to court it would take me probably 3-6 months to recoop the difference.
    
    my 2�
    _ed-
    

  .2> if it were me, I wouldn't CARE about child support

       I used to pay $810/month plus, and now she pays me NOTHING!
       I thought I wouldn't care either except ...

         - She moved 3,000 miles away and wants me to pay for � the
           plane fare on 3 trips a year!

         - I pay the telephone bill when he talks to her 3,000 miles
           away, regardless of who called who.  When she had custody,
           and my son called me, it was always a collect call.

         - She suggests that he needs his own car (he's 15), and after
           he gets psyched up, she will not donate towards the price of
           driving lessons, car payments ...

         - I pay medical insurance and uninsured medical expenses, and
           she wants him to see a chiropractor for ...

         etc, etc

       I'm not optimistic about getting the court system to write a
       child support order, or enforce it if they wrote it.  And I
       definitely prefer this condition over the NCP condition.  But it's
       hard to "not care" about the gender prejudice I see in the
       divorce system in NH.  It makes those little issues listed above
       (and they are little issues) a thorn in my side.


	Richard

    re.3
    
    I too would or could not care less either. I would prefer the custodial 
    parent and no child suport than being the NCP. 

    You probably would start to care a bit more if you weren't holding
    the jobs that you do; but instead, working just a bit above min.
    wage.  That's when you really feel some stress and even more anger
    towards your ex-spouses.   I guess even more so, had you not had
    to fight for custody at all, but rather granted custody w/o a hassle.
    
    I've opted to not pursue child support at different times during
    my divorce, just to have my ex of my back.  But all the while, I
    felt resentful for being in that predicament.                        
    
    Anyway, alls well that ends well.

    I donno about that, we might be working just above min wadge too! Your
    making a sad asumption. The other thing is that in some, not all,
    divorces many of us NCP men have to pay not only the child suport, the
    maintence/alimony, our attorney bills, but hers, the kids for the GAL
    has got to get his fair share of picking you pocket. And! On top of it
    all!! The gaul is that you have to pay for the joint marrital bills,
    the marrital home bills, and you cannot get the chance to even sleeep
    in the old joint marrital home cause you have been thrown out into the
    street, for thats the right thing to do if your the man, living in a
    car, living in a celar, living on someones couch, living in a rooming
    house where there is murder, drugs, ma-ham, and after a week the cops
    know you by first name and you had nothing to do with the crap that
    went on in the next apartment!!! GEE! Sounds to me like when your done
    with all of that stuff there isnt much of a comfortable wadge there
    my friend!:) I think you gotta stop in a couple of our fathers suport
    group meetins sometime and listen to our side of the fence. We have
    heard much of yours. 
    
    SRATGA::SCARBERRY_CI, I am sending you a personal invation to come some
    tuesday night. The ride to Concord N.H. is on me, and a coffie. You
    just get yourself to the town of Nashua. And I will drive you, to
    and from Concord. Meet some of the new homeless folks out there.

    re: .3 & .5
    
    I agree that the above would be a thorn in the side.
    
    but...
    
    Along with the thorns I would have the flowers.  8-)
    
    _ed-

    re.6
    
    Thanks for the invitation.  I'd take you up on your offer only that
    I'm over 1000 miles away in California.   And it would be very hard
    for me to attribute sympathy or empathy towards this group, at the
    moment.   
              
    What is this organization asking for?
    What's the objective of this organization?  Perhaps, in the future
    when I'm able to pursue more aspiring goals of journal/reporting,
    I'd love to do a feature on this group and its issues.  Why hasn't
    your group attracted more media coverage?  And contrary to what
    I've learned in Family Law, are you're your horror stories possible?
                                         
    

    The org is Fathers United for Equal Justice, a oximorn in it self. For
    there seems to be no equal justice. The goal is to help NCP to get a
    fair shake in their divorces. As in if you lost you job around here,
    and there is no child suport or alimony payments being made. Many a man
    has been incarsarated. Why? He lost his job! Got laid off, the economy.
    Or he has been FAULSY accused for child molesting as a way for the
    opposing camp to get the upper hand. We help, we help each other when
    we are on our roller coster rides. Many of us are sucker punched by our
    own attornies. The group provides a network of who is the good and bad
    attornies. The saying goes, "I cried for I had no shoes, till I met the
    man who had no feet." And we help each other. Even lobby agianst bone
    head bills that are grossly, blaintly, discrimanatory. And would hurt 
    beyond reason the NCP. 
    
    What is the org asking for? For equality in divorce. Thats all. Not
    anti-feminist, not anti-this or that. There are many irresponisble men
    and women out there. The game is to help make those who are
    irresponsible - responsible for their acts and actions. Empathy?
    Sympathy? If there were more men and women with the attitude that I
    have demonstrated in some of my writings here, please I don't want to
    sound like a braggard, would not the world for the children of divorced
    families be in better health? Would you not be hurting about your bio
    dad? Or that of you and your ex? 
    
    Programs like "Dead Beat Dads" are great! But I see or have seen no
    inclusions for "Dead Beat Moms". There is/are laws that are to protect
    us all from gender bias. I have seen much of one side, then the other. 
    If dads are a bunch of happy go lucky I got a fat pay check folk, why 
    have I seen some sleeping in their cars on $11 a week? Why do I see
    men paying for the ex, the children, and the new beu as he sleeps in
    a flop house, why do we see alienation from children because he is a
    drunkard? A doper? A sex mainiac? Wow! What are we really basing our
    facts upon with the ex? Personal experiences? Preconcieved notions of
    assumptions? Sterio typing? Sexist discrimination? 
    
    I am like a number of other dads in our group. Pay our way, pay her way
    too, and see our children if we do not have custody. I cannot
    understand why someone like you would be agianst something like this?
    No one is out to hurt you, murder you, rape you. No one is interested
    in calling you names either. Just want a fair shake in visitations, and
    divisions of responsibility.
    
    Peace
    George

    re.9
    Thanks for the explanation.  You have merit in what you say, I'm
    sure.  I would think that the NCPs that do belong to this org. are
    indeed concerned for their welfare as well as their childrens; and
    for that, I commend them.  As a matter of fact, I probably respect
    them more than those that choose not to pay at all in order to
    beat the raw deal, if that is so their case.

    re.10
    
    Thank you very much for your kind words. I truly believe in what I say
    and hope to live up to what I say as well. Thanks agian. And agian,
    the invation still stands for you and anyone else who wishs to share
    in the solutions that must be done to make divorce a fair thing. 
    
    Peace
    George

    re. 10
    
    Our group song is the theme from "The Alfred Hitchcock Show". :)

.-1
 With regard to the NH court system the song might
be "The Adams family" you know mysterious and kooky.....