Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    
    I'd take physical custody of my two in a heartbeat, changes in
    lifestyle notwithstanding.  I'd eagerly change back to the "burden" of
    having my kids around all the time.  I hope it will happen someday.
    
    McQ
    

    As .1 said, I would be very happy to have physical custody of my son.  

    But I sense a lot of apprehension in your question.  Don't know how it
    works on the left coast, but here in the East the folks with EAP are
    very good at helping us sort out that kind of stuff.  Have you tried
    talking with them?  

    John

    
    	Sounds strange to me.  Why does she want to give the kids up?
    
    	I have my son and never *never* give him up!
    
    	Hal

re: .0

I would take my son without batting an eye lash. Yes the single life certainly
has it's merits, but would gladly give it away to have such an opportunity.

Also why would your ex suddenly want to do this? New flame in her life? What
about reversing the support payments?


John

    I find it interesting that the responses so far have assumed (perhaps
    naturally) that the ex who (theoretically) wants to give up custody is 
    the mother.  
    
    I'm a non-custodial mother who also would take my children in an 
    instant.  They're both now in their late teens and know that there's an
    open offer for them to come live with me at any time and for any
    reason.
    
    Karen 
    

    This is a hypothetical question, but one that I've thought over
    recently, should my ex and I, (now in reconciliation) not make it.
     NO, there's no new romance or anything like that that would prompt
    me to let him take charge over our 2 kids, (age 7&9), but rather
    economics.  I've raised my 2 kids practically single handedly. 
    He's been able to go to school and get a good job with growth
    potentional.  I've been living bread to mouth for 5 years and it
    takes its toll.  I've thought about my children's future and I don't
    want them to lead one as I.  I want to be able to provide them a
    chance to benefit from a good education and other activities.  If
    he were to take over, I'd rent a room only and finish my college
    education in 2 years rather than in 8.  Also, I feel that my ex
    would better understand what it's like to raise 2 kids by yourself
    without any financial support, like he did to me. 
                                                      
    He has said on an occassion, that having us as a family again was
    going to get some getting use to.  This is radically different from
    the single life he's lead.  But, yes he has said very often after
    the divorce that'd he take them in a heartbeat and should we not
    make it this time, he'd difinetly want them full time.  
    
    Really, I hope neither one of us will take each other up on that
    offer.  I prefer we do it together under the same roof.

       As a person who was "without custody" for two years and now has
       "temporary physical custody" for six months, let me say:

       - I was involved in raising my children while I was married
         (16+ years) and had to be very aggressive to maintain a measure
         of involvement now that I'm single.

       - Once my ex realized I was serious about getting a divorce, the
	 relationship went from bad to open warfare on her part and
	 hasn't changed much since.

       As of July 1, I went from NCP to CP.  The only changes, over the
       past several days are more mail and phone calls for my son then
       before, and a BIG chunck of my weekly check stays home.

       If raising a child was a burden during marraige, it will be more
       of a burden now, as a single parent.  However, I think an NCP who
       was involved with raising his children before the divorce AND
       ENJOYED IT, will enjoy it just as much now.  This may be
       especially true, since he will be doing it without the stress of
       a failing marriage.

       I think it takes a lot of personal courage to work your way through
       this issue.  Good luck with your decission, which ever way you go.


       Richard

    See my note "40" in this conference.  The length of time that Jane was
    to be with her dad was undecided (it turned out to be only a year) and
    no formal (legal) custody change was done.  Overriding all of this was
    the fact that we have a very good working relationship when it comes to
    our daughter and I am not sure how it would work out when one or both
    parties have any hostility.  
    
    Good luck.
    
    Susan
    

    In my first marrage my ex got custody of both my daughters. After about
    three years my youngest daughter(age 10 at the time) showed up at my
    front door crying and told me that her mother dropped her off and she
    would be living with me from now on. I felt really bad for her but I
    was thrilled to get her back even on short notice. She is still with me
    (she's 24 now). My older daughter showed up a couple of weeks later. I 
    was thrilled. My oldest daughter is now married. 

    Susan,
    I did read your note.  It was very interesting to read and it's
    nice to know that there are others riding similar boats.  Thanks
    alot for sharing your experiences.  They are very appreciative.
    
    And thanks to ncp's.  Sometimes, old fashioned views are hard to
    break.  It was hard for me to believe that my ex loved our kids
    as much as I did.  I'm sure he does, although he can be so damn
    hard headed.  He just can't stand to be told what to do.  I guess
    I probably wouldn't either.  It's never happened to me, you know.