Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

       
       My ex tried to do the same thing to me.  I solved the problem by
       accident.

       When I first left the house, I got an apartment within my son's
       school district.  By chance, it was the same apartment complex
       where his best friend lived.

       My original reason was to avoid conflict on visitation.  I had
       him every other weekend and every Thursday night (overnight) and
       I didn't want to hassle with the ex at pick up time.  By living
       on his bus route (2 miles from the house):

        - I didn't pick him up or drop him off.  He came home (to me)
          every Thursday on the school bus.  He also left on Friday
	  morning or on Monday morning on the school bus.

        - When he was out with his friends, he would come over on his
	  own.  He was in the neighborhood.

	- Some of his new friends, didn't know he had another address or
	  phone.  They thought he lived with me, because he was with me
	  so often.

	- I kept a link to his guidance counselor, so that I got copies
          of all progress reports.  Through her I also got a copy of the
          school "news" (Marking periods, field trips, open house,
          teachers meetings, etc.)

        - I kept a link to his coaches for the same reason.  (I also
	  coached the church basketball team that he played on).

       By seeing him so often, I didn't have to ask so much about what
       was going on, it just came up in the conversation.  Having his
       friends over also was a benefit.  They treated me like I was
       still his father, so everything was as normal as possible, under
       the circumstances.

       You may not be able to move as close, but you can see the idea.

       Richard

    
    	I don't see much activity on this note but have a similar question. 
    
    The 'ex' has for 3 years in a row now sent my 2 sons out of state for
    an extended period time 8+ weeks the last 2 years and I'm not sure for
    how long this year since they just went down this past week.  All three
    times have been without my knowledge or consent.  This year is
    different however because we finally got a more formal agreement this 
    past year in conjuction with a recalculation of child support.  The 
    new visitation says that I have my sons for the first 5 weeks of the 
    summer and every other weekend for the rest of the summer.  If she
    doesn't have them back by this weekend (they are in TX we are in CO)
    then I will miss my weekend visitation.  Hence, a breech of contract?
    
    At the end of our five weeks, the night before they had to go home the
    youngest one was in tears, not wanting to go home but preferring to
    stay with us.  I had a talk with the oldest (btw they are 6� & 9) this 
    past weekend because of discipline problems and he also stated that he
    doesn't like going home to his mother.  Believe me, these statements 
    were NOT prompted.  I was raised in a divorced home and would not for
    any amount of self-gratification put my kids in the middle of a feud 
    between me and my 'ex'.  In fact we are very careful not to talk bad
    about her or allow them to talk bad about her.
    
    	My question is (finally) do I have grounds for a 'contempt' suit
    against my 'ex' and hope that this will help us in the future.  We 
    are VERY SERIOUSLY considering trying to get physical custody.  We 
    are also considering going to family counceling with the oldest to 
    see if they can cooberate that he 'should' be with his father.
    
    	_ed-

re: .2,

I am not sure as to your laws, but if visitation is outline clearly as you
stated, then I believe your ex would be in contempt. Unless there was some sort
of prior knowledge between you and your ex that they may not be available for
the next visitation window, this would be a clear violation of the agreement.

John

    
    If it's in writing and she's not abiding by it, that is grounds for
    contempt.
    
    McQ
    

    Sorry about the lateness of my response.  I've been on vacation, then
    when I got back I saw this note and intended to respond to it, then I
    lost the note.
    
    I have been able to successfully have my ex held in contempt on three
    counts.  She ended up spending 1 day in jail for the first one and
    serving 18 days of a 30 day sentence for the other two.
    
    The first thing I tell anyony seeking to file contemp charges is
    DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT.  Diaries/logs are admissabel evidence
    in most courts.  They also serve your purpose better if you can go
    in to court and say that "on this day xxx happend and the court orders
    say that he/she is supposed to being doing yyy and she didn't", rather than 
    going in and ranting that "he/she is a *&^%$% and has been jerking me 
    around in violation of court orders".  Courts want specifics, evidence,
    and witnesses, not generalizations and rantings (not saying that this *is* 
    what you are doing or not).  I also tell people to base their violation
    in terms of violating the children's rights as well as your own (which
    is the truth). Judges will generally be more concerned about the
    children's rights that yours.  CHILDREN HAVE A *RIGHT* TO MAINTAIN A 
    RELATIONSHIP WITH *BOTH* PARNTS.
    
    What a the court can/will do about contempt varies greatly depending on
    the judge and how much he/she thinks the defendants actions harmed you.
    You may have to go back to court more than once before the judge will
    finally start doing anything.  You can also request the judge to be
    withdrawn from the case on the grounds that he/she is obviously
    biased, or do like I did and campaign to have the judge removed from
    ofice.  When you do that, the judge now has a personal interest in
    the case and can no longer sit on a case that he/she has a personal
    interest in.
    
    Another tool that you may want to check into (in your stat) is what
    is called a "Directed Order".   A Directed Order is a sort of direct
    order "do it and I mean it or else".  Directed Orders are suplimental
    to the origional orders, and are usually relatively easy to get.  
    Then if he/she violates the Directed Order, there is a LOT more
    pressure on the judge to actually do something substantial.
    
    fred();