Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    And I was thinking that Canada might be a good place to go after what
    I have gone through..... Well scratch that one off the list. Best
    thoughts are still a warm tropical place where dental floss means
    bikini! 8-)
    
    George

    Don't have much to offer in the way of support here, but if the
    Canadian constitution is anything like the U.S. constitution and if
    they have anything like the ACLU around.  I'd be looking into nailing
    someone to the wall for violation of Due Process.
    
    Good luck in court.  Hope the Judge will buy the fact that the proble
    is a mis-wording of the ageeement and give you some relief. 
    Otherwise, bankruptsy may be your only out here.
    
    fred();

re: .1

This is related to the Ontario Govt and not what is happening in other provinces
which would have their own process. Hopefully, they are better than the one we
have in Ontario.

re: .2

>    Don't have much to offer in the way of support here, but if the
>    Canadian constitution is anything like the U.S. constitution and if
>    they have anything like the ACLU around.  I'd be looking into nailing
>    someone to the wall for violation of Due Process.

One of the angles I have certainly been looking at is the constitutional one. It
clearly seems to outline, 'your innocent until proven otherwise'. What has
been done so far clearly says 'your guilty until you prove your innocents and
the onus is on me to prove it'.
   
>    Good luck in court.  Hope the Judge will buy the fact that the proble
>    is a mis-wording of the ageeement and give you some relief. 
>    Otherwise, bankruptsy may be your only out here.
    
Thanks, I'll need it.

John

The session in the court today resulted in my motion being dismissed on the
bases they figure I can afford to pay and it was in the child's best interest.

Various expenses on the financial statement were disallowed based on the courts
opinion they were too high. They disputed the electricity bill amounts which
were actual amounts, recreation $$$ for visitation expense so my son and
I can do various activities when he visits me every two weeks (gee whiz, we were
only talking 60 bucks/month and it was deemed too high). I fail to see how actual
billed and paid amounts can be deemed too high. There were a couple other odds
and ends which they disputed, even the loan that was required to cover off
mutual debits at time of separation. It seemed like this should have been paid
off cash so it would not affect child support payments in the courts opinion.

I guess the real lesson to this story is, doing the right thing by the child and
your ex-spouse at separation is not in the NCP's best interest. If your ex-spouse
gets greedy or seeks revenge, you crash and burn like I have. My X is mad at me
because I got up first and said enough was enough and left before she could do
it.

Now I kind of wander if I should even pursue the support variance before the
supreme court based on todays results. The money which would be going to pay for
legal bills could be better spent paying debits instead of going into a lawyers
pocket.

Second I am so fed up having to deal with my ex-spouse and the hassles of
telephone access to even see or speak to my son. Even when all the non-sense is
properly document, it is still hard to prove in court. It really comes down to
her word against mine and the court is very biased towards women/children these
days. This is good to a point since there seems to be a lot of violence toward
women and children these days which is also hard to prove sometimes.

Well, what next...... I need to think about this further, how to find peace or
sanity in all this.

John

Before the most recent court ruling, the ex's lawyer had sent of a document to
my lawyer asking to settle out of court. This arrived the day after the hearing
and it did not really say much than agreed to the visitation/telephone access
that we were demanding. The other two issues such as her claim for costs and a
variance to child support were not addressed to any real point worth mentioning.

Considering the ex-spouse's past record, and the attempts to settle this over
the last 6-7 months which she ignored, I am skeptical as to her sudden interest.
I am hearing third hand from someone the ex-spouse had talked too about
getting hitch in August. So this may be the sudden interest on her part, it is
just too bad that I am not in any rush here so I think she can forget about
August unless something reasonable is worked out shortly. Anyway, my lawyer has
responded agreeing to the child visitation outline plus a few other points and
asked for a four way meeting. This should be interesting.............

John

    John,
    
         Would like to take a minute to let you know that you are not
    alone.  However, I am on the other side.  I have been divorced for
    almost 9 years.  My ex was to pay $125 a month per child (we have two
    boys).  He has NEVER in nine years paid one penny voluntarily.  It took
    me three years before the court would issue a wage lien.  Then he quit
    his job.  Then he moved out of state.  Now that he is several, several
    thousand dollars behind in child support the state has finally gone
    after him, issuing a warrant for his arrest.  What happens next, he has
    hired an attorney and filed papers with the court for Custody.  He has
    had nothing to do with my boys for the most part of these nine years
    and now they have to go and visit with him.  They are screaming out to
    anyone that will listen (and no one will, they don't vote) that they
    do not want see him.  They are begging not to have to go, they are
    making hate mail and phone calls to him.  He laughs at them and tells
    them that "It is my GOD DAM_ legal right to take you and if you think
    for one minute that you are not going to come with me think again
    because I will have your GOD DAM_ mother put in jail and then what will
    you do?"  That is a quote.  Unfortunately the boys are only 9 and 10
    and therefore anything they have to say is not truely heard by the
    masters in the court room.  The masters feel that they are too young to
    know what they are talking about.
    
         So as you can see the court does not always do justice for either
    side.  Just keep your head up and keep trying.  I know sometimes I feel
    like I am going to loose it.  What is being done to my children is the
    so far from "The best interest of the Children" that it sickens me.
    
    Take care,
    
    Colleen

>                                                <<< Note 137.6 by MAMTS5::CHOOVER >>>
>                                                     -< Which side is worse? >-
>
>    John,
>    
>         Would like to take a minute to let you know that you are not
>    alone.  However, I am on the other side.  I have been divorced for
>    almost 9 years.  My ex was to pay $125 a month per child (we have two
>    boys).  He has NEVER in nine years paid one penny voluntarily.  It took
>    me three years before the court would issue a wage lien.  Then he quit
>    his job.  Then he moved out of state.  Now that he is several, several
>    thousand dollars behind in child support the state has finally gone
>    after him, issuing a warrant for his arrest.  What happens next, he has
>    hired an attorney and filed papers with the court for Custody.  He has
>    had nothing to do with my boys for the most part of these nine years
>    and now they have to go and visit with him.  They are screaming out to

I can understand how you feel when the children get involved in the battle
between the CP and NCP. I am not sure how this works in your state, but based
on his past record, if you prove his lack of interest, the judge would toss his
claim out the door. Get your self an attorney, it is your best defense in these
cases.

 >   anyone that will listen (and no one will, they don't vote) that they
 >   do not want see him.  They are begging not to have to go, they are
 >   making hate mail and phone calls to him.  He laughs at them and tells
 >   them that "It is my GOD DAM_ legal right to take you and if you think
 >   for one minute that you are not going to come with me think again
 >   because I will have your GOD DAM_ mother put in jail and then what will
 >   you do?"  That is a quote.  Unfortunately the boys are only 9 and 10
 >   and therefore anything they have to say is not truely heard by the
 >   masters in the court room.  The masters feel that they are too young to
 >   know what they are talking about.
 
 He sounds like bad news. My X has made some threats too, the problem is how
does one go about proving it? The lawyer's indicate it is a difficult thing to
prove. He should be hung up on when he starts this crap and leave the phone off
the hook too!
  
>         So as you can see the court does not always do justice for either
>    side.  Just keep your head up and keep trying.  I know sometimes I feel
>    like I am going to loose it.  What is being done to my children is the
>    so far from "The best interest of the Children" that it sickens me.
>    
>    Take care,
>    
>    Colleen
 
I keep hearing the same words but like you, justice seems to do the opposite
from what the kids really want. There have been many times which I have felt
that I have lost it. I can really relate and feel your pain under these
conditions. Let me know how it shapes up.

John

    John,
    
         Thought you might like to know the latest.  We went to a pre-trial
    settlement last Wednesday.  This is to attempt to come to settlement
    before the trial.
    
         My attorney, the childrens attorney and my ex's attorney were
    present.  The boys went in private with their attorney.  When they cam
    back my oldest (10) was crying.  He said that his attorney was trying
    to talk them into going on a weeks vacation with their father.  They
    explained that they did not want to that he had just the previous
    Sunday threatened them.  He told them they had better pray to God that
    he does not get them for a week because if he does it will be a week of
    HELL.  She said they should go that they are lucky to have two men in
    their life, their natural and step-fathers.  Theodore said "I am not
    lucky, that he is mean and not a good person" that he threatened us and
    we do not want to go, we are afraid.  
     
         Then all three attorneys went into the judges chambers.  My
    attorney came out and said "Here is your chance.  You wanted to go
    before a judge and we are".  We all went into the courtroom and the
    judge came in.  THEN the judge stood up and preceeded to give a five
    minute speech directed right at me.  He said --- That the courts do not
    have time for this.....That I do not own these children, they abolished
    that after the civil war......That the father does not have to support
    them but will have all rights to see them......That they will not be
    kept from their Social, Economic, Ethnic backround......That they are
    note old enough to say what they want.......That they will go until
    they are eighteen regardless.........That he is a nice judge and I had
    better hope that come August 22 I do not get a male judge that had been
    in the military.
    
         He then said he was done.  My ex's attorney stood up and said that
    they wanted a week's vacation.  My attorney stood up and argued no,
    that we were currently under a Pende Lite agreement of which that was
    not a part.  The judge said that of course they should go for him with
    a week he is their father and should have too weeks.  That they will
    leave with him this Sunday (Last Night) for a week.
    
         In dis-belief we left the courtroom.  My husband was in shock, he
    could not believe that a judge would say such thing in public.  Then my
    attorney told me that the children's lawyer while in the judges
    chambers told the judge that in her opinion she felt it would be fine
    for them to go with him for a week.  And that the judge hinted to my
    attorney that if I come on August 22 to defend the custody suit that
    they will give him the kids.
    
         Then Wednesday night the kids phoned their father to protest.  To
    tell him they do not want to go.  He told them that it was too bad,
    that he would be there to get them Sunday and that they would have a
    great week a the beach locked up inside the trailer/camper.
    
         So they left yesterday, I have not idea where is has really taken
    them or what he is doing to them.  I can't stop him because they will
    put me in jail and give them to him anyway.  I am so worried, it is
    really sad.  He told the judge that this was a family vacation, that
    his mother and his girlfriends mother and there Aunt and Uncle were
    going.  The boys said he was lying that he told them it would be just
    the four of them and his nephew.  The boys were right... He, his
    girlfriend and his nephew came to get them with no one else.  He said
    they were going to a camper park at the beach.  The police are
    currently trying to locate them to confirm that he in fact did take
    them there like he said he was.
    
         I'll keep you posted.  Thanks for listening.

>    judge came in.  THEN the judge stood up and preceeded to give a five
>    minute speech directed right at me.  He said --- That the courts do not
>    have time for this.....That I do not own these children, they abolished
>    that after the civil war......That the father does not have to support
>    them but will have all rights to see them......That they will not be
>    kept from their Social, Economic, Ethnic backround......That they are
>    note old enough to say what they want.......That they will go until
>    they are eighteen regardless.........That he is a nice judge and I had
>    better hope that come August 22 I do not get a male judge that had been
>    in the military.
    
Wow, where did they dig up this old fossil. I am shock at just the 'That the
father does not have to support them, but will have all rights to see them'. Is
this judge implying your ex does not have to pay child support? 

What a flip flop your case is to my case. The judge at my last hearing gave his
little speech too. It was quit apparent that whether I end up on skid row or not
was not important, just that the child's best interest must be considered here.
Justice (if you can call it that) sure does get dispensed in strange and
inconsistant ways. 

People do not give children enough credit when they express their views or
concerns when it comes to NCP's or CP's. If a child resents/dislikes one of
the parents as in your case, it must be for a good reason. Unfortuately,
children are often ignored and placed into very compromising situations.


>         In dis-belief we left the courtroom.  My husband was in shock, he
>    could not believe that a judge would say such thing in public.  Then my
>    attorney told me that the children's lawyer while in the judges
>    chambers told the judge that in her opinion she felt it would be fine
>    for them to go with him for a week.  And that the judge hinted to my
>    attorney that if I come on August 22 to defend the custody suit that
>    they will give him the kids.
    
Just from what you have protrayed here, this judge seems to have already made up
his mind. It seems so unjust and swear this guy has been bought out by your ex.
I am not sure what more to say other than it just does not seem right!


>         Then Wednesday night the kids phoned their father to protest.  To
>    tell him they do not want to go.  He told them that it was too bad,
>    that he would be there to get them Sunday and that they would have a
>    great week a the beach locked up inside the trailer/camper.
>    
>         So they left yesterday, I have not idea where is has really taken
>    them or what he is doing to them.  I can't stop him because they will
>    put me in jail and give them to him anyway.  I am so worried, it is
>    really sad.  He told the judge that this was a family vacation, that
>    his mother and his girlfriends mother and there Aunt and Uncle were
>    going.  The boys said he was lying that he told them it would be just
>    the four of them and his nephew.  The boys were right... He, his
>    girlfriend and his nephew came to get them with no one else.  He said
>    they were going to a camper park at the beach.  The police are
>    currently trying to locate them to confirm that he in fact did take
>    them there like he said he was.
>    
 
This all sounds pretty bad and appears your ex has been deceitful. My ex has
been know to do the same on a regular bases. Why, I don't know and do not
understand what gains are made by such deceit. It would seem your ex's
statements to the judge was just window dressing to get his way. I am not sure
what else to say other than document, document, document. Sooner or later one
would think a pattern can be shown to exist. Your lawyer should advise you
further on how effective this could be.

>        I'll keep you posted.  Thanks for listening.

Glad to hear from you, keep smiling, things will work out sooner or later.

An update to my situation. After some discussion with my lawyer, the whole issue
around child support adjustment will not be persued. By the time this would get
to court which appears to be a possible two years, there would no longer be a
valid reason to obtain a temporary reduction or alternate payment scheme. I
agree with what she (lawyer) is telling me. At that point the problem will be
almost gone and once the judge has seen I survived that long, what's another few
months.

So, I have more or less moved out from my current place of residence and living
with my cousin's fianc�. This was the only way to meet child support
obligations, meet the loan payments, other creditors and yet persue a some what
normal existance with money in my pockets. At this rate, I may be in a position
again by January to get a place of my own again. It's not great but better than
living out in the street.

As far as the other issues as access to my son, it would appear I will get much
clearer language on this and well as having her claim for costs tossed out. It
is expected in all fairness, she will have to cover her own costs and pay only a 
� share of the court disbursements (I am told this should be about $300.00).
The child support variance is still on the table as a bargaining chip we can
toss away to obtain an out of court settlement, yet hope for something just as a
bonus.

Over the last few weeks, my ex has stopped her game playing around telephone
access and visitations. Why the sudden change in her role here is not clear and
one can only speculate. Anyway, it would appear that within the next month or
so, we should have something nailed down here and hopefully end the foolish
games.

   I was horrified to read .7's notes, also.  It seems very clear that the
   children's attorney wasn't listening to the children or you, but
   following her *own* agenda.  

   Can't your attorney get you scheduled with another judge?  (Behind the
   scenes stuff:  the ex's attorney either knew what he was doing when he
   got this judge, or it was dumb luck.)

   This is a bad scene for you, and for the kids especially.

   Let us know when you hear from them, how they're doing, etc.

   Take care of yourself so that you will be strong enough to deal with
   whatever is coming next!


   							Terza

    John,
    
         I want to wish you the best of luck.  It seems so ironic that in a
    courtroom none of the evidence seems to be looked at.  My Granfather
    always said "The last place to get justice is in a court of law".
    
         Seems the old guy was right.
    
         You hang in there.  I am a firm believer in WHAT GOES AROUND COMES
    AROUND.
    
         Will keep in touch.
    
    Colleen

    Thanks to all for the note of encouragement.  I have managed to get
    someone in the police department where is supposedly took them on my
    side.  They have verified where the children are, that they look alive
    and breathing.  They have promised to check on them several times a day
    and have both my office and home number in the event of an emergency.
    
         I have found that I can file a grievence with a committee here in
    Maryland to look into the behavior of the childrens appointed attorney. 
    Also, I have found out that I can file a claim against the judge
    requesting that he not be there August 22.  Reason:  prejiduce.  The
    problem is that I will probrably have to figure a way to do it on my
    own because my attorney will probrably not want to make waves with a
    judge that he will have to go before in the future of his career.  I
    now.....I should fire my attorney.  Unfortunately I have already paid
    him over $3,000.00 and currently owe him another $1,000.00.
    
         There is also an organization here entitle PACA (People against
    Child Abuse) I am trying to work with them on a new law that supposedly
    states the emotional and pychological conditions are also CHILD ABUSE.
    It is all so damn frustrating.  The overwhelming brick wall of politics
    really takes it out of you.  But as I said I love my children dearly
    and I will do what it takes to protect them in the best way I can. 
    Somehow when you look into their faces you find unknown strength.
    
         Will keep in touch.
    
    Colleen

Colleen,

Glad to hear you someone on the police force is on your side. If they happen to see
something strange going on, they make great witnesses.

I would certainly file a claim, and if your current attorney won't support you,
dump him/her too and you may even file a claim against the attorney. I owed my
previous attorney money when I dumped him, after all, who is more important
here, some scum sucking lawyer who's only looking out for him/her self or you? I
pick me over the lawyer any day. It wasn't until three months after I dumped him
that he was paid.

Keep smiling,

John

    Colleen,
    
    	Your ex, has he ever beaten these children? Has he mentally or
    physically abused them? 
    
    George
    

    Once he beat my nine year old for wetting the bed.  At this point I am
    hitting a brick wall because he is both mentally and phsycologically
    abusing both of them.  My attorney says the courts will ONLY recognize
    physical or sexual abuse but not mental or phsycological.
    
    He says at this point I should just give my ex what ever he wants or
    the court is going to take the children away from me.
    
    Colleen

    In New Hampshire there is a clause called "Alienation of Affectin"
    which is a civil suite and what could happen is that he could sue you
    for some health 6 digit figure if he feels that you are brain washing
    your children to hate him. I am not trying to say anything of harm here
    just pointing out what could happen if he could prove the fact, or even
    aligate it. I have seen it happen here. The ex was telling the childen
    what a bad SOB this man was, and etc. Well he did fill a civil suite
    agianst her and the battle of the century wadges on. This guy was
    mentioned in mens notes 612.xx. His truck was set on fire, mail has
    been messed with, false-ly arrested, etc. 
    
    I am not trying to say that your doing this, agian just telling you
    what could happen if his attorney is convinced. 
    
    Good Luck!
    
    George_who_understands_what_its_like_to_worry_about_the_welfare_of_ones
    _children.

    Thank you for making me aware of that law.  However, my children have
    been examined by everyone and there brother for that purpose.  My own
    attorney had them examined to make sure the feelings we there own.  In
    each instance including the Phsycologist it has been determined that
    not only are their feeling there own but valid.
    
    Hope it does not come to something like that, my children have been put
    through enough.
    
    Colleen

re: .14 (and many others)
    
    I am not trying to pick a fight with anyone, as I totally understand
    the intense feelings and emotions, as well as the likelyhood of
    personality clashes that may result from unsatisfactory results in the
    courts.  I am presently involved myself.  But I think remarks like:
    
>, some scum sucking lawyer who's only looking out for him/her self or you? 
    
    are a bit too inflamitory and broad-sweeping.
    
    Please remember that we have a participant in this conference who
    has, in addition to being a DECcie, her own law practice, where she
    practices family law and is particularly knowledgeable about matters
    often discussed in this conference.  She also happens to be a friend of
    mine, and I take umbrage at such generalities.
    
    tony

>    courts.  I am presently involved myself.  But I think remarks like:
>    
>>, some scum sucking lawyer who's only looking out for him/her self or you? 
>    
>    are a bit too inflamitory and broad-sweeping.
>

Tony,

Note the word 'some', it does not imply all lawyers are out there for them
selves. There are a vast number of lawyers who do care about obtaining justice
for their clients at a reasonable cost. I fail to see how you find it
broad-sweeping. As far as I am concerned, my first lawyer fit that description
to the tee.

If you found it offensive, I apologize and will be a little more careful on
selecting descriptive words in the future. There was no intent on my part to be
general, just to point out in every bunch, there are a few bad apples.

John 

    Tony,
    
    	Well I am shure that she has heard worse and I am shure that .14
    did not mean anyone at point. But, I tend to agree with .14's
    statements about attorneys. Esp since many of us have put up great
    quanities of hard earned money only to have them pick our pockets into 
    poverity and not help us at all. Why my favorite attorney took several 
    vacations to some real neet places off the sweat of my brow. Cannot 
    understand why she could not get what I wanted done done. Funny, 
    how I got custody of my daughter after my attorney dropped me by the
    way side when I could not be prostuted any more.
    Funny, the only differnece between them and a hooker is that the 
    hooker screwing you when your dead. :)
    
    Have a better day
    
    
    

Come January 12, 1992, it will have been two years to the day when my nightmare
began. A lot of water has gone under the bridge, so good, some bad and more to
come.

I believe this entire nightmare bottomed out around July/August just past
and has been slowly going uphill from that point. A couple of recent events have
suddenly caused the light at the end of the tunnel to appear much brighter. Two
key items dealing with my finances and access to my son are almost nailed solid,
but before I jump for too much joy yet, I'll wait for the ink to dry first.

The finances hopefully will be completed by the end of the week. The bank has
been very good at looking at things as a whole and lumping all my liabilities
together into one nice neat affordable package (debits, legal costs, court
costs, misc). This means, I can once again have savings for a rainy day (what a
novel concept) and have my very own place to live and INDEPENDENCE! Now if I can
only figure out what that is, it's been a long time.

Access has been agreed upon in written form and only needs to placed into a
proper document for signing. I got about 95% of what I asked for which is not
bad, the other 5% has either been dropped or modified to get agreement and thus
avoid further legal costs (man, what a pile of money out the window, but access
is most important). I had asked for my son on every second birthday, the ex
objected vehemently to this on the grounds it would hurt him academically (what
a pile of cow pies). I know I could have gotten that too, but the cost to do so
was just too high, but I still have the option to take him out the night before
if I wish. The other item dropped was for my birthday on the same cow dung
grounds.

 One other item was access in the event I could not pick him up on the
Friday night at 6PM. The ex was very rigid here too, so I have to forfeit the
entire weekend if something happens and I cannot pick him up. For the record we
noted our objection to such rigidness on the grounds it is not in the child's
best interest (we figure she change her mind about this one later).

Anyway, in one of the other notes, I mentioned putting in the original access
clause and the replacement since the original proved useless. I will do that in
one of the following note's soon. Maybe my hardships here could help someone else
have their's done right the first time and avoid problems.

With access sorted out at last, I will soon be a free man once the court gives
it final blessing to the divorce petition. I am planning to throw a 'Just
Divorced Party' to celebrate in the new year.

Another update soon.......


John

Hi fellow NCP's,

The following is a small part of the terms and conditions I have
achieved between my ex and I. This took many months and many dollars to get to
replace a single paragraph which did nothing but cause me endless problems. The
following is some highlights of the outcome. There is a lot of additional
verbiage which ties this together even further, but too lengthy to include here.
The new terms cover about 6 pages under the new contract vs. 1/3 to 1/2 page
from before. None of this is word for word, it's only a quick highlight and
hopefully help someone else do it the right way the first time. I trusted the
first _______ lawyer too much and ended up with useless terms and hence this is
my second attempt to do it right. No, some lawyers do not look out for your best
interests or stop you from making a bad mistake or decision. I know, I learned
this the hard way and at a enormous expense and hardship the first time around.

Credit for some of the content must go to the participants of this very notes
file. Without your experiences and problems with access, many of the thoughts
here, may not have been included or thought of by me or my lawyer. I wish to
thank all of you for the many life experiences you have provided and support you
have all shown. THANK YOU !

When the divorce petition was delivered to me many months ago, I was determined
to use it as leverage to get the existing useless access language changed and
knew the court would be on my side to have it changed. I had nothing to loose
here other than a few dollars and all the world to gain by having my son with me
on a regular basis without the previous bull sh*t of the past.

The new agreement has pretty much eliminated friction between the ex and I.
Visitations goes like clock work, and I am a happy man because of it and more
importantly, my son has access to his dad as he wishes. My son and I now decide
who, what, where and when access will occur and only requires me to provide
written notice if something will deviate from the normal pattern. I have always
maintained a stance with the ex, that it is my son and I who will decide if
visitation will happen or not. I will not force my son into see his dad, that is
something he has to want to do or it is not in his best interests. Hence, the ex
cannot force my son to see me or force me to take him and importantly, withhold
him from me against his or my wishes.

All I need now is the court to bless the divorce petition which is expected
early in the new year, I will be a free NCP. I know George has a few ideas on
how to party and celebrate.

What's next, well there is always the day my son come and live with me
permanently. Second, continue to lobby for the good of NCP's until a fair and
non-biased system exists for NCP's and CP's. May not happen in my life time, or
for me, but we have to put a stake in the ground someplace.

I hope if anything at all, the following gives another new NCP a start at
protecting his/her rights and the child's rights to be with the NCP and of each
others own free will.

***************************************************************************

(i) every other weekend from 6:00 p.m. on Friday to 6:00 p.m. on Sunday with the
weekend of ____________, 1991 being one upon which the husband has access to the
child.

[determines the pattern and weekends I have him, a recent reference point also
included]

(ii) two weeks during the month of July and August in each year, the particular
two weeks to be chosen by the husband upon written notice to the wife on or
before May 1 in each year, so long as the weeks do not conflict with the wife's
vacation plans communicated to the husband prior to May 1 in writing;

[ensures I can have my son for two weeks during the summer and the latter line
prevents her from changing her mind after I select my dates after she has
provided hers, this way she cannot say sorry I changed my mind, I want those
weeks my self]

(iii) Easter weekend from Thursday at 6:00 p.m. to Monday 6:00 p.m. in even
years;

[need I say any more]

(iv) from 5:00 p.m. to midnight on December 24th or from 11:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m.
on December 26th in each year, the choice of day to be the husband's upon his
providing written notice to the wife one month prior to December 24th in each
year;

[I can select either of the two options, exclusively my choice]

(v) the week during which the child's March school break occurs in odd years;

[need I say any more]

(vi) telephone access to the child during the hour of 6:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m.,
whenever the child is at home; and

[this is still no guarantee of game playing here, not much one can do here other
than sit outside the house with a car phone and call when you know he is there]

(vii) such further reasonable access as the husband requests upon 48 hours
written notice to the wife.

[useful if such requests are made and constantly turned down, establishes my
right to do so and leaves a paper trail]

(viii) some verbiage about removal of the child if the wife should move, must
remain within a 90 miles radius from the current residence (specifies the exact
current location). Must seek my consent if moving out side the 90 mile radius.
There is more binding verbiage around this which is too long to include, but the
jist of it is contained here.

[this has been one of the issues the ex has jumped all over and does not like,
there is fairly lengthy verbiage around all this to protect my rights and the
child's rights to see his father. Notice that we include very specific current
location information to have a peg in the ground someplace. This stops the ex
from moving 90 miles today and then another 90 miles next week, without a peg in
the ground, you can move every day by 90 miles and get away with move the child
out of reach. It also leaves the door open for me, though not noted here, the
verbiage includes the right to new access terms under such changes (ie. since
she move to far, pay for costs outside what I normally would incur within the
90 mile radius, air fare, bus, etc..).]

(ix) then there is some verbiage around what happens if I cannot pick him up,
notification of such, costs, and provide me with flexibility to exercise or not
exercise my rights without expense or penalties.

[since my ex has been very rigid with times and always trying to nickel and
dime me if I am late because of traffic, weather we covered this off in more
lengthy verbiage. It basically says she must remain reasonable and flexible
without incurring costs she claims for me being late. Cannot nickel and dime me
if I do not exercise access one weekend (ie. gone on business or vacation,
family deaths, illness and other such things). Once during a major snow storm
which crippled the city, I drove anyway to get my son and was two hours late,
she tried to bill be $30 dollars for extended day care costs she incurred even
though I was probably crazy to have even gone out to get him in the first place
and it was not my fault there was a blizzard raging. Anyway's the only time she
has any rights to claiming expense is if I just don't show up at all when I am
expected which I have no problem with.]

(x) some verbiage around a term life insurance policy that insures the child
support payments will continue in the event of my death. Who and how the trustee
will be determined of the trust fund and decides what fund will be released and
not. When the child reaches 21, the balance goes to the child outright and the
wife has no further claim.

[I am not sure about the U.S., but here in Ontario, it is not uncommon to insure
the expect life time of support payments. In most cases the moneys from the
policy get paid to the ex if I should croak. Imagine the party you ex could have
with the proceeds. In my case, a trust fund would be setup and administered by
my brother to maintain proper control and keep it out of hers. She would get her
entitled support payment and no more. Once the child reaches 21, then the child
get the rest outright and she has no further claim. This all dies of course if
support is not longer payable under the terms and conditions of the verbiage
(ie. child leaves home, dies, etc...) and thus she gets none of the money and the
trust then goes to my current family at the time.]