Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    Gary,
    
    About the only thing I can suggest for this one is to contact the
    local Bar Association and/or lawyer referral services (yellow pages).
    Explain your prediciment and see if they have a lawyer that would 
    accept a smaller retainer or a fixed/reduced fee.  The Code of
    Professional Conduct that governs attorneys says that no one should
    be denied legal representation simply because you can't afford it.
    However, your determination of what you can afford and their idea
    of what you can afford may be two different things ( not trying to
    imply that you can't, just the facts ).  Lawyers are committed by
    the Code to provide a certain amount of services to those who really
    need it and can't afford or obtain it elswhere.  However, again how
    closely they follow that code often depends on what suits their
    own purposes.
    
    Perhaps the Bar Association or Referral service can recommend a young
    lawyer trying to get established that will do cut-rate work.  This
    may actually be an advantage because the newer ones aren't as often
    jaded by the system.
    
    You note brings back some nasty memories. When my ex cut and run, 
    she went to a tax funded Legal Services.  They wouldn't take me because 
    the same law office can't represent both parties.  I ended up scrounging
    money from relatives and such and finally to representing myself.
    
    fred( dtn 592-4144 );

re .1

>    About the only thing I can suggest for this one is to contact the
>    local Bar Association and/or lawyer referral services (yellow pages).
>    Explain your prediciment and see if they have a lawyer that would 
>    accept a smaller retainer or a fixed/reduced fee.

I have contacted the Bar Association.  They said they do not have
information on which attorneys will provide reduced fee representation,
but would be happy to send me another referral and I could contact that
attorney and try to work something out with him/her.


 > 						       The Code of
 >   Professional Conduct that governs attorneys says that no one should
 >   be denied legal representation simply because you can't afford it.
 
The attorney I had for the divorce certainly did not care about this.
If he had, I would not be in this situation now.  Those attorneys
that do not wish to be governed by the Code of Professional Conduct
have methods to work around it.

>    However, your determination of what you can afford and their idea
>    of what you can afford may be two different things ( not trying to
>    imply that you can't, just the facts ).  Lawyers are committed by
>    the Code to provide a certain amount of services to those who really
>    need it and can't afford or obtain it elswhere.  However, again how
>    closely they follow that code often depends on what suits their
>    own purposes.
 
That's exactly what the problem is. The Bar Association uses Federal
guidelines that roughly resemble the guidelines to determine the
poverty level in determining who qualifies for free/reduced fee
representation.  My debt/income ratio is 83%.  That include only
rent, support and some money I had to borrow for car repairs and 
money borrowed for the last trip to visit my daughter.  The
last attorney I spoke to wanted $2500.00 up front and said it could
cost me $30,000 by the time we were through.  He also told me that
he was already representing some reduced fee clients and could not
take on any additional cases of that type.  The court system has
reduced me to living week to week so those kinds of figures are
not affordable to me.  I am working on reducing my living expenses
expenses but you can't live on much less in this area than what I am
currently living on.  But even if I could cut my expenses in half, my
daughter would be full grown by the time I could save that kind of money.
I have a consultation with another attorney tommorrow and expect to get
the same results.  I am also waiting for another referral from the Bar
Association.
   
    
>    You note brings back some nasty memories. When my ex cut and run, 
>    she went to a tax funded Legal Services.  They wouldn't take me because 
>    the same law office can't represent both parties.  I ended up scrounging
>    money from relatives and such and finally to representing myself.


My ex was also provided with an attorney at no cost even though she had
a full time job, a part time job, was a member of the Reserves and
was receiving money from me.  She apparently lied on the application.
I do not feel that I could take money from relatives because I do not have
the ability to repay them.  My civil rights guarantee me equal protection
under the law and that is what I fully expect from the court system.
I don't believe representing myself is a viable option.  I have no exposure
to the legal system and do not understand how they operate.  Whatever I
could learn about it would certainly not make up for the education and
experience an attorney already has.  The court system has also told me
that family law is a complicated issue that requires the services of an
attorney.

Thanks for the input Fred.  It is comforting to know that I'm not the
only one that has been down this road.

Gary     

    Based on my recent experience I stongly recommend that you learn the
    law and learn how to represent yourself.
    
    My ex recently sued me for a major increase in child support which I
    could not afford.  I also could not afford the $2000 retainer for a
    lawyer.  I spent three long evenings in a local NJ law school library
    learning the "key-word" system and tracking down all the referenced
    cases and statutes concerning Texas Child support, where my children
    live.  I filed a response with the court to my ex's suit.  Then I sent
    information to my ex showing that, based on my law research, I could be
    entitled to a decrease in child support.  My ex withdrew the suit.
    
    You have some advantages that I didn't have.  First, you are located in
    the state with juristiction and don't have to travel to respond.  She
    does. Second, you couldn't possibly be worse off than you already are! 
    Regardless of how foolish, inept, or embarassed you make yourself in
    dealing with the court, the court cannot dish out a worse outcome to
    you.  Third, if you sue her and represent yourself, she will have to
    hire a lawyer and pay the retainer.  When she realizes the cost
    involved, and realizes that you don't have any legal expense, she may
    be motivated to make an agreement with you.
    
    If you don't win, chalk it up to experience, learn from your mistakes
    and resolve to do better next time!  Common criminals become
    "jail-house" lawyers all the time.  Don't be intimidated!
    
    Carter

    Hello,  I do not normally go along with the advice that I am giving to
    you but it appears that you are bing to cooperative. First, stop paying
    all the child support that you have agreed to. That will get your
    "ex's" attention.  After you get her attention you can then negotiate a
    better deal.  I find that the best agreement are those that I am able
    to work out with the ex with out the involvement of the courts and the
    lawyers.   I feel strongly that the child support should be paid but if
    you are paying the formula by N H. STANDARDS USING GROSS PAY ALLOCATE
    BY PERCENT OF EARNINGS YOU SHOULD ONLY HOPE THAT THE CUSTODIAL PARENTS
    HAS GOTTEN A BIG RAISE.  I would put the money in an escrow account
    so that when AND IF SHE TAKES ME TO COURT I WOULD HAVE IT AND AT THAT
    TIME I WOULD SHOW MY REASONS.  It would also show that my intentions
    were never to withhold payment but to get fair treatment.  I do not
    know what part of new hampshire you live in but several very good
    lawyers will accept a retainer for a days work (about 800 dollars and
    let you psy the remainder off in time payments.
    
    The other advice I have for you is that you are important and so is you
    child but you can never make anyone or anything more important than you
    are.  As long as you make your daughter the central focus of your
    existance your ex wife will pull your chain!!!  You have to act as if
    you do not care even when you do.  And you have to use all of your 
    weapons when you are not being dealt a fair hand. 
    
    Hold tyhe child support
    Work to get a lawyer
    Read up on the Nh law
    and when you are brought back to court speak up.
    Finally Go on with your life.
    

This strikes me as a situation were you can add into your motion that she
cover your legal fees. Have you asked a lawyer about that, hence a lower 
retainer?

If you go to court be sure to ask for travel expenses to be paid by her
or split with you based on income when your child visits.

Maybe I have a very special lawyer. I am about to back into court and
it is potentially a long drawn out process but he has asked me for
only a $500 retainer. I've known him for several years and always paid
him the amount I said I would on the given date.

There seem to be a lot of lawyers that gouge. I am very fortunate to
have found one that doesn't. Best of luck you on your search.


			   John

P.S. I went through 5 lawyers to find mine. Don't give up.

   Many thanks for the replies.  Much has happened since I submitted
my original note.  I was sent e-mail by several individuals who had
been through similar situations.  One of them helped me get involved
in a group that meets weekly to discuss the laws surrounding divorce
and custody.  They also told me what resources were available to me.
I spent last weekend at the law library trying to familiarize myself
with these materials.  I also plan to accompany a couple of the
members of the group to their hearings so that I can see what will
be expected of me and how the process works.  I am still not for
representing myself, but will not be able to get on with my life
until I get some type of resolution to this.

   One note suggested that I cut off support.  Unfortunately, she
would not even know if I did as she sent me a letter telling me
to deposit the money in a savings account at a local bank.  I believe
she is not using this money as she has plenty of her own.  She
probably doesn't even check the balance as I had paid the support
to her regularly before she left.  Further, I could not recommend
this to anyone in NH because the states explicitely that support
and visitation have no relationship.

Some advice I would offer to myself if I had to go through this
again is:

  Find out what your rights are especially if you have an attorney.
  You'll need to know so he/she can't convince you to give up those
  rights.

   As I re-read my original note, I see that it really sounded like
I was feeling sorry for myself.  I didn't mean for it to be that way.
I just needed to blow off some steam.

Gary