Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    As a woman attorney, I'd say "no".  I think that the most effective
    attorney for you will be the attorney that -- all other things being
    equal -- you are most comfortable dealing with.  Interview 4-5
    attorneys, male and female, before you make a decision.  Then pick the
    person you feel that a) you can work with and b) you feel will really
    look after you interests.
    
    Polly 

    I will second Polly's vote. If your son was of the tender age, then you
    would be advised to go for a woman lawyer. And yes, if your a man, it
    does make a differnce. Its so that if you ex gets a woman lawyer its
    not the men agianst the women in the court house. And that can be a
    real problem. I faced that when I went in for a temp custody order, of
    which I lost, but got alot of things out of it that I would not had
    I had a man lawyer. Or at least I was led to believe. 
    
    	The ex's lawyer went into the 'Modona with a child
    act' and my attorney blew away those issues for she and I were on the 
    same wave length. If you get a woman who is a stonch womans lawyer, you
    giving money away. Find an older woman who has an older value set vs
    a younger on whose value set is too liberal. 
    
    
    Good Luck and Marriage is a great instution! I want to go for it agian.
    In 100 years from now. :-)
    
    
    George

       I had a very difficult (acrimonious is the term the lawyer used
       to describe it to the judge) divorce.  I started out with a male
       lawyer, and after 5 months switched to a female lawyer for the
       remaining 15 months.  I chose both lawyers based on my perception
       of their individual talent and willingness to negotiate ...
       instead of fight ... for custody and property.  It was only
       coincidence that lead to one male and one female.

       My second was no more or less effective than the first, at
       getting what I wanted, or protecting me from ludicrous events

           1st lawyer example:
               5 weeks to have ex return my terminal and modem, taken
               by her to prevent me from working at home.  No charges
               filed against her.

           2nd lawyer example:
               Contempt of court motion filed against me because I
               wouldn't let ex open my mail.  Motion withdrawn after
               1-2 hours of lawyers bickering at $100/hr.

       I felt that the woman was easier for me to deal with personally,
       but she had no beneficial effect on the judge in my attempts to
       gain custody.  I think lawyers have their own opinion on how the
       case should come out, and that's the goal they work towards,
       regardless of what they tell you.

       My second lawyer (the woman) told me an interesting story once,
       that really had me thinking about the inner workings of the
       system.  She was representing a woman in front of this judge.
       She filed the child support and alimony request according the
       official guidelines.
       
          The judge said "This is 90% of the man's take home pay!
                          Is that what your client wants?"
       
          she (my lawyer) said "I just filled the form out according to
                          the  official guidelines."
       
       Two days later, she is before the same judge, on a different
       divorce case, only this time, she is representing the man.  Before
       the judge reads any of the papers he says to her "Are you
       offering 90% of your client's take home pay?".  This time she
       didn't answer.

       I agree with .1, interview several, choose one you're comfortable
       will represent you well, and hope for the best.


       Good Luck,
       Richard

    IMHO, a professional women is more likely to be effective for the
    following reasons:
    
    a)  The professional schools tend to be mail dominated (even today), so
        a woman must be more competent than the average male.
    b)  In the legal profession, these women are often not only competent, 
        but very aggressive.
    c)  In divorce and custody cases (as in much of life), appearances can
        make a difference and I, for one, do not see how it can help my
        to have it appear that a couple of big, mean, nasty ole men are
        ganging up on some poor, helpless, sweet female.  
    d)  And, personally, I get along better with women (in general) than 
        with men (I think this has to do with many men having a need to 
        compete in everything.  I do not need a lawyer competing with me)
    
    Beyond that, you need to determine that you CAN work with the
    individual and the s/he is likely to be effective, 'cause when you swim
    with the sharks ....

    .4 I like what you said! Execpt that not all women lawyers are
    competent. Nor are all men lawyers all competent. And this is where you
    gotta watch the waters that you swim in. I agree with going with the
    women lawyer in general. The other thing is that I found my attorney
    was a known in the town as the tigress. When she spoke her voice filled
    every corner of the court. And the opposings camps attorney, a woman
    laywer, could barely be heard. 

    I found that there is no set age in Colorado for the court to 
    listen to the wishes of your son.  It will likely depend on the
    "level of maturity" of your son and his willingness and ability
    to talk to the court.  May want to check into a guardian ad-litem.
    fred();

    Thanks all.
    
    -1
    
    I've heard that too about no set age, Fred.  What I was told was no
    surprise.... that as they approach their teens, and progress through
    them... that my chances get better all the time.  I expected that much.
    
    My son is pretty mature for nearly 12.  He's MUCH further along than I
    was when I was 12.  I think the divorce forced him to grow up a lot
    faster.  He's been a latch-key child since age 8, and was given much
    responsibility.  I've missed him for the past 6 years.  I need him
    back.  I've waited 6 years to get the chance at having my son back with
    me.  He's waited too.
    
    Even if I don't win... I'll continue to try, year after year.  I've got
    to get started...
    
    db