Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    
    re: .last
    
    Can she attach his wages?  Most certainly.  Nowadays the judges will
    attach the wages if the woman even suspects there may be a problem.  If
    there has been any arrearage in the past, you can be sure the judge
    will find in her favour.
    
    Can she expect him to pay the child's medical expenses?  Surely. 
    That's pretty much a standard nowadays.  I know I'm required to carry
    my ex-wife and kids on my Digital insurance, and pay anything not
    covered, even over and above the weekly support.
    
    Being from out of state, she doesn't need to appear, just to send a
    representative to argue her case.  It's better if she's present, bbut a
    judge will take into consideration the distance problem.
    
    re: not paying support while child is visiting - I doubt it will work. 
    The judges assume the custodial parent still has financial obligations
    to insure the permanent home for the dependent child.  I'd bet the
    custodial parent will have to agree to this, and voluntarily send the
    support checks back.  I wish him a lot of luck on this one, but don't
    hold your breath.
    
    McQ
    

    Do you know if she filedfor a Uniform Reciprocal Agreement through the
    NY courts?  In tha case, she would not have to show or be represented
    in the matter here.  

    
    
    Polly,
    
    I know that on the documentation that came with his summons to appear
    in court that everything was filed with the Family Court of NY.  
    
    So if this is what you stated, then she does not have to show or
    even be represented.  I do not understand this.  How could this
    issue be resolved with the judge only hearing from one side at
    a time?  Doesnt seem like it would accomplish anything.
    
    But then again, how can she refute what he is saying in court if
    she is not there or a representative of hers is not there?  He can
    refute her charges with copies of cancelled checks.  
    
    Is this something she can do in future situations?  Can this be
    done with respect to custody and visitation as well or is it only
    in the case of child support?  
    
    
    Also, the child was born in Mass.  I was under the impression that
    all of the legal proceedings must take place in Mass courts.  How is
    it that she can start legal proceedings in the NY courts or through
    the NY courts?  
    
    Michele

    re -1 Michele
    
    You've hit on what is another of the lop-sided features of
    child-support/custody-visitation.
    
    It has been my experience that you can be hauled into court for child
    support *whenever* there is a "change in circumstance".  Visitation
    can be modified whenever, but a request for change of custody can only
    be requested once every two years unless there are some *very*
    extinuating circumstances.
    
    fred();

    
    Fred,
    
    Agreed!!!  However, John's lawyer seems to think that in this case
    all of this will be lumped into one court date.  This is partly due
    to the fact that she will have to be present for the court date to
    discuss the custody/visitation modifications.  I still think that 
    this will most likely not happen, but who knows we may get lucky.
    Also, the child support garbage is with the Malden court and the
    other stuff was filed with the court in Boston.  
    
    I am wondering though if there is any way she can have all of
    this transferred to the NY state courts as that is where the
    child has been residing for the past year plus.  Can this
    take place?  Or does the entire matter still have to be played
    out in the Mass state courts due to the fact that this is the
    original birth place of the child?
    
    Michele

    According to my understanding of the jurisdiction issue, after the
    child has resided in a new state for over six months, jurisdiction can
    be moved (and usually is moved) to that state.  If the original
    agreement was settled in Mass. then the Mass courts "can" be used
    unless she has filed for a change.

    re.5. Juisdiction
    
    I think this one may depend more on the Judge and how good your
    lawyer is.  My Ex tried twice to get jurisdiction transferred to 
    Minnesota. She was unsuccessful both times (thank God).
    
    fred();

    
    
    Well yesterday we went into court.  Things went very very well.
    The judge did not attach his wages because John told him that he
    has been paying her each week the regular amount plus extra to
    cover the arrears.  The amount of arrears was argued about, but
    was reduced a bit down to what he thought he owed her vs what she
    had submitted to the court.
    
    Also, she requested he pay for her uninsured medical costs which was
    denied by the DOR person and lawyer due to the fact that it was 
    never paid for by John previously.  So all in all he did very well.
    The only thing that has changed is that he will be making the checks
    out to DOR instead of her.  All of the checks will be processed
    through DOR.
    
    He also told the judge that he is routinely denied visitation and the
    judge asked him why he was waiting to do something about it.  So
    tonight he meets with his lawyer to file the necessary documents
    with the court Thursday and have her served with papers on friday.
    The judge said that if she was indeed violating the temporary agreement
    that he should be allowed full custody of Erin.  The problem is that
    this judge is in Malden and his case is in Boston.  But things look
    promising.
    
    Just wanted to let everyone know how we did.
    
    Michele

    Michele,
    
    	Careful of DOR. These folks get credit as sales people would for
    all the dollars they collect through their org. The problem comes when
    you have lost a job and the wheels grind on and they will toss you into
    prison for non payment. Alis Detors Prision. Something that was done
    away with I thought!
    
    George

    re .8 Michelle
    
    Congrats!!  Hang in there.  One positive point about paying the 
    "support" through the DOR is that there is *definate* record of
    what's been paid and thay can't come hastle you for non payment
    when you have already paid. Hope things continue to go will 
    for you, John and especially Erin.
    
    fred();

    Ditto! Good luck. Sorry to sound negi on .9!

    RE: PAYING THRU DOR
    
    Just this past summer, the DOR ran out of money (Mass. is BROKE,
    remember) and THEY said they could not afford to buy STAMPS and as a
    result they SAT ON SUPPORT PAYMENTS THEY HAD RECEIVED and did not
    forward them to the custodial parents for several days!!!!
    
    I've never heard of this problem in any other state, but, it sure did
    happen here!
    
    tony

    The man whose child has $60K in the bank is recieving her child support
    checks still!!!

    .9
    
    Sorry but I have to disagree with if you dont pay they put you in jail.
    My X is 3 weeks in the arrears and was 2 weeks in the arrears even
    after they started attaching his pay.  All you have to do is move from
    job to job every two months and you dont have to pay.  He also owes me
    for one and a half years from before and they are not doing anything
    about it.
    
    
    Della

    Della,
    
    	If he owes yha, you can prove it. Take him to court. I have seen
    many a man go to the pokie for not paying. Some even falsely accused of
    not paying. There are "Dead Beat Dads" programs, no "Dead Beat Moms".
    There are women suport groups that many NCP men do not have if they are
    in trouble. 
    
    	My thoughts, if he is a dead beat. Get proof, ON PAPER only. As in 
    do your homework. March into your local DOR, and have him arrested for
    not paying. If he is a migrant man, get a 1040 report that he fills
    out from the IRS via interog's. Or supina the stuff. Cost money to go
    after him? Either hang around some of the fathers suport groups like I
    am with or get in with your womans networking and go for it. 
    
    	I have a brother-out-law, no I am not realated to the fool anymore,
    who is doing the same thing. His ex is bouncing on his brains with 
    taking him back every time game. As in, he doesn't pay, drag him in,
    he still doesn't pay, drag him back in. After a couple of times like
    this the judge/marrital master gets miffed at the fool. Then things
    start happening to him that he wished he had never thought ever would.
    Case in point, the lad in question was taken to the big house for a
    couple of days. Got his hearing, got a lawyer, shows up and the judges
    throws him back for he got a lawyer and if he has a lawyer how come
    he cannot pay you? This went of for a couple of months, the lad is
    paying like a good boy, was one of those dads that dropped in to see
    the kids when he felt good a ready. Weeeelll! He is the best daddy I
    have ever seen! He has seen the light, got a job, picks up the kids,
    takes them places and such. And is a respected man agian. 
    Even got his substance abuse corrected. AMAZING AINT IT!:)))
    
    
    

    re.16  last paragraph
    
    glad to hear it.  My ex was the same way.  After the divorce, he
    purposely quit jobs, moved around in order to avoid paying child
    support.  He was pissed at me, so this was his revenge, as I'm sure
    are others.
    
    Anyway, 4+/- years later, we have a brief encounter, he sees the
    kids, wishes us all well and from then on, sends us some child support
    every single week.  By this time, he had gotten over the divorce
    and I guess he admitted his responsibility, I really don't know.
    
    Without going into detail, the best thing the CPs can do, I guess
    is keep pursuing inn court.  Takes a long time.  I've filed before.
    It worked until I moved out of the state.  Then I filed again in
    the new state, 'cause he quit paying, but the state never found
    him.  This state has too large a case load.  I didn't want to spend
    the bucks to do it privately  and since then, everything in our
    lives has changed anyway.
    
    I guess when these kids, that get the raw deal, reach 18, they can
    go for those back payments then.  It'll come in handy then too.
     If in fact, these parents have any money then. 

    Based on some of the comments here and personal experience, I'd guess
    that getting help from the DOR, district attorney, court, state, or any
    other official entity varies from state to state.  It might be more
    helpful if people recounting their experiences would identify where
    they are located.
    
    Thanks.
    Karen

    re .17
    
    The thing that an non paying NCP doesn't realise is that a child is an
    adult more of his life than he is a minor child. Hence, if the non
    paying NCP doesn't pay, doesn't see their offspring, there is a good
    chance that they will miss out not only on the growing up part, but the
    fact that there is a bonding of aduld child and parent that they will
    miss out on for the rest of thier lives.
    
    On other thing to bring up. I have been writing in the mens notes in
    reguards to the horra's of the courts. A man in the note that
    has custody of his daughter, after a long battle over custody in
    courts, was not getting child suport from the dead beat mother.
    She was taking vacations to Arizona from New England, she was taking
    karata lessons, got a new set of threads/cloths, contacts, etc.
    But cannot pay child suport, help with buying the daughter cloths(?),
    cannot help pay for her eye glasses(?), and quit a $40,000 a year
    job(!) because she wanted a life change(!)...... WEll she has to
    now pay $44 per week, and has to pay for her own attorny bills.
    This woman had three children by three different
    marriages/relationships. When mom threw out our man, he slept in a
    cellar, then got thrown out of there. Was able to work a second job,
    got a little ahead to rent a room, then got back on his feet. While
    still paying child suport/alimony to his ex (mom)..... Sounds wild�
    Sounds like this is a good piece of fiction? Gotta tell yha! I isnt!

    re.19 first paragraph
    
    You can say that again.  My own parents split when I was 9.  I have
    3 younger sisters.  We never saw Dad, or his support in any way,
    until 17 years later.  Well, it was too late to reestablish any
    sort of connection for us.  I'll never understand him, even though
    I do love him in some sort of way, but I lack respect for this man
    to this day.        
    
    I did learn something from this though.  With my own children, after
    my divorce, although their dad lost visitation priviledges based
    on things that I'll not mention, I knew that after our kids reached
    an elementary school age, they'd be contact with their dad in some
    way.  I'd have called their dad, which I did 5 yrs. after our divorce.
     The story since then has been good, and I've learned that a simple
    talk can do so much.
    
    I never "brainwashed" our kids.  I never needed their support in
    siding with me.  We spoke of their dad whenever they brought it
    up.  I didn't want them to experience what I had nor did I want
    their father to loose the precious persons he helped bring into
    this world so willingly.        So far, we've been just lucky.
    
    But going back to NCPs, as an adult now, I wonder how my dad could
    just off and not worry how we were getting along.  I could have
    needed him.