| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 111.1 | | RDVAX::COLLIER | Bruce Collier | Mon Jan 21 1991 09:31 | 16 |
| It is not clear to me if you are talking about legal or physical custody, or
perhaps both. It is also not clear whether you are now trying to achieve
joint physical custody, or if you are looking for sole (or primary) physical
custody for yourself.
It would surely be easier to get her to give up half custody, rather than all
custody, though her wanting to live at some distance complicates this, of
course. If she isn't willing to compromise, I don't know which alternative
the court might prefer, though it would presumably find keeping them in their
current school system a positive factor (of course, it _ought_ to favored
shared physical custody, but it is still rather unconventional).
Best wishes with this painful problem. I hope you have a skilled and
knowledgeable lawyer.
- Bruce
|
| 111.2 | life s..ks, then you live | BENONI::JIMC | illegitimi non insectus | Mon Jan 21 1991 09:42 | 22 |
| I do not have any REAL advice to offer. I can only say that
I do know how it feels to be excluded from my childrens lives.
Now that my youngest daughter is back with me, I am enjoying (despite
the marital strife it is causing) the opportunity to work with and help
her.
It sounds to me like your soon-to-be-ex knows exactly how to make you
suffer, and I'd be willing to bet that she is only getting warmed up.
Sorry, I hate to be so negative, but, forewarned is forearmed
sometimes. The 15 year old is old enough to decide who to live with
but I would caution you about exerting pressure. If the 15 year
expresses a desire to live with you, support it, otherwise tread
cautiously. The wishes of the eleven year old might be, al the least,
considered, but again, please try to refrain from exerting pressure.
As has been mentioned in other notes by people who were once the child
victims of such battles, pressure just makes it worse because they
often do not want to reject either parent (and rightly so).
Good luck, I hope someone can offer you useful info. I wish you the
best and wish I had more to offer.
jimc
|
| 111.3 | try to bring in more info | LUNER::MACKINNON | | Tue Jan 22 1991 11:47 | 19 |
|
Sean,
There is a law that requires the courts permission for one spouse (ex)
to physically move the children out of state. My boyfriend had this
work against him. His ex(never married) decided she wanted to move
back home (parent's house in upper new york state) to go to school.
From my understanding, the state will allow her to leave if it is for
educational purpopses that require her to move out of state. If she
has not given enough sound reason to move out of state, she may have
a tough time leaving. I have some papers on this at home. I will try
to remember to bring them in (if I am in here tommorow -- battling a
hellish cold!!) tommorow and write more for you.
Hang in there, your kids need you as much as you need them!!!
Michele
|
| 111.4 | $0.02 | CSC32::HADDOCK | All Irk and No Pay | Tue Jan 22 1991 12:33 | 12 |
| Sean,
It has been my understanding that the court will allow the custodial
parent (CP) to move out of state if "it will improve the livelyhood
of the child". Ie. for educational purposes, to take a job offer
or to take a better paying job offer, or better living conditions.
If your ex is not changing jobs and cannot make a good case for
being allowed to move otherwise, then you may have a chance.
Otherwise...well..good luck.
fred();
|
| 111.5 | add my $.02 = .04 | POCUS::NORDELL | | Thu Jan 24 1991 08:42 | 19 |
| Welcome to this conference. When my husband and I were divorced we had
written in our agreement that NEITHER of us would move more than a 50
mile radius of the marital home without the others permission. This
gave both of us a comfort level that the other would be around for our
daughter. Perhaps if you were to give the same commitment (not to move
"X" amount of miles away) she would see it as an effort to compromise.
Granted, if you have read any of my other notes in this conference, we
were the exception rather than the rule when messy divorces were handed
out. We were (and still are) extremely conciliatory. Our first
concern is our daughter. To me, a husband who has been as involved in
parenting as you have been is an asset I would not want to lose and
just because you are divorcing doesn't mean the children should lose
such a caring parent.
Good luck and don't beat yourself up, we are here to support you.
Susan
|
| 111.6 | Cooling off ? | TROA01::GRAYSON | | Fri Jan 25 1991 11:58 | 32 |
|
I have just found this conference and would like to add my comments,
as lame as they may be (Canadian law and all).
In our legal system ALL things funnel down to what is best for the
children, esp. in Health, Education , and General Welfare.
Agreements that are signed for contractual purposes have "cooling off"
periods attached to them (sounds just like what you need to emphisise)!
I may be letting myself in for abuse - I did obtain custody after a
long, expensive, and ugly battle. One I was not prepared for or even
one I wanted. Please make sure that you convince your lawyer of your
story and he will do his work - don't think that without his/her
support the facts will take care of themselves.
The fact that your kids think you are not "fighting" for them (I may be
paraphrasing) for them is distressing and your efforts need to be
directed to them at this very difficult time.
Know that you are not alone in this and that many people have gone
through the binders and survived...
I never thought I would be saying (typing) this , but after all the
SCUDS of the Lawyers - my Ex and I had a wonderful talk just last
night!
Focus on what your overall goals should be and go for them - legal,
physical or emotional!
Good Luck
Bruce Grayson - 3 years later
|
| 111.7 | Yet more thoughts | TROA01::GRAYSON | | Fri Jan 25 1991 12:09 | 23 |
|
Just reread your note and two more things hit me - so here goes.
Since most of my reading material on this matter comes from the US my
impression is that YOU and your wife are currently in a Joint custody
position, as is anyone who is not divorced and happily married. She has
no more rights to movr the children than you (or vice versa).
Both of you could move out of state, country, right now and take the
kids (unless there are any court orders outstanding that would forbid
this).
Sorry to be glum and ***I may be wrong*** check with your lawyer.
Remember - you did not shoot yourself in the foot - you were, and are,
under enormous pressures (unless you like this sort of thing).
Perhaps someone in your state would like to comment?
Bruce Grayson
London Ontario
|