Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

87.0. "Going for full custody" by BPOV06::MACKINNON (ProChoice is a form of democracy) Wed Sep 19 1990 10:15

    
    
    Well it looks like John is finally going to go for full custody of
    Erin.  This past weekend she came up for her visit.  In her suitcase
    he found a soccer schedule which he nothing about.  Of course all
    of the games are on the weekends which is a direct violation of 
    the visitation schedule.  
    
    
    He is fed up.  They both have joint legal custody, but mom has full
    physical custody.  She was allowed to leave Mass one year ago this
    month by the court.  Her reasons for leaving were 1. could no longer
    afford to live in Mass, and 2. wanted to go to school in New York.
    Well one year has passed and she is still living with her parents,
    and she has not even bothered to sign up for a class.
    
    She has not been following the court agreement at all.  He has 
    nearly paid all of the back support he owes her (he was laid off
    and was not working for 6 months).  He would like to have her
    move back to Mass and get as much if not more of the visitation
    that he once had when she lived in Mass.  Since this is supposedly
    an unrealistic thing to ask, his lawyer has deemed that the best
    thing to do is to seek full custody on the grounds that she is
    in direct violation on every point of the court agreement.
    
    Since he was awarded full custody when she left him and took Erin
    without even telling him, the chances of him being awarded it again
    are very good.  (He relinquised custody back to her at the time because
    his mom was dying from cancer and he did not want to shuttle his
    daughter back and forth to New York every weekend thinking his mom
    was dying.)  
    
    Are there any folks out here who have got full custody on similar
    grounds?  If so, what worked for you and what should be avoided?
    
    He clearly has the point of the schooling all set.  I am concerned
    about the living expense thing, especially with the state of economy
    in Mass.  She is a secretary and could easily get a job.  When she
    left she was living in a two bedroom apartment in Malden for
    $725/month.  John and I are currently living in a three bedroom
    apartment in Malden for the same amount of money.  Should he
    include any copies of realestate ads in the court briefing?
    
    
    Also, according to how joint legal custody works, she only has to
    hear his opinions on things but she does not have to take action
    on them.  Is this true?  
    
    
    This is so tough for the both of us.  He does not want to take Erin
    away from her mom, but Erin has been very unhappy the last few times
    she has been with us.  I do not know what is going on at her Mom's
    house, but it is definately having a negative affect on her.  Both
    John and Eileen were invited to a Christening party this past Sunday.
    They were going to make the exchange at the party.  Apparantly Erin
    started a scene in the middle of the party about how she did not
    want to go to Mommy's house.  Mommy was making her play soccer even
    though she does not like it.  John was trying to calm her down, and
    Eileen pushed him away from her yelling that he was not helping her
    any.  Great sh*t to pull infront of the kid!!
    
    The frequency of these scenes has been steadily increasing.  
    But when we ask her about it she just says that she wants to stay
    at Daddy's house instead of Mommy's.  No concrete reasons are
    given.  She is only four so we really can't get a handle on her
    reasons for wanting to stay with Daddy.  Of course no discussion
    is taking place between Mom and Dad cause she just hangs up the
    phone when he calls.  
    
    Has anyone tried to get custody with the new Shared Custody law?
    
    Any advice will be appreciated.
    
    Michele

    Michele,
    
    One of the reasons that I was given custody of my children was that
    the situation with their mother "impaired the emotional development"
    of the children.  Document Erin's outbursts and requests and try
    to find out more about what is causing them.
    
    fred();