Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

52.0. "Happy moments do come to those who wait" by CSC32::K_JACKSON (Better living through alchemy!) Tue May 01 1990 12:07

  Well, after being gone for five weeks I have returned!  I should report
that everything went GREAT while in Chicago.  My daughter is out of the 
hospital and will be moving out here with me as soon as school is out.  

This was her decision to stay until school was out.  At first, she wanted
to get out here right away but after talking with her and having her realize
that she would be running away from some of her fears, it would be best
that she work on them, one day at a time.  This way should could gain her
mother's trust back because she had ruined that with all of the lying she
did.

She and her mother were really going at each other when I first arrived.
She refused to speak with her counselors or my ex until she was able to
talk with me.  After the first couple of days, she really started opening
up her heart to everyone.  

She had alot of hurt built up in her.  Our divorce, my moving out here,
the slams her mother would direct at me, my ex not listening to her when
she needed to talk (only at my ex's convience), not knowing she could
call me and talk because she felt I would have the same reaction.  She
felt that she could only talk with someone in the same position that she
was in so that is were the boyfriend came into play.  His situation is
almost identical to my daughters.  (Sabrina made a decision to postpone
dating until she can get her act together so she broke up with her
boyfriend while I was there).

She felt that her mother placed to much responsibility on her by being
a second mother for my other daughter Jennifer who is 11.  She would have 
to make sure that Jennifer ate, dressed, went to school, did her homework, 
etc., etc., etc.  

Other things that was discovered while I was back there, was my ex said
that she is still in love with me and still cares alot about me.  She
has also found out that she has manic depression and has had it for 
several years now.  She still has no close friends that she can talk
with but she is working on that.  She understands that I have started
over a new life and I DO CARE FOR MY DAUGHTERS even though I have another
daughter by my current marriage.  She said that her biggest fears is
that I would forget my daughters by our marriage so that is why she
is always in my face doing something to irritate me.

I could go on and on but now is not the time.  The major thing to say
is that my ex and I are on good talking terms and can work out terms
and agreements without scratching out each others eyeballs, my daughters
and I have grown much closer together, and most of all, I have learned
alot from this experience plus I realize how much of their lives I 
have missed due to them not living with me.  Jennifer is considering
moving out here sometime next year so she can be close to me and 
and see what it's like to have a father full time.

I'm sure more of my experience will come out as I continue noting
here.  I just want to thank everyone who has said prayers for me
and thank each and everyone of you for your support.  It just goes
to show that things can change, if all parties are willing to 
sit down and listen to each other.

Thanks again and God Bless,


Kenn


P.S.,   One of these days, I will combine all of my entries dealing with
this ordeal, but right now, I'm enjoying my serenity.

P.S.S.,  Boy oh boy do I have alot of catching up to the noting here.  
I've read some and I have some comments on them.  Oh well, as they say, 
"Better late than never!".

    Alright Kenn!!!!
    
    Sounds like some deep feelings came out from everybody.
    
    Manic depression can explain a lot of things about your ex.  Do
    you know what her Dr. says?  Sometimes the cure is a very simple
    lithium (sp) prescription (I think . . . I'm no expert but knew
    a manic depressive).
    
    Congrats and continued love to your family.
    
    
    			   John

    This is so great!!!!!!!
    
    Everytime I logged into this conference I was hoping to hear about
    your "ordeal".  It sounds like progress at its best.  I know everyone
    (including your ex) will look back on this time and be grateful for
    your efforts.  What a guy!  What a guy!
    
    Prayers do get answered.
    
    Susan
    

    
    Well, congrats Kenn!  Glad to hear things are working out well.
    That's definitely good news.
    
    McQ
    

    glad you're back, kenn...and especially with the new circumstances.
    
    just last night, i was discussing you with my wife..wondering how and
    where you were.  (didn't realize you were gonna be gone FIVE
    weeks!)(my, how time flies when you're having FUN!)
    
    
    TONY

  It's good to be back, especially with much more light at the end of
the tunnel.  I didn't expect to be gone that long either but it was 
definitely worth ever bit of it.  I should say that there was some time
involved where I had to "find" myself in there.  Like I mentioned, there
were alot of things that came out of the meetings, some things about me
I didn't even realize effected my ex or my daughters.  After all, I am
by far an angel.

I will admit, I'm a workaholic so there were times that I didn't take
time out with the family, because I was always under various deadlines
for various projects.  Since I was on a Corp. Sys. Team I wanted to 
further my career so that my ex and daughters could have things that I
didn't have. (Yes, I came from a poverty stricten family).  During those
times on trying to start a career, it was very easy to get caught up
in that scenario.  Unfortunately, there wasn't any communication between
us because my ex knew my job was very important to me but she didn't
realize that my family was important to me and the job was second.  But
in order to "show" how important they were to me, I would spoil them 
with money and material things.  You might say, that I was never able 
to say no to a project, "only", because it meant a step further up
the ladder and better things for them.  (Hope this all makes sense?!)

To boil it down, I guess you can honestly say, it's hell trying to
balance your careers between family life and vice versa and still
find time to yourself.

I will finish just by saying, "Boy, did I find out things about 
myself!!!!"

Caio,
Kenn

And oh yea, she is on lithium....  (Just answering the previous ??)

Once again, it's great to be back and noting with sincere and caring
individuals...  Missed you all and WELCOME to all of the new noters.