Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    The same situation happenned to me almost EXACTLY.  I filed a contempt
    for denial of visitation, and my ex- ran into Cambridge and told
    the court that I was a lunatic and should not be allowed to see
    the children.
    
    My recommendation is to continue through with the contempt charge,
    and explain the situation in court.  Initially, all contempt cases
    are dealt with by a Family Services mediator prior to going before
    the judge (not optional).  If the Family Services person agrees
    with the plaintiff, s/he will recommend that the offending party
    allow the visitation.  If not, then I believe the court will recommend
    a family appraisal, either by the court itself, or if the parties
    are willing to foot the bill, then by an outside counseling firm.
     I'd opt (did opt) for the second choice, as if it is left to the
    courts then it could take several months to get scheduled.  I urged
    the persoanl firm route, and asked that my ex- pay half the cost.
     She refused, so I did go in front of the judge on that part.  The
    judge agreed that she would have to pay half of the costs, since
    it was her allegation that caused the problem in the first place.
    
    Once an evaluation is done, then a report will be filed with the
    court.  Presumably, the counseling firm will find nothing wrong,
    and the judge will then order visitation be reinstated, although
    the custodial parent will undoubtedly be allowed to voice her needs
    as well, such as having the weekends modified.
    
    	I know it's a pain in the tail, but that's the way it goes here
    in the Peoples Republic of Mass.
    
    McQ
    

    I certainly can vouch for the contents of this note and must also add
    that I think it is without a doubt a definite area that needs to be
    addressed. I really would like to know why restraining orders can be
    filed and served without any investigation conducted. Now we have a
    dedicated father who will not see his sons this weekend (and
    incidently- it is his weekend) because an unfounded accusation was made
    against him. 
    
    I certainly know how this father feels.   HOW ??????
    
    I am the NCP that was with him durring the alledged  accusations....
    
    
     
    
    

    Just a thought.  I don't know for sure--but:
    
    Have him check with the D.A's office about filing a complaint
    against her for filing a false police report.  D.A.s generally
    take a dim view of filing false reports.  She may also be in
    line for a Civil suite for slander.
    
    fred();

    
    I really cannot believe what I am reading.  If I were that NCP,
    I would be outraged, which I am sure he is.  I cannot believe these
    custodial parents (mostly woman) can, or have the gaul, to get in
    the way of visitation.  I would love for my daughters father to
    take my daughter for the weekend, a day, or even an hour!!  These 
    custodial parents don't know how lucky they are to have someone 
    who loves thier child(ren) take them for a weekend/day/night.  
    
    Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter to death, but sometimes I
    need a break.  It also makes me sick that these custodial parents
    can use the court system like this . . . . it is a waste of the
    taxpayers money.  I can't wait for the day when the laws are just
    as fair for the non-custodial parent as they are for the custodial
    parent.                    
    
    Unbelievable . . .
    
    Debby
    ( a custodial parent )
    

    Fred, 
    
      I like your suggestions, and I shall look into them.
    
    Debbie, 
    
      Thank you for the words of support.  Thank you all.  But, Debbie,
    why wait for the laws to change.  Re-edit your letter, extract the 
    base note (with permission) and send it to a local paper and cc it
    to your local represenative. I and my organization of Non-custodial
    parents are doing this and other things to change these laws.  YOU
    count too, so cast your vote.
    
      And yes, I am indeed the subject of discussion in this string.
    
                                  Ron

    FWIW, this particular scenario also happens on this side of the
    lake...
    My ex filed a complaint that I was trying to break into the house
    and the only way she could protect the children was to run, carrying
    the children, down the street at 2am.  Me, I was tucked up in bed
    about 30 miles away with a somewhat biased witness ;-)
    I'm no Olympic sprinter but even I could catch a woman carrying
    a 5 year old and 3 year old.
    
    Incidentally, I think I've written this elsewhere but my ex insists
    that the only way I can see the children is without my wife being
    present, and at my ex-in laws house with my ex and all her family.
    I am not allowed to take them out anywhere without my ex being present.
    Whoops, got a bit carried away but I'll leave it - I feel a little
    better now.
    
    If only my ex had Debbie's attitude.......oh well.

    jeeeez, i HATE that!  my ex *also* insists the only time my kids will
    visit is if SHE "approves" of my new wife, or if my new wife is not
    present.  it'll be a cold day in (you know where) before that happens.
    
    and, of course, the kids go along with her (for now).
    
    tony

    
    
    Re the last few
    
    Is there anything legally that the custodial parent can do to 
    prevent the wife from being present?  
    
    John's ex has continually told him that she does not want me
    around Erin.  She is aware that we live together and to date
    has not taken any action that we are aware of on it.  But
    I still keep waiting for the day I am served with a restraining
    order to keep away from the child.
    
    Anyone know?  In the divorce situations, is it something that 
    can be written into the divorce decree? 
    
    Michele

    
    Michelle,
    
    > Is there anything legally that the custodial parent can do to
    > prevent the wife from being present?
    
    In Massachusetts, if my ex to remarry or find a new girlfriend, I would
    probably be well within my legal rights if I wanted to prevent her from 
    seeing my son.  Why?  Because the way his visitation rights are written,
    he is not allowed to remove my son from my home unless accompanied by me.
    His visits must be supervised by either myself or someone appointed by me. 
    
    This means that for him to have someone else present during his visits
    I have to be willing to allow them into my home.  Since I'm not obligated
    to have anyone other than him in my home, the law protects me.
    
    I'm also protected because the divorce decree was written to allow HIM,
    no one else, visitation rights. 
    
    As a rule, I wouldn't do this.  The only way I would is if it interfered
    with his time with our son.  We frequently go off together so that they
    do have time together outside the confines of my home.  I think it's
    important my son have the chance to build a good relationship with his 
    daddy.  Thankfully, the ex and I are on very good terms.
    
    - Beckie

    
    
    re -1
    
    That is fine if it is written in the decree.  However, what is
    the case if the parents were never married and it is not specifically
    written into the agreement on custody and visitation?

    re -1. 
    
    If it is not written in the decree, and she prevents the children
    from visiting, she is in contempt of court.
    
    fred();

    Re-.9
        I can only assume( which I don't like to do) that you have very
    good reasons for being so strict with the visitation. YOur child can;t
    possibly have a full realationship with the father under this
    situation, 
               This is from a custodial mother who has good reason to be
    bitter but for my daughter I'm not.