Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    Hi,
    
    This happens every year. My ex always goes to court, gets their
    permission and usually manages to pass the costs to me because I'm
    unreasonable in not replying.
    She writes,"We are going on holiday to America in 1995 can I have
    your permission". I ask for more details, by which time she is in
    court!
    Whta would your ex do if you specified the same conditions for her trips
    out of town. 
    Don't give her the satisfaction of being able to tell your children
    you let them down. If she's like my first, she'll do it at every
    opportunity. She'll even make up a few stories around the issue,
    my ex does.       
    
    Good luck,
    Dave

   If you live in the same state and better yet, in the same town, you
   can file on your own a "Petition for Rule to Show Cause".  This basically
   states that your ex is giving you trouble since she agreed to 
   allow the children to go on vacation.  If it is in the divorce decree
   that you are allowed 1 week on uninterupted visitation and you
   have already made reservations and they can not be changed due to
   possible monetary loss, then she could be held in contempt of court.

   That's what the petition is about.  Go to your nearest law library
   and they should have the form.  Fill it out and go down to the
   court house to the county clerks office.  Tell them that you are
   representing yourself "Pro Se" and that you want to file a petition.

   They will record it and set up a court date.  They may not be able
   to give you the exact date at that time, but you can call down there
   later to find out the date.

   Once you do this, mail a registered copy to your ex and her lawyer.
   When they get it, she may scream and holler but at this point you
   have nothing to lose.  She does.  She will have to pay attorney 
   fees to respond or her attorney may tell her she better comply
   or she could be found in wilful contempt.

   Contents of the petition should include the date the court ordered
   visitation and the terms of the visitation.  Also state the date
   and any relative factors of the denial of visitation.  In this 
   case, she is setting conditions which have not been required by
   law.  Everything should be brief and to the point.  Don't bring
   up anything that has happened before unless it's relevent to
   this current situation.

   If she does not show up thinking it's a joke, then you will most
   likely be successful.  Don't let her attorney bully you around
   since you will be represented "pro se".  That makes it worse since
   they know your not going to bend.  Go into court with a professional
   and caring attitude toward your children.  Just state what has
   has taken place and what you want exactly.  Don't bring up past
   experiences with her because they don't want to hear that, they
   just want to hear what has caused you to request a hearing.

   That's the best I can say from dealing with other experiences.  
   What every the out come, sit the children down and explain to
   them that a problem has cropped up that you have no control over.
   
   If they ask what problem, just tell them that you and their 
   mother can not come to terms.  DON'T go telling them that their
   mother is a b!tch and she has caused the entire mess.  Give them
   reassurance that you love them very much but it's out of your
   hands.

   I wish you the best of luck!!  If you have any more questions,
   feel free to post it or contact me offline.


   Kenn

  Here is a copy of the one I was going to serve until I found out that 
I had to serve it in person (Illinois) and not thru a third party.  You
will also have to file two more forms which I will post here.

Hope it helps.

Kenn
--------------------------------------------------------------------------


			Change the info below to 
			suit your circuit, county, and state

		IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF  THE NINETEENTH
		JUDICIAL CIRCUIT, LAKE COUNTY, ILLINOIS



IN RE:  THE MARRIAGE OF 	)
				)
your name here			)
				)
	PLAINTIFF		)			  (your divorce #)
				)
		VS.		)		CASE No.  _____________
				)
her name here			)
				)
	DEFENDANT		)
				)


		   PETITION FOR RULE TO SHOW CAUSE
		   -------------------------------


    Comes now, your name here, Plaintiff for a Petition praying this

Court order the Defendant, her name here, to show cause why she should 

not be held in wilful contempt of this Court, and states the following:


	1.  State the date the court ordered visitation and the terms
	    of visitation

	2.  State the date and relative factors of the denial of
	    of visitation

	3.  List each event in detail 

	4.  Be brief and to the point







    WHEREFORE, your full name here, Plaintiff, prays that you ex-wife name

be ordered to appear before this Court and to show why she should not be

held in contempt of court.   Furthermore, your name here, prays that

her name here, be found in willful violation of this Court's Order, and

be ordered to pay all fees incurred by your name here , and grant

your name here, further relief as this Court seems just.




					_______________________________
					YOUR NAME HERE

This form here is to be signed by you and notorized.
----------------------------------------------------



			CERTIFICATE OF SERVICE


    The undersigned hereby certifies that he caused a true copy of the 

forgoing instrument to be served upon:



	Your ex's name & address

	Her lawyer's name & address


















with postage fully prepaid, and deposited said envelope in a U.S. Post 

Office Mail Box the __________ day of ________________, 1989.

Last but not least, CERTIFICATION form.  This also has to be filed.  They
can let you know if they need anything else.  Check to find out what
Section of Civil Code applies to local jurisdiction.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

				CERTIFICATION


    Under penalties as provided by law pursuant to Section 1-109

of the Code of Civil Procedure, the undersigned swears that the 

statements set forth in the forgoing instrument are true and correct,

except as to matters therein stated to be on information and belief

and as to such matters the undersigned swears as aforesaid that he 

believes that same to be true.






________________________			______________________________
DATE						YOUR NAME HERE









You name
address
city, state, zip
phone

    JK,
    
    Since 4/2/90 is right around the corner and you don't want to get stuck
    with the tickets that can't be used, I suggest that you comply with her
    request in this way:
    
    Get a travel insurance policy for you and the kids for the duration of
    the trip ONLY with your ex as beneficiary.  You can get it at the
    airport or from a travel agent and the policy can even be mailed to her
    and kept by her.  There will be a few bucks involved, but they are not
    usually that expensive.
    
    This is an awful situation, but in order to take your trip, not
    disappoint the kids, and not let the ex "win," or lower yourself to the
    ex's level....do the travel policy.  That way you don't have to change
    your permanent policy or fool around with court stuff that is VERY
    expensive and time consuming.....4/20 is not too far away.....
    
    I've learned over the past 3 years tht you gotta be creative in these
    kinds of situations....
    
    Good luck...hope this help!
    
    Diane
                        

    
    
    	 Well I recieved a call yesterday from my daugther. She said
    that her mother has decided that they can't go on vacation with
    us to Cancun. When I asked for a reason why not she started repeating
    things that have absolutely nothing to do with the trip. Starting
    with the excuse that she does not feel comfortable with them flying
    on a plane. But the bottom line is that for the past 6 months she
    has been taking me into court to raise the support payments. And
    I recieved in the mail yesterday another "Motion Denied" on her
    motion to reconsider of a previous decision. This makes the third
    time in the past 6 months that they have ruled in my favor. So I
    get the feeling that she is tring to get even with me for not giving
    her more money by not giving her permission for the kids to go.
    I also pulled out my decree and it states that I will be granted
    one week during summer vacation so shes got me there too seems this
    trip was scheduled for spring vacation for the kids. Bottom line
    is that she has managed to pull the kids back into the fighting
    by using them as a way to get back at me. Just one differance,
    this time they know who the bad guy REALLY is.

Jim,

  Glad to have you aboard!   Sorry to see you going through the "their
not going on vacation with you" syndrome.  Your probably getting mad as
hell about it, but look alittle on the bright side.  You've already won
a couple of the battles, but obviously not the war.

It looks like the courts are looking at the situation fairly by not
granting the increase and also, your ex has put your child in such a 
situation that she will always remember and that's by having her do
the dirty work.  It's also an unfortunate one because who is she to
have a child carry such a burden??

Either way, I wish you the best of luck in resolving the issue of the
vacationing with your children.  I have only been able to vacation with
my children twice since my divorce and we had a great time.  Let's hope
that your ex will wake up and smell the coffee, and not hold your children
from you or deny them the vacation.



Kenn

    Can you appeal to her sense of freedom.  By this I mean, she would
    have a WHOLE week to herself, to do whatever she wanted, not have
    to cook or clean if she didn't want to, etc.  Come home whenever,
    go out whenever.  Added bonus, when the kids got home they would
    be tanned and relaxed and hassle-free and so would she.  This appeals
    to me much more than harassing my ex.  Try it.
    
    

    Re .9
    
    I have to believe that is the way my ex looks at it.  Free time
    for her and her hubby, after all, she *deserves* a break, taking
    care of 6!  I feel for her...sometimes. ;-)

    			   John