| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 195.1 | reply | PCBUOA::LPIERCE | Do the watermelon crawl | Thu Nov 02 1995 15:32 | 62 |
|
>Is love enough for a long-term relationship?
I think you need love and trust for a long-term commitment.
You need to love that person as much as you love your self.
and you need to trust that person as much as you trust yourself.
If you can't fully trust that person or visa-versa, a long-term
commitment will never work.
>Is love the same as trust?
I see them very different. But they need to act as one.
>If you love someone, should you still protect your own interests?
You need to always look out for yourself, but don't be
dramatic about it. You should know what is best for you and
follow your heart. Being in love and sharing a life w/someone
does not mean they know best. Being in love w/someone means
supporting them in what ever they want - and offer guidance
when needed. No one has the right to run your life.
>If you protect your own interests, will that weaken your love?
If the person you are in love with is totally committed to you
and they trust you, then the answer should be no!
>Does thinking about the possibility of separation make it more likely?
I don't know this one. The thought of separating from my
husband NEVER enters my mind. I know it will never happen.
>What makes a relationship long-term?
Trust, commitment, communication
>Is it worth it?
YES!
---
I fell in love w/ my husband 14yrs ago at a gas station. I knew from that
moment I would marry him, and he knew it to. We were very young (17 & 18)
and we had alot of obstacles in our way. He was estranged from his family
and so was I, we lived in a van, roominghouse, dinning room of my sister,
horse trailer, studio appt, appt, then a house (in that order) We had
money problems the whole 9 yards. But we know 1 thing! We never wanted to
be without the other. We could never pitcher going thorough life w/out each
other - that thought got us though alot. We have total love and trust!
We had to learn communication, and you need to always be honest w/your
feelings to yourself and your SO.
WOW! I can't believe I summed up 14 wonderful years in a paragraph :-)
but if you got me going, I could go on and on about my married life - and
I'm sure most of you would be retired from DEC by the time I was done.
Lkp
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| 195.2 | | 43GMC::KEITH | Dr. Deuce | Fri Nov 03 1995 07:47 | 19 |
| <==== What she said.
If you love someone, you must be committed to them. If they love you
and are committed to you the way you are to them, this is what love is
really about. Anything less is...
Look around. How many couples do you see who are truly in love with
each other and happy. I am not talking content or comfortable. Many
have that. Underlying the 'confortable' relationship is probably the
knowledge (if one cares to look and admit it) that it could be better,
maybe with someone else. The kids, the financial security, the kids,
the confortableness of what you have prevent you from leaving the
relationship
If you seriously look, you will find precious few truely loving
relationships.
$.02
Steve
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| 195.3 | and i never think dirty thoughts | POLAR::WILSONC | born to agitate | Sat Nov 04 1995 00:28 | 7 |
| re .1
"the thought of seperating from my husband NEVER enters my mind"
correct me if i'm wrong but i think it just did.
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| 195.5 | about protecting yourself and love and trust | CESARE::ELIAG | If it tastes good...it's fattening | Tue Nov 07 1995 08:03 | 67 |
| I personally tend to agree with n. 1 with some difference due to what I
experienced during my life up to now.
I got married some 14 years ago. Then three years ago we separated.
Talking for myself, I definetely did not enter my marriage thinking
even remotely that it could end. When I had my two kids I didn't think
even for a moment that they could go through the separation of their
parents.
Still it happened, and this was after a whole year of thinking and
rethinking, after counseling, and it was followed by the whole lot of
guilty feelings, grief and so on.
Now, I'm having a beautiful semi-living in relation. The semi comes
out of he living in another state and therefore the two of us living
together only on the week-ends.
I can clearly see that this is leading to big_decision_times in the
future, better sooner than later, although within reasonable time
frame. Let's say in one year. The chance of him moving over to where I
live are not much, on top of the fact that if anything like that ever
happens, he will have to kiss good-bye to his very much liked, highly
motivating and rewarding job. Needless to say I do not want this. I'm
too much afraid by having a frustated living in partner, which I
believe may very well happen, maybe after the first period of
enthusiasm for the new situation.
The other chance is me and the kids moving to his place.
This will imply quite some effort on our part but in long terms much
better chance of a good quality life. Matter is that if our relation
fails I'm left in a strage country with two kids and little to no
chances of getting back to where we live today (I do not believe even
for a second that leaving my job today only to come back after some
time, will allow me to get another job here around, and I'm talking
*any* jobs which would allow us to survive in life)
Unfortunately, I've been already proved right once in the past that no
matter how much of trust you had on your relation never going to the
drain, it still may happen. I know for myself that I'd go definetely a
long way before letting this happen again, but of course I'm only 50%
of the business here.
So the bottom line is that I do not have the faintest idea on how to
approach the following two questions:
>If you love someone, should you still protect your own interests?
>If you protect your own interests, will that weaken your love?
And I'd like to add also something like:
>If you trust your partner as of today and you show this trust to
him/her, how do you still "protect your own interest" without sending
out messages like "I say that I trust you, but it doesn't have to be
that I really mean it"
I definetely agree on what .1 writes and in particular the following:
.1 I think you need love and trust for a long-term commitment.
.1 You need to love that person as much as you love your self.
.1 and you need to trust that person as much as you trust yourself.
Well I feel in a deadlock with this.
Ciao
graziella
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| 195.6 | Right-on | MAL009::RAGUCCI | | Tue Nov 07 1995 16:06 | 9 |
|
I think that if you cut away all the bull****, and what you have left
is the real love... at least for me. BUT, then love is illusive,
for most...
BR
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| 195.7 | | DKAS::GALLUP | You are what you think. | Thu Dec 07 1995 11:07 | 38 |
| >>Is love enough for a long-term relationship? Was it ever?
No.
>>Is love the same as trust?
Trust is part of love. I don't believe you can have love without
trust. I do, however, believe you can have lust without trust.
>>If you love someone, should you still protect your own interests?
It's more that we should protect our interests together. Communication
and a willingness to trust the other person implicitly. Dono't
get married if you don't.
>>If you protect your own interests, will that weaken your love?
If you don't trust the other person...it is not love.
>>Does thinking about the possibility of separation make it more likely?
As a man (or woman) thinketh....so is he (she).
>>What makes a relationship long-term?
Common values and beliefs. A common vision for the relationship
toward which you both work and both support. Trust in each other
and a willingness on both parts to put the needs of the other and
the relationship above your own.
A wise man once told me. "Don't get married until you've fallen
out of 'love' with him. Then and only then will you know it will
be successful long-term."
>>Is it worth it?
Definitely. :-)
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