[Search for users] [Overall Top Noters] [List of all Conferences] [Download this site]

Conference quark::mennotes-v1

Title:Topics Pertaining to Men
Notice:Archived V1 - Current file is QUARK::MENNOTES
Moderator:QUARK::LIONEL
Created:Fri Nov 07 1986
Last Modified:Tue Jan 26 1993
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:867
Total number of notes:32923

863.0. "$8 hours" by PCCAD::DINGELDEIN (PHOENIX) Fri Jan 15 1993 13:57

    Anyone see "48 Hours" wednesday night. It was titled "Fathers Fight
    Back". It portrayed the plight of divorced dads and their struggle
    to maintain access to their kids. I found the show did a good job
    explaining the bias against fathers in the existing system and how
    through allegations of child abuse a mother can virtually destroy
    the father financially and socially. One guy had run up $80k in
    costs to fight for his kids! Any comments?
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
DateLines
863.1COMET::DYBENGrey area is found by not lookingFri Jan 15 1993 14:208
    
    
    Dan,
    
      Saw it and could not believe my eyes. What abuse those men took!
    
    David
    
863.2Wake UpSALEM::GILMANFri Jan 15 1993 14:4513
    Its time for a mens rights revolution similiar to the womens' rights
    revolution we have been undergoing.
    
    It seems to me that equality should work two ways.  Women were assumed
    to be incapable of jobs men traditionally held.  Its time women, and
    society realized that men are qualified and capabile of child rearing
    too...... AND the laws should examine each individual situation and
    award custody to the parent which is most qualified and the child wants
    to live with WITHOUT regard to the sex of the awardee.
    
    In some ways Society is still in the dark ages.
    
    Jeff
863.3been there, done that 8-PDELNI::JIMCreceiver of the sunMon Jan 18 1993 14:4538

Didn't see the show.  Lived that life though.  She never accussed me
of harming
the children though she once made noises about it.  It was so bad that
I had to
sue to get the phone number so that I could call my daughters once a
week and
talk to them.

Now, both daughters live with me (18 & 20) and have real issues with their
mother.  I wish they could have a better relationship with her for their sakes
but doubt it will ever happen.  I finally "won" and I think my daughters are
better off for not having lost contact with me for a lot of reasons. They are
also going to have to go through a lot of personal counseling and growth
becasue of the abuse and pain she caused them on top of the broken family
stuff.

Looking back I know there is little if anything else I could have done that
would have helped them.  There were many times when I almost got down to
their mother's level and I know now that that would have only messed up their
heads and lives more.

>AND the laws should examine each individual situation and
>award custody to the parent which is most qualified and the child wants
>to live with WITHOUT regard to the sex of the awardee.

Ideally, yeah, practically, it ain't never gonna be that way.  I never sued
for custody 'cause I knew I could never "prove" how abusive, manipulative and
genreally harmful she was for the children.  I also knew that, if she didn't
just disappear with them (and she tried once) that she would make life even
worse for them through loyalty issues.  In a contested case the courts will
need proof of who is better for the children and that is damned hard and
very expensive to prove.  Doesn't mean things don't need to change, they do.
Doesn't mean the system is fair to fathers, it isn't.  Just means it is not
going to be an easy or inexpensive thing to fix.

my $0.02