Conference quark::mennotes-v1

Coincidentally, last night a psychologist told me about a female client whose
husband was impotent.  He didn't want to try to solve the problem, but he wanted
to remain married.  He felt that marriage without sex was fine.  She didn't.
They're divorced now.

It sounds like this guy needs some serious therapy.

    The only way you can really help him is to convince him to help
    himself.  Books are good.  Therapy is better.  A flag went up when he
    said it was you that drew him out.  I'm glad there is physical distance
    between you, because you seem to be the "saviour" type and he seems to
    be potentially highly dependent.
    						- Vick

    It seems like this guy has some serious feelings that he needs to sort
    out.  Books can provide information, but they cannot really elicit 
    inner feelings for proper examination and action the way a competent
    counselor can.  Feelings that may very well have been repressed for
    years.  
    
    Really, I think the best thing you can do for your friend is recommend
    that he seek out competent counseling.  Remind him that such a search
    can be almost a hit and miss sort of thing, as even competent
    counselors are not always able to establish a good working relationship
    with all clients.  If he isn't being helped by one, he needs to feel
    free to move on to someone else.
    
    I really wish him well.
    
    Mike

    Anon,
    
    Robert A. Heinlein, whom I do not necessarily hold up as an expert,
    said that despite the fact that there are only two physical sexes,
    there are actually six emotional sexes, not two.  Basically, his six
    were:
    
    Male bi/homo, male hetero, and male neuter
    
    Female bi/homo, female hetero, and female neuter
    
    The neuters, he opined, are people who just don't give a flying f*ck
    (pardon the pun) about "sex."  They are very real, and I'm inclined to
    believe that they are no more "sick" than lesbigays.  They are just
    different from heteros, and of course "different == sick" in many
    people's view.
    
    Your man friend may be feeling less than complete not because he is
    really incomplete but rather because he is being systematically
    brainwashed by society to think that "alone == lonely."  He has my
    sympathy.
    
    -dick

from my reading I have learned that one symptom of someone who has been
sexually abused and who is repressing the knowlege of that is a complete
lack of interest, or even vague repulsion, at the idea of sex with anyone.
I have also heard that there are those who just aren't interested...

if you truly want to help this man, i would suggest you refer him to a
physician for a complete physical (glandular imbalances can diminish
interest) and for a referral to a competent therapist for an evaluation...
You need to accept the fact that he may never have an interest in sex
with women..or with you...And, you must be willing to accept the fact that 
he might not want to 'get better' in order to remain his friend...most of 
all, you need to be very sure you aren't trying to "fix' the problem so 
you can experience direct benefit...he will surely sense that you have
this ulterior motive - and it can do no good for either of you.

    re .4, I agree with this.
    
    I really believe there are a few people who seem to have simply been
    born with no sex drive, or interest in sex, whatsoever.  My own brother
    is 47 yrs. old, and I don't believe he has ever had any interest in
    sex, with either men or women.  He dated a few women when he was in his
    20's but didn't seem to have a real strong interest, or consider it
    worth the bother, and it tapered off.  He has never married and lives
    alone. I think he sometimes misses the emotional closeness he could
    imagine having with a partner, but I doubt very much that he misses the
    sex. He's just never seemed interested in it.  A couple of my friends,
    whom I've discussed this with, have suggested that I've more than made
    up for his lack of interest in sex, but I'm sure they were only joking. 
    But, the point is, it really doesn't seem to  bother him that he has no
    sex life, and hasn't *ever* from my knowledge.  Personally, I'd
    couldn't imagine happily living his lifestyle, but it doesn't seem to
    bother him.
    
    I, also, had an uncle who seemed to be the same way.  He lived to be
    84, and had tons of friends, both male and female, and was quite an
    extrovert, as well as quite eccentric in dress and lifestyle, but to my
    (or my mother's knowledge), he never dated either women or men, nor
    showed any interest in doing so.
    
    I find it amazing, but I do think such people exist.  Personally, I
    would never want to attempt to have a romantic relationship with anyone
    like that, though.  
    
    Lorna