Conference quark::mennotes-v1

Separation doesn't mean an awful lot.  One can stay separated forever -
without a divorce, you're still married.

Someone who says they are separated but isn't obviously working on getting
a divorce is 1) still married, and 2) playing head games with you.

			Steve

    
    
    A legal separation in mass means the two parties are still legally
    married.  Whereas a divorce means they are no longer legally married.
    
    My mom and dad were legally separated for 6 years before he passed
    away.  They never got divorced for reasons I do not know,and have
    never had a reason to ask.  However, she is now considered his
    widow whereas she would not have been if they were divorced. 
    
    If a guy is legally separated then he is legally married.  He 
    could be in the process of getting a divorce.  Or he could be
    legally separated and trying to work things out with his wife.
    Or he could be separated and for whatever reasons neither he
    or his wife choose to initiate the divorce process.  
                                                         

    Is there any difference between being legally separated and being
    separated without the official paperwork?

    Being legally separated costs, since at least one lawyer is involved. 
    Here in NH it isn't necessary to be legally separated in order to get a
    divorce.
    
    aq
    

    
    Is it necessary to be legally separated in order to get a divorce in
    other states?  Say, Rhode Island?
    
    -Jody
    

    re:.4
    
    There must be some legal ramifications, like maybe you're not jointly
    responsible for any new debts incurred.  ...?
    
    You must get something for the time and money.  But what?

    Re .6
    
    >You must get something for the time and money.  But what?
    
    I could never figure that out.  As so often, the best advice would be
    to call a lawyer.
    
    A friend of mine went through a legal separation (here in NH) followed
    by a divorce, and basically the sep served as an interim step which she
    needed psychologically.  It cost a lot of money though and she has
    since said that if she had it to do over again she'd go straight for
    the divorce.
    
    Re .5, I don't know anything about sep/divorce in Rhode Island.  A
    lawyer in MA told me that, like NH, a legal separation is not necessary
    to the divorce process.
    
    aq
    

re: .1, Steve

> Someone who says they are separated but isn't obviously working on getting
> a divorce is 1) still married, and 2) playing head games with you.

1 is a foregone conclusion regardless of whether or not they are "working on
getting a divorce", but 2 is a trifle presumptuous, don't you think?

-Jack

The legal separation (actually the agreement that goes along with it)
is sometimes necessary to spell out responsibilities like who has custody
and who is responsible for certian debts and obligations, both that have 
occured before and after the point of separation. It is an interum agreement
in force until the divorce settlement takes over.In the simpilist form, 
a legal separation agreement protects each party from the others debts
and obligations that occur after the point of separation and many times allows
both parties to carry on as if they were single. It also offers him protection
should she concieve a child after they separate.

    How does one abrogate a legal separation?  That is, if a couple legally
    separates and then decides to re-unite, is there any legal procedure
    they need to undergo in order to overturn the separation decree?
    
    Mike

Re: .8

I made that statement in the context, implied to me by the base note, that
this separated man was trying to start a new relationship, but was hedging
on following through with a divorce.  I consider this to be a "head game".
If the person (man or woman) is going to start a new relationship, then they
should end the old one FIRST, and that means taking the legal steps to do so.

Re: all

When I got divorced (in NH), my lawyer told me that, at least in NH,
legal separation was a meaningless step - expensive and it wasn't any
different than filing for divorce.  I know that in some states (MA, for one),
you have to file for divorce before you can get a restraining order issued
against your spouse (or at least that's what I was told.)

				Steve

re: .11, Steve

As I read .1, it stated -
   "Someone who . . . is . . . "
rather than -
   "Someone who . . . might be . . . "

My point was that there isn't necessarily any questionable intent involved.
There can sometimes be issues involved which are not apparent, which make
the involvement of the legal system (i.e. divorce) temporarily inopportune
for one or the other or both parties. This has nothing to do with intent
or eventual plans, but may be a temporary matter which has been agreed
upon for reasons outside of the personal aspects of the relationship.

For example, there may be business or property concerns which the parties
agree to settle privately before finalizing the legal matters of the divorce
in order that they not clutter up and over complicate the court issues and
the lawyers' fees. There may be custody issues to be avoided in the case
of children soon approaching the age of majority. There may be conflicts
regarding financial matters that have been agreed to be dealt with prior
to legal involvement.

Personally, I couldn't tell enough from the base note to be able to conclude
that a "head game" was in progress. It's not necessarily always the case,
though I'll grant you it may be common.

-Jack

I think it was the "won't give much details" which raised the red flag in
my eyes.

			Steve

    
    I know a couple that has been seperated for years. Both of them are in
    other long-term established relationships. But they don't believe in
    divorce, they aren't interested in spending the money or going through
    the process. They simply live their lives and deal with it.
    
    Head games? No. Not everyone has the strength or the financial
    resources to go through with a messy divorce. That shouldn't be a
    reason not to love them or date them.        

Re: .14

Just don't think you'll ever get to marry them....

		Steve

    re:.9
    
    Now it makes sense!

    My parents have now been separated for seven years.  My in-laws are
    legally separated for seven years now also.  Makes for nice holidays...
    
    It's confusing to me because the involved parties still love each other
    but can't stand each other when they are face to face.  Sad, but true.
    My dad was living with my mothers now ex girlfriend, but still going to
    my mom's house almost every night and still paying the house mortgage.
    
    I'm telling you...THEY MAKE ME DRINK!!