Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    IMHO:
    
    Interacial...no problem whatsoever...we're all people...who care if
    someone purple marries someone green! Unfortunately in the world we
    live in, others may not feel the same way, so being able to live and
    deal with predjudice is essential.
    
    Multi-religious...depends on if either or both is practicing and if it
    plays a role in the way they live their lives, morals, values, etc. 
    This has more of potential for causing conflict and disagreements.
    Could cause disagreements with how children (if any) are raised. Whose
    family get togethers you go to. How holidays (which holidays) are
    celebrated.
    
    BUT, the loudest fights will still be over money and the remote
    control. :-)
    
    Shilah
               

    As my wife is a baptist and I am an aetheist, I suppose ours could be
    classed as a mixed marriage from a religious point of view.
    
    However, I agree with the drift in -.1.
    
    Leaving aside homosexual and lesbian relationships, purely to simplify
    the arguement, the normal pairing on this planet is between a man and a 
    woman so *why* should it matter what colour, what religion, what size,
    shape or age they are?
    
    No one - but no-one - has any more right to be here, than any other
    person.
    
    No-one - but no-one - has any right to force their racial or religious
    beliefs on others.
    
    Believe what you want to believe, but keep it to yourself and respect
    others rights to do the same.
    
    I'm not flaming, but as I get older, I see this as a basic problem with
    mankind causing problems all round the world.
    
    When will people change?
    
    Never, I don't suppose.
    
    andy

    Andy,
    
    Thank you for your .2.  Yes, why can't we do that?
    
    Karen

    RE: Why can't "we" do that. I think part of the problem is the
    "we" in that question. Answer the why can't I first. If you can
    accept everyone great. Be happy about it. But accept that changing
    your self is the first and may in fact be the only person you can
    change without making things get  worse. Part of the problem that
    mixed marriages bring are people trying to change other people.

    RE: Base note. I've seen a lot of changes in treatment of mixed
    racial couples over the last 10 years or so. Even in mostly white NH
    these couples do not get stared at (as much) as they used to. In
    my own family I don't think anyone even thinks about my brother in laws
    color nor that of my nephew and niece. In fact I think that overall
    the mixed nature of that marriage has helped a lot of people to be
    more accepting of people of color.

    Mixing marriages between religion is more of a problem I think. My wife
    was the product of such a marriage and it caused come problems. Between
    religions more different that Catholic and Protestant I think it would
    be worse. With religion you are not dealing with superficial issues
    like skin color but with basic moral values. Note that this often
    happens cross culturally even when religion and color are the same.

    		Alfred

    I have no problem with any of the above. So long as the word commitment
    is there and is clearly understood.

    I see no problems either with interracial marriage, but myself I'd like 
    to stay within my race. But never would I look down or frown upon
    someone else. Keeping your own isn't a bad thing, as for the religion
    part I could care less what she was, as long as it wasn't a devil
    worshipper.

    My wife is from Louisiana (half French half Irish), I am from Chile
    (half German half Italian). We don't seem to have very many problems
    yet (5 yrs) except in the area of money: I tend to overspend, she tends
    to overthrift. She's "token" religious (never goes to church!) I am
    token "agnostic" (I have some doubts either way!) 
    
    Another major area of disagreement is women! I tend to like "floozies"
    and her friends are all very serious (and plain, I must add!)

    
    
    
    I myself have been involved in an inter-racial relationship
    for almost two years.  We also both work here at Digital in
    the same building.  We haven't had too many problems as far
    as confrontations, but I used to hear rumors in the beginning
    that certain people didn't approve of it.  I could care less!
    I am happy as hell, and our friends tell us we are good for
    each other.  As a matter of fact, I think us coming from
    different backgrounds has even benefitted our relationship!
    
    By the way, I am white and my boyfriend is black.
    
    lady d
    

    Re. .8
    Your "type" of relationship is not uncommon. What is more rare is to
    see a black female with a white male. I tried to date a black girl in
    college and she said her family would never approve.

    The preceding replies "don't see any problem" should be taken
    literally. We cannot anticipate the problems because they are entirely
    outside our experience (unless our parents were inter-something).
    
    Guessing about how I'd do with various inters... I'm quite certain that
    I could not successfully marry a Republican. That sounds really stupid,
    perhaps, but I _know_ Republicans and can predict trouble. It's easy to
    be agnostic about (say) a Thai or Moslem or IBM/MVS programmer: I have
    no clue!
    
    And contrast this with attitudes so common among hunting singles. No
    runners! No smokers! No fatties! No non-professionals! No divorcees!
    These differences are miniscule compared to cross-cultural chasms.

    I know one couple, he's black, she's white and the marriage is working
    very, very well.  On a side note, I have a friend who is now divorced
    from a black man.  They had one child.  The father has little to no
    interest in his son, they don't even know where he is at the moment. 
    The problem here is that her son is culturally confused.  He doesn't
    know where he fits in, is he black or is he white?  Maybe this is the
    time and the example of teaching our children it doesn't matter WHAT
    color you are, we are just people.
    
    Karen

    >Re. .8
    >Your "type" of relationship is not uncommon. What is more rare is to
    >see a black female with a white male. I tried to date a black girl in
    >college and she said her family would never approve.
    
    It is not particularly rare, much less so than it used to be. I, white
    guy, dated a black woman for about a year, had a very serious 
    relationship that ultimately didn't work, but not because of racial
    reasons. Neither her family or mine objected, which is the real source
    of stress in that situation. In the process, I learned a lot about
    the diversity of the black community, which leads me to only one
    generalization: Don't make generalizations. All relationships are
    unique. There is very little social pressure outside of the families
    to stop interracial relationships now; most people out in the world
    don't care, or at least tolerate the situation.
    
    I read an article last year that quoted census statistics of there
    being approximately 900,000 interracial marriages in the U.S., of
    which about 200,000 are marriages between whites and blacks.
    
    I'm sure that among those marriages are some great relationships,
    and some terrible relationships.
    
    -roger
    
    
    
                      

    I think that how the relationship is perceived by others will depend in
    a large extent, what part of the country the couple is in. When I was
    out in LA, an interracial couple wasn't even noticed, but where I live
    in Texas now, its a different thing.
    
    Eric

    What? I agree with Eric?
    
    From what I read in the notes files, it seems as if the racial
    situation is more polarized in other parts of the country than it
    is here in L.A.
    
    -roger
    

    Roger, stranger things have happened, though not in recent history :-).
    
    It seems that some of the larger urban centers are more "tolerant" of
    things that are "different" by some standards, interracial marriages
    being one of these. An interracial couple in many parts of LA wouldn't
    even get a second glance.
    
    Eric

             <<< ATSE::DOCDISK:[NOTES$LIBRARY]PHILOSOPHY.NOTE;1 >>>
                                -< Philosophy >-
================================================================================
Note 290.0           STUDY - CHILDREN OF INTERFAITH MARRIAGE          No replies
GUESS::THOMPSON "Mike  DLB 5-2/B10"                  38 lines  22-JAN-1992 08:03
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife is doing a PhD Thesis on the subject of growing up in an
interfaith marriage. An "interfaith marriage" is taken to mean that neither 
spouse converted. The study is concentrating on families which have
one Jewish parent.

Up to now, the majority of the subjects my wife has interviewed have tended
to be more strongly affiliated to the Jewish side. She is trying to reach
children of interfaith marriage who feel more strongly to be 
humanist, secularist or christian. I'm putting this note in PHILOSOPHY 
in the hope of such people.

If you know an interfaith family with one or more children whose age is
18-30 and who are as yet unmarried, please help her reach them. My wife
will approach them very diplomatically.

Again, the population for the study is defined by:
	1) Unmarried
	2) One of parents is Jewish
	3) The other parent is non-Jewish

PLEASE CALL
	(508) 263-5822 (7am to 11pm EST)
	(617) 552-2715 (24 hour line)
	Leave your name, number and best time to call. 
	We will set up a meeting at your convenience.

OR WRITE
	"Study of Children of Interfaith Families"
	Psychology Dept, Boston College, Chestnut Hill, MA 02167

The study looks at family dynamics and at both heritages *non-judgementally*
seeking insight.

Anonymity and confidentiality of responses is absolutely assured.
Findings are general and do not focus on individual partipants or families.

------------------------------------------------------------------------