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Conference quark::mennotes-v1

Title:Topics Pertaining to Men
Notice:Archived V1 - Current file is QUARK::MENNOTES
Moderator:QUARK::LIONEL
Created:Fri Nov 07 1986
Last Modified:Tue Jan 26 1993
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:867
Total number of notes:32923

648.0. "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, What Are They?" by QUARK::MODERATOR () Wed Sep 18 1991 17:42

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				Steve






    Sometimes I get involved in a relationship that is not what I had hoped
    and it is difficult to extricate myself.  I don't want to hurt my
    partner and am looking for a way to let them down easy.  What are
    suggested ways to reduce the shock on my partner?
    
T.RTitleUserPersonal
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648.1USWRSL::SHORTT_LAEverything I do...Wed Sep 18 1991 17:5710
    >I don't want to hurt my partner and want to let them down easy.
    
        Too late.  There is no such thing as letting them down easy.
    Be up front and truthful...a quick cuts hurts the least.  Then give
    the person some space and time to decide if they still wish to be
    your friend.
    
    
    
                                        L.J.
648.2kind, clean, completeTYGON::WILDEwhy am I not yet a dragon?Wed Sep 18 1991 18:2617
make it clear that you respect the other person's feelings, and that you care
enough to want to make the transition as easy as possible for both of you.  
And then end it - say that you don't wish to see this person again in clear,
concise language, WITH NO AMBIGUITIES possible.  If this person really cares,
there will be a period of grasping at straws of hope.  If you truly cannot
offer hope, you must make that clear from the start.  And, PLEASE, don't:

	1) promise to call, or say you will keep in touch...it won't help
	   if you do keep the promise, and if you don't keep the promise,
	   you administer another slap to self-esteem.

	2) promise to 'be friends'.  Later, maybe, if both are healed, you
	   can be friends.  Not now.

	3) have a 'last fling' or touch this person in any way....if sex
	   has been a part of this relationship, STOP NOW.  If you do not,
	   your companion will feel really 'used'.
648.3Be HonestHAMPS::HAWKINS_BThu Sep 19 1991 08:243
    
    re note 1 - a quick cut also heals quickest!
    
648.4AIMHI::RAUHHome of The Cruel SpaThu Sep 19 1991 10:432
    How about never getting involved in the first place? Or how about
    telling him/her that the Stars are in retrograde?
648.5CSCMA::BALDWINThu Sep 19 1991 15:1413
    re: Here are some more ways to leave your lover (in a lighter vein):
    
    1)  Run away ("a-run-run-run-run_RUN AWAY!")
    2)  Walk away...briskly
    3)  Take a train (a fast train, of course)
    4)  Take a jetplane (hey it worked for Peter, Paul, and Mary)
    5)  Take a boat (a fast speedboat, preferrably)
    6)  Hire a hitman...so you won't *have* to leave
    7)  Take a bicycle (do they make "Thirty-speed" bikes?)
    8)  Roller skate (jet propelled usually is recommended)
    9)  Take a limousine (cheuffeured by a "Playmate" caliber  model)
    10) Or any approach recommended by comedian Sam Kinison (which I 
        couldn't repeat in notes) *;') *;') *;')
648.6AIMHI::RAUHHome of The Cruel SpaThu Sep 19 1991 15:306
    Under a moving train
    A colt 45
    A pent house window
    
    
    Also with humor!
648.7JURAN::SILVAAhn eyu ahnThu Sep 19 1991 17:008
| How about never getting involved in the first place? Or how about
| telling him/her that the Stars are in retrograde?

	Heh heh..... spoken from George Martini! ;-)


Glen
648.8WAHOO::LEVESQUEGuess I'll set a course and go...Thu Sep 19 1991 17:181
You mean Darryl Martini, the cosmic muffin.
648.9Well, this is what I didYUPPY::DAVIESAHerd it through the bovineFri Sep 20 1991 10:1318
    
    - Say what you need to say succinctly and calmly
    
    - LISTEN to their reaction
    
    - Don't fight
    
    - Don't blame
    
    - Don't accuse
    
    - Don't drag up old arguments
     
    - Make arrangments before you tell them (somewhere else to live/stay
      for a while till you get your own place, maybe?)
    
    - Make a graceful exit
    
648.10Just do it!TALLIS::TORNELLFri Sep 20 1991 12:111
    
648.11AIMHI::RAUHHome of The Cruel SpaFri Sep 20 1991 12:459
    Glen,
    
    	Years ago, when folks wore butt length hair, painted VW's with
    Peace signs, had a couple of women tell me this crappie. You know, what
    sign are you? Aquarious? Lebra? Joes Bar And Grill? In fact I was
    reciently asked that question from a woman from Cal.! Imagine that!
    Someone still values a relationship on the astro sign your born under.
    Wow! Where is ol Doc Brown when you need a spaceman! (Back to the
    Future). :_)
648.12BONJVI::PIERCEA womans place is on a horseTue Sep 24 1991 16:362
    
    Be honest and quick about it.