Conference quark::mennotes-v1

Your responsibilities are only those that are asked of you by the couple
getting married.  Make no assumptions.  At a minimum, you may be responsible
for the ring that the groom gives to the bride, and for signing the
marriage certificate.  Everything else is optional.  Certainly the list
you present is traditional, but ask your friend how much or how little
he'd like you to do.

In particular, there may be some items (for example, decorating the car),
that the couple may NOT want at all.  Others (toasts, etc.) may be
done by others.

Oh, and according to Dave Barry, you may have to assist the groom with
the rental of the forklift.

					Steve

    um, Steve,
    
    I missed that Dave Barry, did he give any idea what the fork lift was
    *for*?
    
    Bonnie

    IF I HAD TO use my imagination in a Dave Barry sense, I would guess
    that it has something to do with carrying the bride over the
    threshhold.  
    
    Just guessing,
    ed

    Yeah, definately ask if they want the car decorated.  My beautiful
    '68 Camaro was decorated at my wedding and I was ripped.  Ok, ok,
    they didn't hurt the car, but it made me VERY nervous that they
    would, and the bride (and groom) are already nervous enough as it
    is.  I agree that you should check out your responsibilities with
    the couple and make sure your assumptions are correct for them.
    
    Karen.

I posted the Dave Barry item in LAB::WEDDINGS last week - check for yourself.

			Steve

    I will, tho, that's not a file I have any reason to follow normally
    ;-).
    
    Bonnie

    I've been a "Best man" twice and had one once. Steve's note .1 is
    a good one. In most places you'll sign the marriage certificate.
    Carrying the rings (that one always made me nervous) and giving a
    toast at the reception are the other two most common things. Other
    then that try and keep the groom calm. Not always easy. Especially if
    the bride is late arriving at the church. :-) When I was my cousins
    best man we both viewed my job has keeping him sane. I ran around and
    handled a bunch or errands for him before the wedding, took the Tux's
    back after, and drove him and the bride around after the wedding.

    It all depends on the groom. But usually it's a lot of fun and as long 
    as you remember that the groom may be running a little ragged and so
    just do things his way you'll be better friends after then before.
    Assuming you make allowances for "his condition."

    			Alfred

    	Depending on how the ushers have been chosen you may know guests
    that they do not. Nothing upsets an "important" guest more than not
    being recognised and correctly escorted, so hovering behind the ushers
    and providing introductions may be part of your job.

One thing you can do that the B&G may appreciate is to help keep the car 
from being "overly decorated" or worse, have someone do something that is 
going to cause a problem down the road (so to speak!) I had a guest at our 
wedding tuck a note in by my gas cap, supposedly written by my new wife 
that I was kidnapping her and to send help. Not cute, not funny, and if 
someone else had found it, who knows what would have happened? I was 
honeymooning in Virginia and W. VA, so there is agood possibility some 
local gas attendant (Yes, it was 24 years ago next month and they really 
*did* have gas attendants!) might have taken matters into his own hands....

    Vic 

    A few, well-chosen words can set a wonderful tone for the reception.
    Give it a good deal of thought, practice in front of a mirror, speak
    straight from your heart, and forget about being funny unless you've
    got the brilliant comic touch of a Bill Cosby.
    
    I gave the toast at my best friend's wedding.  I used a quote Camus
    to wish the couple equal measures of love and friendship in their
    marriage.  They still talk about it.
    
    LArry

    How about entering it here for general use, Larry?
    
    Wil

    (This is from memory, so the exact phrasing may be a bit off.
     Enough disclaimers.  This was my toast at my best friend's
     reception:)
    
    
    I thought of something funny to say, but thought better of using it.  
    I feel a quote from Albert Camus would be more appropriate:
        
           "Do not walk in front of me, for I may not follow.
            Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
            Just walk beside me and be my friend."
    
    I know Mike and Lori's love for each other will last their whole
    lives.  My wish for them is a life full of friendship to compliment
    their love; to feel the peace and serenity which comes from being
    in the presence of someone with whom you can truly be yourself. 
    
    {Raising the glass} With love and friendship, here's to the bride
    and groom. 
    
    
    (So it goes ...)
    
    LArry

    One thing I didn't see on the list was that you might be expected to
    hold the cards at the reception line - I only mention it because my
    best man spilled his drink on my shoes trying to juggle a handshake, a
    card, and a drink :-)  (Great start on the video :-)
    
    Now, as far as the bachelor party goes, mine (my brother was BM), and
    my brothers (vice-versa) were made memorable events by:
    
    (A) a roast (for me) - I was too hammered to remember much, but I do
    know that everybody else had fun listening to my 'friends' :-) recount
    some of the more embarrassing moments in my life (and it took a LONG
    time :-)...  
    
    (B) To upstage my brother, I was the MC for "Double Jeopardy", where I
    made 3x5 cards with 'answers' to specific questions about HIS
    embarrassing past...  and I told him he had to get enough "money", by
    getting enough right, to "win" his presents (or I would take them). 
    That, and the fact that he had to do a shot glass of beer for each
    missed question*$ ($10 card, one shot, $50 or five shots) insured that
    he tried his HARDEST to give the right answer (wonderful way to get him
    to abuse himself! :-)
    
    We had some really funny categories, too - "Incredibly Stupid Acts"
    (incredibly stupid because the merely stupid were too numerous to list
    :-), "Great Moments in Sports History" (falling down on a penalty shot
    in hockey, or Answer: "this phrase describes Rich' style of basketball"
    - he leaps up, "What is out of control!"  (Correct for $30 :-)...
    Let's see - oh yes, one was "Nights you Can't Remember" (lots of shots
    there :-) (I'll take "Nights I can't remember" for $50..  Answer: 
    The last guest to leave your bachelor party :-) :-)  Another one was
    something to do about his prior women..
    
    And of course, the "final jeopardy" answer was "The Most Beautiful
    Woman You'll EVER Kiss", to which he of course give the name of his
    fiance (it WAS being taped, after all :-) - and, after informing the 
    "judges" (other attendees), that he once kissed Christie Brinkley, he 
    of course had to finish with 5 shots of beer  (they were BIG glasses,
    too :-)...
    
    One note: make sure the old man, or other relatives, won't go nuts if
    they hear something they shouldn't - although I think the fact that my
    old man learned some 'wild' things about us brought us closer..
    
    We recorded the whole thing too - some of the funniest comments came
    from the crowd - that tape is a riot, I'll have to listen to it again
    :-)
    
    Anyway, thanks for the memories - have fun with it, and don't just do
    the boring videos/stripper stuff...
    
    Dave
    

    If you are offering a toast for someone who is getting
    married a second time, you might remind them of the
    Spanish proverb on this subject.  English translation:
    
    "Man is the only animal that stumbles 
     twice on the same stone."
    
    Wil

Re: .15

Wil, I HOPE you were kidding with that suggestion!

			Steve

    I wasn't kidding, but obviously it would have to be
    delivered in an environment in which a lot of kidding
    was going on...
    
    Maybe the bachelor party, rather than the wedding reception...
    
    ;-)

Thanks for all the good advice so far!  Let's see...I only have to do
what the bride and groom ask, be nice to their car, keep the groom
from completely losing his mind, and make a memorable, not impromptu,
toast at the reception. 

I think I can do it!

re .9:   I don't know.  Putting a kidnapping note in the gas tank 
         sounds pretty funny to me.

re .12:  If my toast is half as good as yours, it'll be twice as good 
         as the one I was working on.  Well said.

    in re .18 and notes in the gas tank...

    someone put a note in ours that we were newly weds.......

    that was really special and we saved it .......
    24 years ago ;-)

    BJ

>    in re .18 and notes in the gas tank...

>    someone put a note in ours that we were newly weds.......

>    BJ


    I wrote .9 about the kidnapping note in the gastank.....And I found 
nothing funny about it at all. We were travelling in Virginia and W. 
Virginia where guns are common they didn't hire rocket scientists to pump 
gas. Some local boy could easily have been taken in and thought he would be 
a hero. While going to school in that area I found the tendancy was to 
shoot first and ask questions later. I still consider this note extremely 
stupid nearly 24 years later.....

On the other hand, a note stating you were newlyweds shouldn't be cause for 
confusion, heroics, or concern.

    Vic

    RE: .9  Yeah, we've all seen deliverance.  You might have been playing
    the part of Ted Beatty.:')  
    
    Actually West Virginians aren't as they are usually depicted.  My wifes
    fammily is from West Virginia and they have all their teeth and use
    multi-syllabled words.;')
    
    
    Mike

        <<< Note 587.21 by MAMTS5::MWANNEMACHER "Just A Country Boy" >>>

>    RE: .9  Yeah, we've all seen deliverance.  You might have been playing
>    the part of Ted Beatty.:')  
    
>    Actually West Virginians aren't as they are usually depicted.  My wifes
>    fammily is from West Virginia and they have all their teeth and use
>    multi-syllabled words.;')
    
     Mike

    I spent 4 years in college in W.VA, so I know plenty of folks there who 
match your description, I only thought it was a poor idea because there are 
a few who "don't" match your description. I also know some folks down that 
way who, while not long in schooling, are fine people and I count them as 
my friends as well. 

PS: I haven't seen deliverance......sorry I don't have a reference for Ted 
Beatty..... 8^)

    Vic

    Regarding last two, I went to college in West Virgina, and also married
    a fine women from the Charleston area. We both love the area, and are
    looking forward to retire there someday, in fact if we get offered
    "the package", we will go there,and start all over. I love that
    state, and I can not wait to leave the east coast.