Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    
    1. Fills me with panic.  True all my life.
    2. If I'm careful, she'll stay with me regardless.  I'm not always
       careful.
    
    				- Vick
    

    What makes you think that women don't ask themselves the same questions
    these days? In either case of gender, it's still generally a rotten
    position to put any *partner* or *potential partner* in.
    
    "I'm going to Alaska to work on the Pipeline...You coming or what?"
    ;-)
                                                            
    To decide between an unknown yet possibly bright future alone or stay
    with a certain yet possibly bleak future with someone is never a decision
    anyone wants to make (and believe me I've just gone through it).
    
    We always have to grow and to change. Whether or not it's in our partner's 
    (or potential partner's) best interest as well as our own is for the 
    individual to decide.
    
    I think Harry Chapin said it best in his song "SEQUEL" :
    
    "I Guess It's The Sequel To Our Story
     From The Journey Between Heaven and Hell
     With Half The Time Thinking of What Might Have Been
     And Half Thinking...Just as Well
     I Guess Only Time Will Tell..."
    

>>        1.  Where am I going?

   Ultimately?  Or, for the time being?  Or, in the new adventure?
   Sounds like the latter for you, Wil.   Clearly, the order would
   be as you give it, in your particular case.   Me?  I tend to take
   the question in the ultimate sense.   Where ultimately am I going?
   The answer is of course simple: to the grave.   
    
>>        2.  Who is going with me?

   Well, I don't think anyone would be in a hurry to join me there. ;-)
   They will of course go to their own graves eventually.  
    
   Now let me invoke Rilke at this point.   I have an excellent new
   translation from the German - I've blanked the name of the translator
   right now, but if anyone is interested...

   Here's the first stanza from the First Duino Elegy by Rainer Maria Rilke:

	Who, if I cried out, would hear me among the angels' 
   	hierarchies?  and even if one of them pressed me
  	suddenly against his heart: I would be consumed
	in that overwhelming existence.  For beauty is nothing
	but the beginning of terror, which we still are just able to endure,
	and we are so awed because it serenely disdains
	to annihilate us.  Every angel is terrifying.

   -- mardy

    >Where am I going?
       Acheron
    
    >Who am I taking with me.
       As many as possible.
    
    
    
                                    L.J.

<<Where am I going ?

Well where ever it is, I'm already there.
Job is good, family is great, I'm pretty happy about things.
at 34, can't wnat for much more.

<<Who is going with me.

Obviously, my wife,, the kids till they have their own lifes to
answer for...

For me, where I'm going is much less interesting than how I'm getting there.
That is to say, that the journey is the important thing. Who's going with me?
I'd phrase it differently, we're travelling together, none are "going with"
*me* and the trip is the more interesting for it.

	-- Charles

       
       The order of these two questions has my mind whirling.

           "Where am I going ?"  I can imagine this as meaning,
                                 what are your goals in life?

           "Who is going with me?"  I can imagine this as meaning,
                                    who will become your family and friends?
       
       Did the traditional male see this as -
               career first and then marriage and family.

       Did the traditional female see the same questions in the
       opposite order -
               marriage and family first and then career.

       If you believe that, could you argue that, therefore, in a
       traditional divorce (female keeps kids and house), the male
       would keep his primary objective and the female would keep her
       primary objective?

       What would happen if you were fe/male and you gave these questions
       equal value?


       Richard


       PS.  Some of my favorite teenage memories (1960s) started out
            with my brother and I sitting on the wall outside the
            library in downtown saying:

            "Where do you want to go?"
            "I don't know, where do YOU want to go?"
            "I don't know, I wish we had a car, then we could go
             anywhere we wanted."

	     We talked about destination, as though it was a primary
	     objective.  It's only now that I realize, we always left 
	     that wall together.

    >Where am I going?
    
    To an amusement park, where else?!
    
    >Who am I taking with me.
    
    Anyone who can stomach 50+ repeat rides on the roller coaster!

    I like the answer of .7, I feel many of the young males, like self,
    look at destiny in that way. Once we become mobil we can control the
    destiny part. But its to get that first set of wheels! This conection
    also connected to dating. Now we can have breakdowns on lonesum back
    roads with our dates. "Dum-De-Dum-Dum!" 
    
    Where am I going? 
    
    Going to sit in a tree cut the soals off my shoes and learn to play the
    flute!
    
    Who am I going to take with me? 
    
    The flute!

    re:.8
    
       Oooh, oooh, can I come along?  I *LOVE* roller coasters!
    
    
    
                                 L.J.

 I'm going fishin'.

 Other fisherpeople welcome, so long as they don't scare the fish. :-)

    
    The reservoir (Steven Creek Res.) is flooding into that wooded area 
    near the firestation. Lots of fly hatches, and various bugs floating in
    it.
    
    They have stocked it with largemouths, trout, and of course the
    carp have always been there.
    
    C'mon out and bring an extra fly rod for me...
    

 And I just sold my extra fly rod, too. :-) You can have the carp, thank you,
and I'll target the trout. :-)

    RE:  L.J.
    
    Sure, c'mon along...da more da merrier.
    
    Backseat Buck

This doesn't sound like it answers the question, but I think it does:

Where am I going?     	I am a writer, a teacher, and a politician.  I 
		      	need to "go there."

Who am I going with?  	Someone whom I love, who loves me, and who commits
			to going along with me.  (...who has a mustache.)  ;-)


I also think that it isn't such a big deal to do things in reverse 
order.  I know of a lot of couples who found each other before they 
found themselves (they helped each other find themselves).  However, I 
think that there are more pitfalls if you do it in reverse order, 
especially with all the screwed up stuff that our society feeds us 
about "love" and "relationships."

							--Gerry

    Where am I going?   Gee, once I thought I knew, but that never came to
    pass.  Now, I am uncertain.  If I knew, the path would not be as
    circuitous and arduous as it is.  
    
    Who is going with me?  Not long ago I would have had the answer and
    pronounced it with conviction.  Now, I am taking only myself.  I hope
    to meet others along the way, with luck one or more of them will see me
    to the end of this journey and may even continue with me into the next
    journey.  
    
    To me, life is a series of journeys and adventures.  Some adventures,
    of course, can make you wish you had stood in bed 8-> .
    
    jimc

�    To me, life is a series of journeys and adventures.  Some adventures,
�    of course, can make you wish you had stood in bed 8-> .
    
    Some adventures can happen even if you do.  (: >,)
    
    Ray

    I'm out to the woods to play.  Who's coming with me?  The squirrels.
    

    re .6, Charles, I like your answer.  I don't want to just join someone
    else on *their* journey through life, I want someone to decide with me on
    what journey we'll take together.  And, I also think enjoying the trip
    is a lot more important than where we ultimately wind-up.  (as Janis
    Joplin once said, "there is no tomorrow, it's all the same ******* day,
    man")
    
    Lorna
    

.6
>For me, where I'm going is much less interesting than how I'm getting there.
>That is to say, that the journey is the important thing. Who's going with me?
>I'd phrase it differently, we're travelling together, none are "going with"
>*me* and the trip is the more interesting for it.

	Great stuff!  I wholeheartedly agree.  Very nonlinear of you! 
	We need less point-focused thinking.  I like it.


.7
>We talked about destination, as though it was a primary
>objective.  It's only now that I realize, we always left 
>that wall together.

	Beautifully put!  Thank you for that!


.17
�To me, life is a series of journeys and adventures.  Some adventures,
�of course, can make you wish you had stood in bed 8-> .
    
>Some adventures can happen even if you do.  (: >,)
    
	You're a bit of a devil.  Pretty cute!


//Wendy	

    Seeing that I was happily married (note: _I_) on December 1, and on the
    path to divorce on Dec. 2, I have definitely had occasion to ponder
    these two questions lately.  And, I must say that I was definitely
    GOING someplace, soon, before I spoke with an EAP rep, and she told me
    that one thing was most important at this time: that I keep as many
    things as I can the same right now...
    
    This was perhaps the sagest (if that is a word) advice I've been given.
    I had visions of volunteering for the package, selling everything I
    own, buying a boat, and running tours in the Caribbean someplace (even
    now, the thought doesn't sound bad :-)...  and I _DO_ carry this with
    me as a 'last resort' option (I'm a beach bum - I could be very happy
    for years doing this :-)...
    
    But, I have made the decision to stay with this position until my
    (loose) committment runs out in about a year.  At that time, I will
    either have sold my house, or given it back to the bank, and will be
    completely free, emotionally, physically, and financially.  I plan, at
    that time, to move from New England where I've lived all my life to
    someplace warmer, and transfer from an overhead function to a job that 
    has some direct customer contact (tired of being in CS for 7 years, and 
    never having seen one! :-)
    
    So, right now, I have NO plans to work on question number 2 right now..
    In the ::SINGLES file (I've had GREAT fun with this, BTW), and in any
    other encounters, I make it pretty clear that I'm not ready for
    emotional committment right now...  and I seem to having quite a good
    time just dating right now...
    
    The other aspect of my life is the company I've started (last spring,
    with one very good friend), and that is keeping my incredibly busy (its
    actually killing me, but hopefully I'll get more than the 16 hours
    sleep - thats total - that I've managed this work week...)  Anyway, I
    mention this because I have always wanted to own my company, and that
    "is where I'm going" this year...
    
    Fortunately, I am a rare individual that LOVES, in fact seeks out,
    change.  (I didn't do this in my marriage, but anyway...)   So, for me,
    it truly is the voyage that is important.  My goal in life: to have as
    much fun as humanly possible.  Now, working on my PC until 3 this
    morning may seem like a strange way to have fun, but as I am living my
    dream of owning my own company, it is (kinda :-)...
    
    As far as the order goes, I don't believe that it has to be that way..
    I thought I had picked a person to share my voyage with, but I
    certainly don't think I had it all mapped out 7 years ago!!
    
    Anyway, there are many more of life's questions that I haven't solved
    yet - but I _do_ know that I'm NOT going to be in New England in 1993!
    (I think :-)
    
    Dave