Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    I agree with you.  There a huge jump between putting off a phone call
    and standing someone up.  The difference is in the inconvenience it
    places on the other person.  If I make arrangements which require you
    to travel some distance to meet me, I'm sure as hell going to be there. 
    Anything less is a reflection of how unimportant the selfish lout thinks
    of you.
    
    LArry
    (who realizes he just may be splitting hairs on this issue)  

    There is a difference standing someone up is plain rude and there is no
    excuse as far as I am concerned. This is one subject I no longer give
    second chances on, call me and we can reschedule but neve ever leave me
    standing. 
    
    -j
    

>    never seemed to happen anywhere near as much 10-20 years ago; are we
>    all so buy in the 80-90's?
    
    First of all, yes, I do think that humankind, as a whole, is MUCH busier 
    than we (it?) have ever been before.  The amount of choices we have
    with our "leisure time", and distance we commute (on average) are
    unprecedented!  So, yes, sometimes people are just too busy.
    
    But, I just really wanted to comment on your tactic of leaving a
    message, and then ASSUMING that message was received, and affirmed!
    Although I doubt this is the case in this instance, I make it a
    practice to NEVER let a message be the final contact for a meeting (if
    I am traveling).
    
    A similar 'rule' I follow is to NEVER agree to meet somebody if there
    is no phone available (hopefully, in future years everyone will have
    car phones, and eliminate the need for this).  I once agreed to a
    suggestion to meet "at the Rte 95 and 128 exit", and the unfortunate
    fellow I was picking up was at Rte 93 and 128 instead!  It just about
    ruined the whole weekend...   (Situations like this cause unneccessary
    stress for both parites - how long do I wait? while he wonders, where
    the hell is he? - car problems, accident, what?)
    
    Anyway, while voicemail and answering machines are great, they CAN
    malfunction, and people DO sometimes forget to listen, or (my main
    point) have EMERGENCIES crop up that can ruin the best laid plans...
    (Again, I don't think that is the case here, as the person should have
    called you SOMETIME... but...)
    
    Just food for thought,
    
    ML

    ML-ideally it would be great to confirm plans in person,
    but unfortunately, if somebody has an answering maching,
    I find it's almost impossible to actuallly get them to
    answer the damn phone, so in many cases you have NO
    alternative if you can't reach the person.  What do you
    do then?  
    
    Christine
    

>Z    ML-ideally it would be great to confirm plans in person,
>    but unfortunately, if somebody has an answering maching,
>    I find it's almost impossible to actuallly get them to
>    answer the damn phone, so in many cases you have NO
>    alternative if you can't reach the person.  What do you
>    do then?  
    
Leave a note on the machine saying that you will not show up unless
the person confirms the appointment with you by phone. 

I've done this.  It works well.

							--Gerry

    I dont (never?) stand people up, and dont give people who stand me up a
    second chance (unless they have a very good fairy tale to tell, in
    which case the 2nd meeting will be at a time/place *very* convenient
    for me, and I will wait all of five minutes over the appointed time).
    
    Getting stood up murders one's self esteem - I guess people who have a
    high opinion of themselves can cope easier??
    
    regards,
    Heinrich

    re .6
    
    I was "stood up" twice in a week by the same person (no more chances
    for him!). "Let's have dinner tomorrow.  I'll call you during the day."
    No call; no dinner.
    
    It didn't bother me in the least!  It's HIS problem! We seemed to get
    along quite well, so I don't know what the problem was, but it doesn't
    really matter.  From my first marriage I learned to recognize some of
    the signs of an alcoholic -- besides the obvious drinking -- of saying 
    what they think people want to hear and then not following up; actually
    appearing sincere when they make the invitation, but having a change of
    heart later (and not having the guts to cancel).  I'm not saying that
    these slobs are all alcoholics, but I bet at least this one was.  Too
    classic a case.
    
    Not sure why it didn't bother me, though.  Am I that well-adjusted?
    Cynical?  Numb?  Couldn't say for sure.  I guess I think I'm a pretty
    nice person, and anyone who doesn't want to have dinner with me is
    just missing out! ;->
    
    Paula